Three Worlds Collide

Back to the routines

2007-12-10T17:20:00.000-08:00

Today has been a long day. Master is starting to give me small tasks and trying to get back into routine around here. This means i need to be a good slave and get my butt back in gear. Master wants me to take things slow and i will listen and follow His lead.

melody and Master had a session last night. i got to watch and it was really amazing. The ease in which melody submits and relinquishes total control is amazing to me. i usually have this internal struggle that melody doesn't seem to have or show. i also got to help out with the aftercare and i loved that too. It made me feel a part of things again! i can't wait to feel Masters hands and ropes on my body again. Oh how amazing it feels to have someone fondle you and caress those sensitive parts:) Okay i am going to stop or i will just make myself all horny again. Master told me there would be no orgasms for me....oh man!

It has been nice to catch up on blogs. i am starting to slowly feel reconnected. i missed reading and sharing here way more than i thought i would.

W/we are going to a munch in a few weeks and i am excited about that. We have invited our new friends Master Don and His slave susie along with emma. i don't know if emma will go but i really hope so!!!!!

i am off to help out with dinner
lucy

lucy posting

2007-12-07T13:21:00.000-08:00

i have been reading blogs and playing around on the Internet and it is making me horny. It has been a LONG time since i have had any release, so it is easy to get my juices flowing:) It is fun to have all these thoughts in my floating around in my head. It is a nice change from the past months. There is less worry and tension around here....a much needed change.

melody is back working full time. i know she missed it and i am eternally grateful for all that she sacrificed during my recovery. i have never met anyone with such commitment (except for Master) she amazes me every day with her strength, drive and energy. Honestly i don't know how she does it all. i am excited to spend more time with her little guy again....fun, fun!! Kids are so full of life. i can't quite keep up with him yet but soon he will have to keep up with me:)

Master is back to working part-time and has to take a trip soon. He has to go back east for a few days before the holidays. It will be hard without Him and He will be greatly missed. melody and her mate are going to stay with me and help out around here.

W/we have been talking about making some changes in our living arrangement. Master lives on a large plot of land and has a guest house in the back part of the property. melody's commute to work and home and here and then back home again is becoming a lot of time spent in the car. Not to mention the weather is changing and the snow is going to start making thing difficult. Master and melody's mate are discussing moving the three of them out to Master's property. melody and i are very excited about that idea! There aer lots of logistics to work out but hopefully in the New Year there will be some delightful changes coming our way.

melody's Mate is really taking a liking to the lifestyle!!!! i am not going to say much there but it is all good!!!!

i guess that's all i have for now. Anyone have a link to a good site with stories??

lucy

Long Time

2007-12-04T15:21:00.001-08:00

Hello everyone, this is lucy.....posting for the first time since the accident. Master wanted me to start posting again. He thinks it will help bring me back to focus on my submission. i can't even remember the last time i felt like a slave. It has been a very long hard time these past months. i can honestly say that i am not the same person anymore. i almost died and as much as it is cliche to say that it changed me....IT DID! i look at my life differently....not that i would change anything. More that i need to live more in the moment. i need to make sure i don't wait to do things anymore...there may not be a later.

i want to give a huge Thank You to my Master and melody. They have been two of the most amazing people. Never giving up on me and always standing by my side. When i think of the bigger picture i cry because i am SO lucky to have the family i have. People think of family as people who share in your blood line, but i disagree. my true family is not even blood related to me....they are my friends. i love my family more than i could ever express in words!!!

i have been reading and catching up on all the blogs/journals that i missed. It has been nice to reconnect to my life. i haven't served Master in so long that i didn't know if we would be able to go back to the way we were. Then Master told me that we will never go back because we are not the same people anymore. We are changed by what happened and our journey will reflect that. Of course we will be Master & slave, but it's like we have to begin again in some ways. i think it will be good for us and i am really excited to step back into my role at Master's feet.

On a little different note.....
The doctors say i will be able to resume 'normal' activity in about a month. YEAH!!! i can't even tell you all how excited i am to get back into the real world.

Thanks for all your well wishes....and for sticking around!!
Oh yeah, melody wanted me to post a link to a new friends journal... Her name is emma and she is such a sweet girl. she is new to the cyber world but really needs to reconnect with the lifestyle. i just helped her set up her journal.........
http://emmabegin.livejournal.com/

Thanks to all!
lucy

2007-10-15T18:37:00.000-07:00

It has been an interesting couple of days for me. Sir felt it was time i spent more than a couple hours being His. i spent the entire weekend being His. It had a few ups and downs for me but we weathered the storm together. One thing i wanted to write about was spending time in the closet. This is a new space that Sir has created to keep me isolated but close by. This will ultimately be used for lucy but i am breaking it in for her...hmmm:)

When i was first placed in the closet i felt like i was going to panic. i wanted out for it has been a long time since i have spent any time in isolation. i went from panic to calm to worried. i became worried about all the things i wasn't doing. How i was spending time sitting when i should be productive. the past few months thee hasn't been much time for resting let along sitting and doing nothing. Every moment was precious. Then i realized i was doing something......i was serving Sir. Maybe i wasn't actively doing anything but this is what He wanted and i needed to be content in that. It was an interesting moment for me. i spent the rest of the time wishing i could be with Him. i wanted to see Him. touch Him, look at Him.

i felt very needy the longer i stayed in there.
i felt guilty for feeling needy
i wanted Him

Why do i have this cycle of thoughts when i am in isolation? why do i worry about my vanilla life when i am in the middle of intense submission? Should i feel guilty about it?
i DO!

my circle

2007-10-03T19:51:00.000-07:00

i have had the opportunity to be all the people i love the most in this world. We did a combined dinner tonight with Sir, lucy, my mate, myself and my wee one. We had a wonderful time and i can honestly say that i am in love with my family. It was wonderful to have us all together. Watching my wee one put smiles across the faces of four adults was amazing and he of course loved the attention. He is SOO happy to see lucy again and know that she is okay. He never really understood what was happening because we sheltered him from it....to a degree. Sir and my mate decided how to deal with tthat and i think the decision they made really did work out okay. It is never easy to decide how to address tragedy with little ones. Now watching us all together again makes me SO happy i honestly don't have any words.

Sir and my mate are going to start working on putting rules and protocols back into action. There were many things that stayed in place the past few months but there were also things that got lost. We are all ready for some normalcy and i am beyond ready for my rules to be put back into place. my mate is going to take a more active role in my submission which i am beyond excited about. Sir seems really interested in having a male companion too. It just seems like our circle is really coming together. i am not totally naive in thinking that things will be perfect but i am just enjoying the calm after the storm.

i am on orgasm restriction. This is a nice and evil restriction. i am enjoying the boundaries more than i thought i would but i am also feeling my need grow. i want to feel Sirs hands on my body. i want to feel the stroke of the whip. i feel needy and feel a bit insecure int hat. i kn ow things will soon feel more in place.....it just can be along struggle getting there. (internally and outwardly)

Until next time........

Text messages

2007-10-01T19:37:00.000-07:00

i am working late tonight.....

While at my desk i received a text message from Sir instructing me to give myself an orgasm, in my office before i went home. Sir also told me that this would be the last one for a while. i think i read the message about 50 times wondering if He was serious....well of course He was serious....but it just took me by surprise. i haven't received any instructions like that in so long i honestly didn't know how to respond. many feelings overcame me........excitement, fear, need, and a nice calmness about the sternness that i could read into the text. i could hear Sir telling me this as if i was there in His presence. Then a few minutes later i received another text that read, I am reclaiming what is mine!

That statement alone made me realize how much i needed this again. How much i longed to be reclaimed. It isn't as if i have lost any of my submission to Sir....it's more like things have been on hold. i have been serving Him in other ways....ways that needed to be taken care of. There are so many levels of submission and ours took on a new look for a while. Now i realized Sir was wanting to take it deeper again and that made me want to please Him more than anything. It didn't take long for me to get wet or to orgasm for that matter. i thought of all the things we had overcome int he past months and realized that my submission was truly deeper than any i had ever experienced before.....now i just want more!!!!!

Starting fresh

2007-10-01T11:45:00.000-07:00

October starts a new page in our story. lucy is home and we are all adjusting to the new schedule and the new nurse that is coming in to help out. School has started for me and i just can't be around as much as i used to be or would like to be. i am teaching a full load this term and loving it. my interns are awesome and really know their stuff. Last term i got stuck with a bunch of interns who knew nothing and it made it difficult to really delegate with out fear. This bunch seems knowledgeable and there aer a few that i actually taught which makes things even easier.

Sir Michael is doing wonderfully. i can see the skip in His step has returned since lucy came home. He has His family back and is loving it....we are all loving it!!! It seems that this whole experience has really brought us all closer. It is weird that trauma brings people closer but it really helps put priorities in perspective.

We are all happy and together. Life is good for the time being. i am not naive enough to think it will stay that way but i am hopeful.

Until next time...........

Good News

2007-09-19T17:56:00.000-07:00

i have some amazing news.......
lucy woke up yesterday!!!!!!!!!!

This is something i prepared myself to not happen and now that it has it makes me realize that there really are miracles int he world. All the doctors told she would probably never come back to us and if she did she wouldn't be herself. Well they were WRONG! She is back and although she is weak she is herself. she is alive and hopefully will maintain this way. i am on cloud nine!!!! It will be along road of recovery for her but she is with us and that is all matters.

When everything going on we thought maybe we would close this chapter of our lives but Sir has given it some thought and realizes He isn't going to give up because things are hard. It is just another bump in our road. We are strongest as a unit and we shouldn't walk away from things just because it gets hard.

There hasn't been much BDSM to talk about. That has taken a back burner for such along time. With all our schedules and hospital time it hasn't been time to really connect on that level. i can say that i am honestly feeling the desire growing inside me. It's like i just didn't think about it. Mostly because it felt wrong to think about that kind of need in a time like this. i felt selfish and ridiculous for even thinking about asking for some release. i know Sir could tell my need was there but neither of us wanted to go there. It was as if we just brushed it all under the table and now that things are looking brighter i feel like it might be okay to think about it now. Is that totally horrible?

i have been reading anew blog recently......A view from the floor
i have to say that i am really enjoying reading her words. It is a bit raw for my taste but it is so real and honest that i feel it deserves recognition.

Well i am off to the hospital to bring my little sister some flowers.
Until next time........

A few words

2007-09-02T18:50:00.000-07:00

Things have not been well for us recently. lucy had her second surgery and is not doing well. We are all together and are hoping for the best. For the time being we are taking break from this blog. Thank you to all for reading. melody will be posting from time to time.

Goodbye for now......
Master Michael

A Quickie

2007-07-05T18:30:00.000-07:00

i just got my ass chewed out for not posting in a month! i had no idea time goes by that fast. i feel like i just updated but looking at the expression on Sir's face i can tell i messed up!!!

Things are going very nicely here. Sir is pretty much 100% up and running. It is nice to not be the only one who is functioning. Sir still has limited work schedule so lucy is having lots of TLC! It is so nice to watch Sir take care of her. Even thought lucy is the submissive it is refreshing to see the love. Sir is not only a Dominant....He is a human in love. i feel refreshed by that

i am still working more than i would like. i can't seem to leave my students....go figure:)

There is so much to update on and i only have five minutes....sorry! i will be back with more of a BDSM update......or my ass is grass and you all know what Sir is:)

Until next time........

melody

Finally a moment to sit.....

2007-06-09T15:57:00.001-07:00

Sorry it has taken me so long to update.

lucy is home and it has taken a while to adjust to our new routine. i am SO happy to have her home and i can tell that she is much happier. Everyday has its challenges for her but she is getting stronger and once she is out of the wheel chair then the Doctors are going to schedule her second surgery. (Unless of course her condition worsens) her physical therapy is going much better. lucy tends to resist things that are hard for her (which i think is natural) but she is really, really, really, hard on herself when things don't come easy. i try and help her see that physical therapy is supposed to be hard or you would need it. There was a point where she was refusing to do it at all and Sir had to step and put His foot down. i know she wants to heal quickly and i can only imagine how she feels, but resistance will not get her healed quickly.

It has taken a bit but i think we are finally falling into a good routine. It has been a really hard struggle to balance things, and there was a point where i didn't think i could do it all. Between work, home, my wee one, my mate and all the things i need to do at Sir's house it is draining. i am not trying to complain. There are just moments when i feel weak and i know i need to be stronger. A typical day for me begins at 4:30am and doesn't end until about 11:00pm. After a few weeks, or months actually, of all this it is taking a toll on me. Sir actually hired some extra help recently because with the school year winding down my work schedule is going to get more hectic in the next month. i will not be teaching a full load of summer classes this quarter so that will help.

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As for my submission i had a really hard internal struggle recently. The other night Sir decided He wanted to use me. Of course this is His right but that night i REALLY did not want to be used. i was tired and irritable and felt used already. i had been going since 5:00am and it wasn't until 10:30 that Sir decided to string me up and use me. It was a really hard mental place for me.

i have given myself in submission to Sir and He can do with me as He pleases when He pleases. i know this and i love this and want this. i need and want to relinquish that control to Sir, but that night was the first time in a long time when i wanted to say no. All i wanted to do was curl up in my bed and sleep sweet dreams. It was a true testament to myself and my submission because i didn't rebel. i released all my resistance and gave myself to Sir. It was hard but i did it for Him. i didn't release myself for my own desires i was there solely for Sir. It was a nice, however hard, reality check for me. i needed to be put into my place and once i was at Sir's feet i actually felt more contentment than i had in weeks.

Thank you Sir!

Until next time......
melody

Lots of Love

2007-05-31T18:08:00.000-07:00

Lucy will be coming home in two days!

It seems the doctors are going to wait on the second surgery. they want her to be stronger so she will continue with her physical therapy and once she is strong enough she will have the second surgery.

i am SO happy! i can't even put into words how i feel. i am relieved, happy, comforted, emotional, and very much in love. This whole experience has made me take notice of my love for both Sir Michael and lucy. i didn't realize how much i loved them. It is somewhat sad that it take something like this to make me see it. my heart thumps with so much love and respect for them it almost hurts.

i am thankful for my husband and my son
i am thankful for my Sir and lucy
i am thankful for my health
i am thankful for my ability to love
i am thankful for the love i receive from all the people in my life
i am thankful for my strength
i am thankful for all the support i feel here
This list could go on and on but these are the most important to me

Until next time......
melody

The Cage

2007-05-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

This afternoon i spent a few hours in the cage. It has been some time since i did this and i actually had a really hard time with it. At one point i begged to be released. i usually can work threw moments like that but for some reason i couldn't talk myself down. i wanted out and Sir was not having it. He actually got really frustrated with me and gagged me.

i couldn't get myself into the right place to be there. i had a million and one things to do and that was all i could think about. i couldn't focus on my submission at all. Why am i struggling? Why would i struggle against something i generally like?

i am filled with guilt. i want to please Sir so badly it hurts.....but all i could do was think about myself. Why? Grrrrr.... i am really frustrated with my attitude. Sir told me i will be punished for pushing so hard and not listening. i think i deserve much more than a caning. i feel like a bad sub.

Until next time........

melody

Update/Question

2007-05-28T16:36:00.000-07:00

lucy is doing good. Yesterday was a hard day for her...she was in a lot of pain. Today she seems to be stronger and feeling better. she will be starting physical therapy soon and so we are all excited about that. W/we also talked to the Doctor about her coming home. With the possibility of the other surgery still looming over U/us the doctors think it best for lucy to stay for at least two more weeks. Ideally they would like to see her have that surgery and not leave until after that recovery, but lucy is really feeling the itch to get home. Being in her own environment would be really good for her, but Sir is being very protective and cautious. He feels if the doctors want her to stay then she should stay....they wouldn't insist on it if she didn't need it.

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In my comments lee ann asked: How are you not jealous in your current situation? How are you okay with sharing Sir Michael with lucy?

W/we all really care for one another and it makes us happy to see each other happy and satisfied. There is a lot of love here in our world.

Our positions in the relationship are clearly defined. We maintain a very open line of communication. If there is any tension or someone is not happy we address it right away. This dynamic really works for us but it isn't always easy.

there is more i want to say here but i am out of time for today. i have read a few blogs that talked about poly relationships and also people who have to indulge their kinky desires by stepping out of their marriage or 'vanilla' world. i have lots to say but not enough time today....sorry.

More to come next time......
melody

A good day

2007-05-25T14:19:00.000-07:00

lucy is doing SO much better today. i went to visit her and washed her hair and put her in her own pajamas so that she would be more comfy. she is moving around more and more each day which means she is getting stronger. We found out this morning that she may need to have one More surgery but we opted to give her more time to build some strength before we discussed it further. lucy really is adamant about not having any more surgery, she doesn't like be knocked out. Sir gave her this very stern look and told her that she would do what is needed to make herself the better, and if that meant surgery then that is what she would do. lucy just bowed her head and replied with a yes Sir. The doctors gave us all a strange look but Sir does not care one bit.

After we met with the Doctors i took Sir home and got Him situated with some lunch, magazines and a movie. i went back to the hospital and spent some much needed girl time with lucy. lucy is feeling really depressed. All she wants to do is serve Sir but she can't. i told her that she is serving Sir by getting better. The more she focuses her energy on getting better the faster she will regain her strength. we both cried and talked and hugged. It was so wonderful to finally be able to hold her in my arms.....without feeling like i was going to crush her. All in all it was a good day for us......and we really needed to reconnect emotionally. There is so much i want to say to her but i can't always find the right words.

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Sir asked me to write about something D/s related. He thinks it will help keep me focused. He told me that He is going to push and use me a bit more than usual and wants my mind to refocus on my submission. i agree!

Anyone have any ideas for me?? A questions or comment you would like my opinion on?

Until next time.....

melody

Letting it out

2007-05-24T19:35:00.000-07:00

Today i cried. One of those cleansing cries that only happens so often. i feel so sad inside that i finally couldn't hold any more in. i feel much better now....ready to take on the next few months of hard work.

lucy is doing better and better with each day. A BIG thank you to all the support that has come in.

Until next time....
melody

Tired

2007-05-22T18:07:00.000-07:00

i am exhausted. All day i run from one place to another....from home to work, then to Sir's house then back to my house to deal with my wee one then to the hospital and back to Sir's house. Sometimes i have to sleep at home or have my little guy stay with me at Sir's house. i am run down and a bit overwhelmed. All my free time i want to spend at the hospital but i can't. i have so many other responsibilities that i can't just be at the hospital.

i am tired and could definitely use a rest.

lucy is doing great. She is tired but definitely on the mend. It wills till be a long haul of rehabilitation but i think she will do great. It is comforting to know she is doing better. The stress of worrying about it and feeling total sadness inside. i am happy that she is getting better.

i am off to cook dinner.
Until next time.....
melody

An Adventure

2007-05-20T17:10:00.000-07:00

lucy actually talked to us today for the first time!!!! Oh my god i am on cloud nine!!!!!

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This is from Sunday.....didn't get to finish it till today.

Great news......lucy is doing much better!!!! she is regaining strength everyday and seems to be maintaining a positive streak. We are continuing to be hopeful and are supporting her 100%.

i have a tendency to retreat into myself during times of intense emotional stress. i hate to be seen weak and i feel i must be strong for everyone else. If i am down and out then the whole world will fall apart....right???? HAHA! Sir is making write Him a daily email expressing how i am feeling? Where i feel weak and where i feel strong? and why? It has become a hard email to write because once i got past the easy emotions it becomes harder and harder. i have to go deeper and deal with some demons. i am feeling stronger than i have ever felt in my life and i know i am loved and supported. i just need to keep it real and not be sucked into myself. Sir is being great but He is pushing me.

i want to write about a surprise Sir gave me....or i suppose it was for Him, but man did i enjoy it too. i feel somewhat guilty for writing this with the hard emotional situation we are all in right now. Sir says we both needed a little release and He gets what He wants. Okay, so here goes.....

"Go up stairs, remove all your clothes and prepare yourself to be used." Sir whispers softly into my ear

"What? Please You must be kidding." my idiotic reply

Sir quickly grabs my hair, pulls my head back, and loudly repeats Himself.

"i am sorry Sir i forgot my place for a minute.....sorry Sir" my plead before the storm

i go upstairs and get myself ready. All the while thinking about what is in store for the evening. i was just cleaning figuring i would be cooking and cleaning most of the night.....well i was wrong! YIPPEEEE!!!! i felt my clit pulsing in excitement.

Once prepared i went back down stairs and presented myself to Sir. (arms behind my head, legs spread as wide as possible, back slightly angled to push my bottom out a little, cuffs and collar) Sir just looked at me for a long time and didn't say anything. He slowly walked around me and examined me and all my private parts. Probing me in all my sensitive areas. Then He reached in between my legs and i thought i was going to orgasm with the first bit of pressure on my clit. i practically lost my balance (which you do NOT want to do)

Sir informed me that our friend, Master Page, was coming over to help in the evening festivities. (Sir is unable to physically give me a proper beating so He had to enlist a little help) i was instructed to show Master Page complete respect and do everything He asked. Any hesitation on my part would result in punishment. i have to say that when i heard it was Master Page i felt immediately nervous. i am SOOOOO attracted to this man it is like a school girl rush. Every time He touches me i practically faint.

Moving ahead........

When Master Page arrived i served drinks and the men made casual conversation while i knelt in the corner trying not to fall over:) After drinks i was lead upstairs and my arms were strung up over my head and pulled very tightly. i was on my tip toes but i was given a pair of heels to help.....very much appreciated that. Sir went and put music on and Master page continued to tie me into place. No body said anything to me directly. they talked about em and to each other but not to me. i was like an object in the room and it felt very exciting!!! my legs were tied to two eye bolts in the floor. my breasts were bound with rubber bands and once they were plump and purple Master Page attached alligator clips to them. i screamed out in pain.......that was rectified rather quickly with a ball gag.

Once the men were satisfied Sir pulled a chair up right in front of me so i could see Him clearly. Then Master Page started in on my back and thighs. First with a leather flogger then a crop......then three different canes and a belt. After He was done with my back side He moved to my front making me scream from behind my gag. i seriously thought i was going to bust out of my binds i was straining so hard. my breasts were on fire and there was nothing i could do about it. i was given a few breaks in between instruments but this beating was a long, hard one.

i was taken down and held and supported by both men. i felt like a goddess.....a submissive one that is....hehehehehe. Sir told me i was to pleasure Master page as a thank you for His services. i eagerly took that cock in my mouth and gave that man a blow job like i hadn't had cock in years. It was beautiful and i loved it. Even if it wasn't Sir i did it for Him and that was enough.

Sir also informed me that i wouldn't be allowed to orgasm until He was the one to give it to me. my pussy throbbed with more excitement than it has in a long time. i LOVE orgasm control. As hard as it is i LOVE it!!!!! Sir was proud of me and i was content. A beautiful night!!!!

Quick Update

2007-05-18T17:54:00.000-07:00

The last 24 hours have been a small blessing. lucy's vitals and lungs are doing much better. This has us all feeling very hopeful. I realize that some would like more detail but i am not ready to write it all out.

We are together and we are strong.

Sir is doing better with each day. If He would just rest then He would recuperate faster but He is the Dom.....Ugh! i wish He would listen to me at times. There really are times when the submissive is right........isn't there?

Sad News

2007-05-17T16:05:00.000-07:00

It has been a long couple of weeks for us. About three weeks ago Sir Michael and lucy were in a car accident. Both had very serious injuries. Sir Michael came home a few days ago and lucy is still in the hospital. She is in critical condition and we are not sure what is going to happen.

i have been putting off coming here for it is really hard for all of us to accept. It is so hard when bad things happen and there is no rhyme or reason for it. i know everyone is waiting for the pictures and more updates on my Domme experience but i just haven't felt right about continuing on here like nothing happened. Sir Michael told me i had to at least post a quick update and when i am ready i am to write more about my Domme experience. He feels keeping me focused will help with all my emotions. i think He is right.

i am staying with Sir for a while to help Him around the house. He is on crutches and needs constant attention for He had to have two surgeries. We hired a nurse for the times when i am at school and then i pick up my wee one and off to Sir's we go. Everyone has been great support around us and together we will get threw this.

i apologize for our inconsistent posting and per my Sir's orders i will be posting regularly again soon.

Until next time.....

melody

Pictures

2007-04-29T17:26:00.000-07:00

Sir informed that i will be posting some pictures here on the blog. Pictures of me being used. This totally freaks me out. i am not sure i am ready for this but He seems to think i am. i should trust and go with it......but i am totally insecure. i actually worry about what people in the blog world will think....isn't that stupid?

i will post more later about my first experience as a Domme.

Until next time........
melody

Pleasure

2007-04-24T18:55:00.000-07:00

i received a call form Sir this afternoon. He told me that i would be given the opportunity to give lucy pleasure tonight. i instantly became wet as well as nervous. i haven't pleasured a woman in a very long time and i feel nervous about it. What if she doesn't enjoy it? What if she doesn't get off? What if she isn't attracted tome and everything goes sour in our relationship? All of these questions are running through my head......Ahhhhh!

i want so badly to do right by lucy that i tend to make myself overly nervous. She is so important to me that i worry.

Is this normal?

Begging

2007-04-23T18:27:00.000-07:00

Last night Sir tied my breasts tightly with leather laces and then added a nice crotch rope just for fun. He had this evil grin on His face when He finished. He looked at me and told me He would not remove the ropes until i begged for release. When He decided i had begged enough then He would remove the ropes. Oh Man....this was a very hard struggle for me. i know that Sir likes me to try and endure the bondage for as long as i can, but not to push myself beyond my limits. That struggle was hard but with the added struggle of having to admit that i can't endure any more....Ugh! i hate having to ask for release from any predicament. i feel like a failure. Sir usually knows when i have had enough and stops.....but never made me ask before. i have a safe word but like most subs i pride myself on not having used it. (Of course i do not think it is weak or wrong to use your safe word....i have with previous partners) i just hate admitting defeat. Sir has told me over and over that it isn't failure or defeat.....it is learning my own limits and understanding my own body better. It is also a nice mindfuck.

i lasted about 3 hours with the ropes before i began the hour long contemplation about begging for release. my breasts were so sore and my clit had been rubbed raw....i was so ready to be done with the ropes, but felt so embarrassed and defeated when having to ask for release. i wasn't expecting to be embarrassed but i was. i finally went over to Sir and knelt in front of Him. i began to cry and just begged and begged for release. i think Sir was a bit surprised at my crying but did show mercy on me after a short time. Thank you Sir!!!

i wish this task wasn't so hard for me. i also wish i could have taken the ropes longer...maybe next time.

lucy and i are going to have a girl's night this Friday. Sir has to take an overnight trip and i am going to stay with lucy. my wee one will be with us too and He is So excited about the sleepover. Initially we were going to be at my house but lucy thought it might be fun for my little guy is we camped out in the living room and had some fun....i agreed!!

i am also going to spend some time with the band this weekend. Morgan asked me to come by and i figured it had been long enough since i sang with the guys. i am excited but i know this will spark my interest in singing again and i just don't have time. Between work, vanilla world and Sir i am strung pretty thin already. Maybe this summer i will have more time but for now i need to keep myself focused....bummer:(

Well i am off to Sir's for our weekly talk. After that emotional outburst Sir wants to spend some time talking about everything and making sure i feeling okay about the session. i actually think it was great for me because it really pushed at a level of submission i haven't been to in a while. In hind sight i liked it but in the moment it was quite an emotional struggle for me. On a different note i feel really lucky to have Sir care enough to have this talk...Thank You Sir!!!

Until next time.................

Bits and Pieces

2007-04-20T11:25:00.000-07:00

this is lucy......

i have become a domestic goddess....well i would like to think that i have. i have been spending most of time around the house focusing on Master and my submission. It has been nice but there is a delicate balance for me. If i am inside for too long i get stir-crazy. i need to be out and experiencing life. Master and i are going to find a way to create this balance. He seems to know what He is doing if i could just trust in that 100%.

There are moments when i feel like a bad slave for i can't release 100% of myself. i am still holding onto to things that Master wants me to let go of. He says it is my age but what if i am always going to be like this. Does it mean i am not truly meant to be submissive. Maybe this is the difference people talk about between a sub and a slave. i want to release myself 100% to Master but i struggle. i get mad at myself and then i act out. Then i am filled with guilt. Thus far things have been great. Having melody helps tremendously. i find that not being alone so much helps me.

i am trying Master
i am scared but ready
i am Yours....

Sorry for the delay

2007-04-18T17:49:00.000-07:00

i know it has been along time since i have posted anything but my life is insane right now. i am a teacher and mid-terms have come and gone and now we are gearing up for finals. my vanilla life is always hectic with a wee one and my time with Sir Michael has been limited. i have been given a reprieve in my journal posting but it seems i just don't have time to post at all or when i do have time i just can't muster the energy to post. i actually get a lot of comfort and support from reading blogs but can't seem to give the same commitment to the blog world. i give many props to those post everyday.....i wish i could do the same. i did with Cloud but when Sir doesn't punish if i don't....then i don't feel the pressure to post.

Things are good though!

lucy and i are getting along wonderfully and really find support and comfort in each other. It seems like her break has really offered the insight she needed. i find myself loving her and i am not sure that is okay. she is my best friend right now and i am afraid she will betray that......all my other friends have. Some will say that people who betray me aren't really friends, which is true, but i didn't know they would betray our friendship. i couldn't foresee the future then and i can't now. my only hope is that things will keep going in the direction that they have been.

One big change in our world is that my mate has been invited into a few sessions with Sir Michael. It made me so nervous but i really wanted it. i want Him to be a part of this part of my life and i hope He continues to show interest. He told me it really turned Him on but He was nervous to have that much control. Is that normal for Doms? my hope is that He will continue to want to explore.

i know there are people who read our blog and my promise is to try and post at least once a week. i know that isn't much but my life is crazy right now so that is all i can promise for the time. Thanks to all who keep coming back and i hope i can continue to give support to this community.

Until next time.......

The Figging Punishment

2007-03-25T18:22:00.000-07:00

i was naked, laying on the floor of the attic. i could see the video camera in front of me along with a pile of ropes. Sir proceeded to tie my hands behind my back lacing the silky rope around my arms all the way to my elbows. Then Sir moved to my ankles and laced my legs tightly together. Then Sir placed me over a pile of pillows so that my ass was fully exposed, pointing ever so nicely right up in His face. i was so embarrassed for some reason. i knew what was coming and i was dreading it.....the ginger. It was a decent size piece of ginger and Sir had peeled it so it was nice and fleshy (as He put it) Sir used the juices from my cunt to lube up the ginger and before i could protest i felt Sir push the ginger right into my rectum....Ugh. Once Sir had things in place the pillows were removed and i was tied into slightly loose hogtie. Usually i can barely move when Sir ties me in a hogtie but He wanted me to be able to wiggle a bit. He wanted to watch me struggle with this burning ginger in my ass. i had nipple clamps and a jaw spreader gag.....i HATE this gag which made it great for this punishment. It instantly makes me drool and i can't stand drooling!!!

At first the piece of ginger was just uncomfortable. Almost like a shit that wouldn't come out. Then it slowly began to burn. little by little the burning got worse. i tried to wiggle the piece of ginger around a bit but all that did was make a new area of my rectum a victim to the burning. i definitely gave Sir the show He was after because i was miserable. i wiggled and moaned and cursed myself from behind all the drool. i became really angry that Sir would put me through this but i realized i needed it at the same time.

After about 20 minutes of struggling it became easier to just settle into the pain and accept it. i knew i couldn't wiggle out of the predicament so i just rode it. i welcomed the pain because i deserved it. i needed to be punished for m y actions and so i wanted Sir to see that i accepted His punishment and i learned my lesson. i had to endure this punishment for 45 minutes which seemed like eternity. Afterwards Sir and i talked and He held me and told me He loved me as His submissive. That He didn't like to watch me suffer through all that but it was necessary. The video isn't for Sir it's for me for future reminder of what happens when i act out.

i suppose i have to say it was successful punishment but it pains me to say it.

Oh yeah ans my ass burned for days to follow....AHHHHH!!!

It's been too long

2007-03-09T17:33:00.000-08:00

This morning i looked at the blog and realized how neglectful we have been.

lucy is home....YAY!!! We had a wonderful home coming and many of the 'kinks' have been ironed out. i am sure there will be bumps along the way but we seem stronger and more cohesive. When in a poly type relationship it is easy to get stuck at those bumps. If one person struggles longer than the others it can be difficult. i have learned lots about patience and really hearing someone.

One change is we have more clearly defined relations with one another. I will explore my Dominant side with lucy but she will not with me. It became to hard for lucy to switch roles. I really like the idea of exploring that side of things. i think it will help me understand my submission at a deeper level. It has been along time since i really delved deep into my submission and i am really looking forward to doing it again. lucy on the other hand hasn't had as much opportunity to really experience the depth of submission and she feels she needs to concentrate on that. Master Michael will use us both together from time to time which i really love doing!

i feel like we are complete having lucy home again!

Sir Michael informed me that i will be spending more time in the cage soon. i feel nervous about it but i find that it really helps me center myself within my submission. When locked in a cage you really have no option but to think. It puts me in my place so to speak. i do feel very vulnerable after a session with the cage....almost needy. i think it might be mild sub drop but how can just being in the cage do that. Usually i only experience sub drop after a particularly intense session.

One a more vanilla note.........
i have been given the opportunity to teach a few classes in a more public setting. There are a few restaurants that offer cooking classes to the public and I can't get to teach a session on quick meals with a gourmet feel. This is something i do often at home, and i can't wait tot ouch in with my demographic.

The other day while at school this intern approached me and asked me out for coffee. He wants to talk about some private cooking lessons. i would love to do that and make some extra money but I am nervous. We have this flirty exchange and it really turns me on.....Now this guy is absolutely gorgeous, and i am really attracted to him. Part of me wished we could do the cooking lessons in the nude but that isn't realistic....hehehehe

Until next time......

Oh yeah....i will ahev topost about the figging punishment....it SUCKED!!!!

An Idea

2007-02-27T15:42:00.000-08:00

Sir told me to thank everyone for their ideas....especially Cloud. Cloud sent me this beautiful email with, what Sir calls, a fabulous idea.

Clouds idea: figging - pealed ginger root soaked in water and inserted into the rectum. The burning sensation for some is unbearable coupled with bondage so that you cannot wiggle. great for tasks where you need to concentrate and even house work. The ginger brings out a new level of punishment.

Sir is going to use Cloud's idea coupled with a good caning with the shower curtain rod. (i tried it out on myself and it stings....i imagine that is nothing compared to Sir's swing) Sir has not decided how many times or how long the punishment will go on for. Ugh.....why can't i just be a good sub. Or at least think before i act.

Thanks everyone for commenting.
melody

Punishment

2007-02-26T15:55:00.000-08:00

Ugh........

Sir told me that i have to present a few ideas for punishment. Sir wants me to really think threw my infractions and find a real punishment. (He is REALLY angry with me)

my infractions:
1) Drinking too much
2) Trying to hide my mistake. Then when confronted i tried to make excuses for myself
3) Breaking the shower curtain rod
4) Taking away Sir's ability to use me that night. (This is the big one)

i was thinking that a good hard spanking would be good but i would enjoy that too much for it to be a punishment. Loosing my girls night with lucy...but that would hurt her too. There is a ton of anal options that would totally suck.....Ugh i just don't know what to say. Nothing really appeals to me....Go figure!!!!

Any ideas???

BAD subbie move.....BIG punishment

2007-02-25T12:08:00.001-08:00

Last night Sir had a few friends over for cocktails. It was only for an hour or so to show off His new deck to a few co-workers. Sir told me my duties early in the day via email.......my job was to fix a simple appetizer and drinks. Sir told me i was allowed to have a drink too but only one. my first priority was to attend to Sir and His guests. No problem........

Now i had the most HORRIBLE day! Whatever could go wrong went wrong. After work all i wanted to do was go home and have a big stiff drink. i of course could not do that.....NOOOOO i had to go be super nice subbie to a bunch of people i didn't know, and put on a happy face while i did it. Once i got to Sir's house i did as instructed and tidied up the house and put my appetizer together. When the guests arrived i made nice and took drink orders. Now this is where i made my bad choice.......

i knew i could have one drink, SO i made mine extra stiff. (basically all vodka and a splash of tonic) i hadn't eaten much that day so it went straight to my head. i managed to maintain myself through the cocktails and when the guests left i excused myself to the bathroom. i was pretty drunk and didn't want to admit it. i was going to splash a little water on my face and pull myself together.

While looking for a towel i stumbled, lost my balance and fell into the bath tub. All the while pulling down the shower curtain and banging my head into the tile wall. It all happened so fast and i was in total shock. i just laid there stiff as a board. Meanwhile Sir came running down the hallway and burst into the bathroom to make sure i was okay. i was okay.....just a wee bit drunk. i still can't believe it did that......Ugh!!!

Now i am in BIG trouble!!!! punishment undecided as of yet.

Until next time..
melody

My thoughts on the cage

2007-02-23T14:51:00.000-08:00

In the previous post melody talks about spending time in the cage. I thought I would give my feelings on it.......

I want more!

The thought of melody helpless and waiting. Wondering what I would do next? How long would I leave her there? Building her desire and curiosity. I can honestly say that I didn't sleep much during my proposed nap. I was to busy handling my erection.

I would like to comment a little on having lucy in the cage. lucy doesn't like the cage. I have been soft with her and not pushed my desire to have her there. After my response to melody being caged I am definitely going to put lucy there more often. I am going to be much stricter with lucy and make her recognize that she is there to satisfy my needs first. I do like to satisfy her too but not as much as she will hope.

That's all for now!
Master Michael

Strange feelings

2007-02-23T12:48:00.000-08:00

Yesterday created a strange set of emotions for me. Sir has been really putting me in some strict bondage lately. He really enjoys hog tying me on a table. He moves up to the edge of the table so that my breasts hang over the edge. This allows for easier access to my nipples. Sir attaches my collar to the ceiling hooks so that i don't topple forward. It isn't the most wonderful of positions to be in for a long time but i put a personal challenge on myself to take it longer than the time before. i wonder if other subs/slaves do that? Anyway, we have been having lots of bondage lately and i really needed a rest. my body was killing me and my muscles really needed some down time. i politely asked Sir if i might have some time to rest before we progressed forward. Sir told me that i could but i had to rest in the cage.

OH Man! This is a big challenge for me. i wanted so badly to give the right answer here. i honestly didn't want to rest in the cage. When i asked i had this fantasy idea of resting snuggled in Sirs arms on the nice fluffy pillows........ON THE BED!!! Now my mind was scrambling.....i hate those curve balls Doms throw us from time to time. i decided that i needed the rest so i decided to opt for the cage. Sir seemed surprised....

Sir moved the cage into the bedroom next to the bed. He instructed me to lock my cuffs together and crawl into the cage. Once in the cage Sir told me He was going to nap and i would be left in there for the duration of the nap. He put a blindfold on me and locked the cage.

i was immediately nervous and felt i would never be able to last a couple hours in this cage. i began to use some of my meditation techniques.....Thank you CLoud......and relaxed myself. my thoughts wondered from my submission to all the papers i need to grade. It felt strange to think about work in the situation i was in.....hehehehe.

All in all i think i would say i enjoyed it. it forces you to relax and focus....or center yourself. Once released from the cage i was a moldable submissive to say the least. i was putty in Sirs hands and we both really enjoyed it. Because of the effect it had on me Sir wants to use it more often........Not to sure how i feel about that.....Hmmmmmm:)

i am really enjoying exploring my submission. Sir is wonderful!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now onto some great news........lucy will be returning for good next week. i am SOOOO excited and Sir is too! He is like a little kid getting ready for Disney Land. It is refreshing to see such love! They are going to spend some time together and i will be doing odd tasks each day.

Sir told me i will not be allowed to orgasm during that time. (i have no comment on this at this time)

Until next time.........
melody

Random Thoughts

2007-02-19T11:35:00.000-08:00

Things in my life are going well....for once. It is super nice to have minimal stress in my life. i love it when things run smoothly...it is when i am happiest. It never seems to last for very long which is the only part that bothers me.

i have been thinking lately about being more in the moment. i think i would enjoy my world and the things i already have if i am more in the moment. When i am in a BDSM setting i am totally in the moment, but you have to be. It is easy to be elsewhere in your brain during everyday life. i find i am always thinking about the future. Preparing, planning, worrying,......it seems is making me unable to truly appreciate the things i already have. If i were to be 100% present in the moment i would enjoy my son and mate more. i would be less stressed because i wouldn't be worrying about all the things i am not doing. It seems simple enough but harder than i realized. It is easy to loose yourself in the future......if you don't like what you see in the moment it is easier to space out on something else. i know i am babbling but that happens to me from time to time....hehehehe

Until next time.........
melody

A Few Emotional Thoughts......

2007-02-15T14:12:00.000-08:00

i have been reading a few blogs about emotion in relation to the BDSM lifestyle.....in particular looking at the questions: Do all slaves want emotion from their Dom? For me i wonder if a relationship can be successful without emotion (in any realm)?

When you have a "vanilla" life outside of the lifestyle it can become difficult to give emotionally to both relationships. Of course we have to put our "vanilla" life first and by the time i get tot he BDSM i don't want emotion....to a degree. there are many times when all i want is to be submissive and serve. i want to be used and abused! i want Sir to be stern and strict. i want the leash to be held tightly for that is where i tend to feel the most peace. Now that being said....

submission is a crazy emotional journey. One that touches on SO many emotions. (i tend to be on the more emotional side) There are times when i get confused and insecure about things.....i will question my submission or have a particularly hard session that sends me into an emotional whirl wind........or the ever famous sub drop. During those times i look to my Dom for emotional support. i look to feel that He understands me and can share in the emotional journey as well as the physical journey. i would also guess that this lifestyle can be emotional for Doms too and i would like to share that journey with my Dom....or share in it at least.

i think that a relationship can be successful, without emotion, if you can emotionally support yourself....HA!

i have struggled with this in previous relationships. It is strange to me that someone wouldn't want emotion in any relationship, but everyone has different needs.

Until next time.........
melody

Pondering??? (both girls tonight)

2007-02-13T19:28:00.000-08:00

The other night i was sitting with a very close girlfriend of mine. She is what we call 'vanilla'. i am pretty open about who i am with the people who are close to me, so she knows of my adventures in BDSM. Okay so we are sitting around the computer doing some business and she opens my secret photo folder. This is a folder that i store pictures in that stir something within me.......many being extreme BDSM. At first she was shocked but then she very pointedly asked, "Do you want to do these things or do you just fantasize about doing them?" This made me think????

There are a few fantasies that i have....and use regularly while masturbating. (Do others have "staple" fantasies??? HA!) Some of those fantasies i don't know if i would really want to partake in. All the pondering made me realize that there are areas of BDSM that totally turn me on, but i don't know i would want to actually do. Part of me is scared and part of me doesn't want the fantasy to loose it's excitement.

i also remember with my first Master that there were areas He took me to that i never thought i would go. Maybe i just need to find the right person to take me there. Any thoughts??

Until next time..........

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Hey its lucy now..........

i just had the most wonderful time being home with Master and melody. We all spent three whole days together and it was amazing. We talked and really connected. This is something i have been longing for and now that i have it back i am feeling at peace.

i want to write more but for now it has to be short and sweet. i am heading back to my parents for a few more weeks but i know i will be heading back to my real place.....at home with Master!

My girl comes home - Master

2007-02-02T19:05:00.000-08:00

My girl is coming home tonight!!!!

I am overwhelmed with emotion. Something that doesn't happen very often. I am a bit concerned for how things might unravel the few days. I want lucy to really find herself before she returns to me.

Subs should not be allowed to pout. I am a sucker for the turned over lip and big, sad eyes. Last night melody gave me that look. The one I can't seem to resist. It amazes me how soft I got. When I realized how she was manipulating me I stood my ground.....but man it was hard to say no to that face.

I am heading out to meet lucy at the airport. I mustn't keep my needs waiting any longer.....HA!

Feeling Strange - melody

2007-01-31T15:27:00.000-08:00

Last night was strange for me. It was a little toooo vanilla for me....if that makes any sense. i went to Sir's house and this was the first time He didn't want to do anything kinky. It was strange to be there....be in submissive mode, and not being expected to be. i felt out of sorts. It isn't as if we don't do some vanilla things but even when doing a vanilla activity i am expected to be in submissive space. i am not His equal but last night i was....or He wanted me to be. Sir wanted me to be there as His friend and "hang out". i didn't really know what to say. i was half expecting a punishment for my attitude and tardiness on tasks. i had actually been thinking about it all day....preparing myself for it and then nothing. Not even a commanding voice....it was just strange.

When He told me were not going to do anything but relax i thought for a minute.....Okay, this is strange but if that is what He wants of me then that is what i will do. i was expecting Sir to still be Dominant but He wasn't. It was as if we were an old married couple. If i am going to be vanilla i want to do it at home with my family. Is that totally selfish??

Well it was weird and i have been thinking about it all day. When i left Sir knew i was feeling strange but He didn't say anything. Maybe i am making too big a deal about it???

Until next time........

Irritated - melody

2007-01-30T15:45:00.000-08:00

You would think after yesterday punishment i would be busting my butt to get to that task list. Weeelllll....that is not the case. i have been so wrapped up in vanilla life that i haven't had time to progress any further. It is days like this that make me feel i can't balance everything. i have this wonderful notion that i can take on everything life has to offer and make it all work. It just never seem to work out for me....Go figure:(

Sir was quite irritated with my attitude about it. He thinks i should just be able to do it. He told me i wasn't trying hard enough....Ugh! i feel like all i do is try but it seems to not be enough. What is enough and how do i reach it? Is it fair for Sir to need more of with lucy gone? Is it fair for Him not to allow me time to adjust to the new demands? i got really irritated with Him after that conversation. Now we are both irritated and i have to go over there tonight....Ugh! i should just get ready to get my butt beat.....Hmmmm....could be better than it thought??

i figure this post might help my case a bit, but my sarcasm about it wont.

Until next time.......

Added fun for Shopping - Mel

2007-01-29T15:53:00.000-08:00

As you read in the previous post i had to complete at least two of the tasks on my To-do list. Sir really wanted me to get the shopping done so that's what i did. He also told me that since i was so behind on my butt plug training i could put one in before i left for shopping and remove it when all the groceries were put away. He was kind enough to allow me to choose which plug to use....thank god for small favors.

i had to make three stops. the hardware store, wine/beer shop and the grocery store. i then would proceed to Sir's house and unload all the groceries....and REMOVE that BUTT PLUG!!!! i managed to get threw all my shopping with ease. i was VERY uncomfortable but that was the idea. my rectum is a bit swollen for the length of time i wore it. i am scared of having to have anal sex with a bottom this sore.....AHHHHH!

Now i am off to home....until next time.....

Lots of junk.....melody

2007-01-29T11:59:00.000-08:00

This morning i got my usual call from Sir and the first things out of His mouth were that we were going to go over my task list and see how i was doing.

my first thoughts...."OH Shit!!!"

He gave me 30 minutes to collect myself and call Him back. Before i called i was supposed to email Him my list stating which tasks were complete. my heart was pounding and i raced to suck down a cup of tea and pull my list together. i had done some of my tasks but i was not nearly as far along as i should have been. First here is the list:

1) blog posting - Not complete
2) shopping venture - Not complete
3) butt plug training - half complete
4) Nipple tasks - i haven't done the shopping so i can't even begin this one
5) Morning devotionals - completed each morning
6) Shopping for Sir's dinner party - Not complete
7) Answers to Sir's questions. Sir has been reading a lot of online blogs and has compiled a list of questions that He would like to hear my thoughts on. - half complete
8) daily fantasy - emails each day
9) House hold chores - Not complete
10) Pictures - Not complete
11) Incorporate exercises back into routine - not totally complete

Okay so after i compiled the list i realized i had done a lot less than i thought.....AHHHHH! i knew when i hit the send button there would be a back lash for my procrastinating. there was no way i could be able to complete all these tasks by Wednesday.....We both knew that. i have lots of vanilla things that i have to juggle too. i hate it when i can't let myself organized enough to do everything i would like to be able to do. i have lost some of my superwoman complex (Thanks Cloud) but i am still struggling with organization. i really need another assistant or a TA or an intern or something.

i initially tried to create all these excuses for why i hadn't given Sir's tasks more attention. the more i thought the ore i realized i just honestly procrastinated. there were plenty of moments when i could have gotten to some of these tasks but i choose to do something else. i put myself first. This realization made me instantly saddened by my actions. i was letting Sir down an it was the worst time possible for me to that to Him. He is struggling with lucy and the last thing He needs is His other sub disappointing Him. i should be on my best behavior right now...trying extra hard to please Sir. He deserves it and needs it right now.

The guilt became overwhelming. (i have this great ability to give myself more guilt than anyone ever could) When Sir called me i immediately went into my admission and apology. He was disappointed but pleased with my recognition of my mistakes. He isn't going to be lenient but He felt i understood and is looking forward to my improvements. my punishment will be given to me tonight. Sir was in a creative mood and wanted some time to really think the punishment thru. (Great this usually means predicament bondage) i do have to write a formal apology letter to Sir and complete at least two tasks by the end of today.

Other news......
lucy is coming home for the weekend. i am SOOOO excited to see her, hold her, laugh with her, smell her and possibly taste her....hehehehe. We are all going to spend some together and talk about how lucy is doing and what she wants to do from here. i think it will be a pretty intense weekend emotionally....more for them than myself. i want to support them and make sure everyone gets what they desire. lucy is excited and wants to come home for good but Sir seems apprehensive to allow that. He feels lucy needs more time and i think He will insist on it.

Sir has been opening up to me more about His feelings and i understand. He has really listened to me and my opinion and it makes me really feel apart of their life......in a more meaningful way. (does that make sense???) i think lucy needs more time too but i also trust that she knows herself well.

Their situation makes me think of the saying that sometimes love just isn't enough. i have always hated that saying but as i get older i understand it more. People can love one another but need different things. Desires change, people change and not everyone is willing to compromise....or should compromise? lucy desires things that Sir does not need or want right now in His life. He is the Master of His house and so He isn't willing to compromise much. He is older and has settled down. he understands why lucy wants the things she does and feels she should have them now while she is young. Nobody wants to have regrets.

This situation also makes me think about age differences in relationships. i am generally drawn to older men and hasn't been too dofficult but it can be for some. Hmmmmm????

well i just looked at the clock and realised i better get going....i have rambled on enough. i know people desire to read more BDSM content so we are open to topic ideas????

Until next time.....

Master First Post

2007-01-26T17:27:00.000-08:00

This is my first time ever posting on a blog. It seems strange to share so blindly. I have read many blogs over the last few months and found that it seems to help the submissive. They seem to find support in blogging and reading about others. I suppose it helps to know you are not alone. I don't really see a need for me to post but melody insists if I try it I will find something. Of course she doesn't know what I will find but it will be great. I am sceptical but open.

My house is in a bit of transition. lucy is at home for a visit. she will be returning soon with a new found focus. We shall see what that means. lucy is a wonderful slave but she is very young. she needs to blossom more and I worry I can't offer her everything she needs. That is why I wanted to introduce a new sub to our life. lucy has never been apposed to other woman being part of our intimate life. We searched and found the most wonderful person....melody.

lucy and melody had a friendship first and they get along beautifully. melody is everything I was looking for. melody has a different more mature submission. lucy still needs to find her way. I love lucy but don't want that to be a source of regret for her later in life. When she returns I will maintain my tight hold on her and hope that We can find our way.

On a more kinky level......

I have been having a wonderful time with melody. she is VERY submissive. It is almost like a different realm for her. I have been trying to increase her bondage tolerance. she has been doing very well. The other night she cooked and hosted a dinner for me and friends. she is amazing in the kitchen and in service. melody has this ability to really make me feel like the King of a room. she has this amazing ability to predict my needs. she is observant and remembers small details. I LOVE that!

I am going to head out for the night. I am interested to see where this leads.

Update - melody

2007-01-21T17:37:00.000-08:00

It has been a long week here.

It seems i go through this time when i let things slip. i get all organized and function well for a while and then i loose it.....i fall out of groove. i am supposed to be posting two times a week here and i never manage to do that. i can't mange to spend more than an hour singing and Sir would like to see me do much more than that. The "extra" things in my life....the things i do for just me are always the things that get put on the back burner. Why is it that i choose to put the things aside that give me the most pleasure? The things that satisfy me inside are the things i push to the bottom of my lists. Something to ponder more???

lucy is away visiting family for a while. Sir sent her home to be where she feels connected and safe. lucy really needs to focus herself. There are always times in our lives when we get confused. i hope she finds what she needs. she wont be posting much while she is away.

i will get to spend more one-on-one time with Sir. i am excited but nervous. i don't want Him to be bored or unsatisfied with me. i can only do my best.

i am off to cook dinner....
Until next time......

Pushing myself

2007-01-14T18:40:00.000-08:00

i was used very hard this weekend. It created a very strange mindset for me and i thought maybe i would share it. Generally speaking Sir will make sure that i receive some pleasure or satisfaction from a session. On Saturday night that wasn't the case.

i was used very hard. It was the first i truly felt like Sir didn't care what i wanted He new what He desired from me and He was going to take that. It was the first time i have felt like it wasn't about me at all....it was totally about Sir. i felt small and very submissive. i knew i had to get myself into a place where i could put my own desires aside and give Sir what He wanted. i had to dig deep because it is a place i have not been to in a very long time. i wanted to kick and scream and pout but i knew that Sir wouldn't enjoy that at all. He would have been very disappointed if i didn't give Him what He desired. Sir has given me SO much that it became important for me to give something back.

He first tied me with my arms above my head and legs spread wide. i was gagged and blindfolded. The music went on and out came the toys. i felt the first serge of pain when i felt the weight and pinch of nipple clamps. Sir proceeded to place clothed pegs all over my breasts. At this point i was screaming in my gag and thought for sure He would release me soon. i was SO totally wrong. Sir pushed every limit i had that night. He sent me flying high. It was hard for me to mentally get past the fact that there wasn't a damn thing i could do about anything that was going on....or going to happen. That can be an intense mindfuck at times. It was the first time i couldn't predict what was coming next.

Did i like it?? At first...NO! Then after i relaxed and let myself drift into the music. i put myself in the moment as best i could and went with it. i want to say that i "rode" the pain. i let go. It became this amazing release for me. i began to remember what this felt like and how amazing it was to give myself to Sir 100%.

Afterwards we talked and Sir held me. He was floating as much as i was and it felt great!! i haven't felt that submissive pride in along time. i did good and i felt it by the look in His eyes.

Until next time......

Refocused

2007-01-10T15:21:00.000-08:00

It seems it has been a long time since i posted here. i took a bit of a break to reconnect with myself and my priorities. i have a tendency to loose sight of what really matters and get caught up in reckless behavior. This isn't the first time this has happened, but Master always stands by me and helps me refocus. i don't understand why i do the thins i do...well thats not entirly true. i just loose my way sometimes and need a strong hand to being me back. Master and i spent lots of time together recently....mainly in the BDSM way. i was put on a tight leash and forced to focus on these things: Am I satisfied with my life? What do i really want? What am i really feeling inside and own those feelings? i needed to release my fears.

I really tried to give myself to my submisison during the past few weeks. i know i want to be with Master. i know there are a few things i still want from my life. i am scared Master wont want to take those journey's with me. my fears tend to overwhelm me and cloud my judgement. i sabotage myself. AHHHHHH! i am refocused and living more in the moment. The less i project into the future the more contented i feel.

mel and i have connected on some of these issues. i have really leaned on her during this time instead of pushing her away. i feel we have connected. i think melody has lots to offer me but i fear i have nothing to offer her. Both Master and mel disagree with me but time will tell.

on a more BDSM not......i am off orgasm denial. i had four amazing orgasms at the end of my three week denial period. i feel badly for melody for she is now on orgasm denial. Actually deep down there is a part of me that doesn't feel too badly.....hahaha. It is fun to watch her squirm and beg. she is actually pretty good at begging and has almost gotten Master to cave. Master has s soft spot for melody....it is sweet.

Well i am off to start dinner prep and do a little writting for Master.
It is nice to be back......

melody posting

2007-01-08T15:06:00.000-08:00

As you see there are a few changes made to the blog. Now both lucy and i will be posting here...along with Sir Michael. i am still learning how to add people to the contributers list but soon we will all be posting here.

Another change that has been made is an addition to my name. Sir wanted to give me something that would connect Us. He felt an addition of a name of His choosing would be appropriate way to start. Sir does not wish to strip me of the name Cloud gave to me so Sir has added melody...official name being fledgeling melody. i am a song bird and have brought many new melodies to their life....thus the name melody. i think it is cute. It is strange being given a name. It has significance....but what kind? i thought about how this name will change me...if at all. i think it might help me feel more connected to my new beginning. i am starting a new journey so it helps me connect and embrace that new beginning. i do not wish to loose who i was with Cloud....just enhance what i have become.

The three of us have spent a lot of time talking and addressing some of lucy's issues. Things seem to have evened out now and we are all excited to begin this new year together.

We had a nice juicy session the other night. i was tied to the spanking bench and watched as Sir brought lucy to orgasm....multiple times. i am now on orgasm denial and it is a wee bit difficult. Lately we have been switching. lucy was the one on orgasm denial for a few weeks and now it is my turn. Sir says He is going to push me harder this time around. Hmmmmm....should that excite me as much as it does? i am sure my thoughts will change after a few days of teasing.

i find that i really enjoy watching lucy being used. If i had a crotch rope last night i would have orgasmed for sure. i wasn't even fondled between my legs and yet i was on the edge of orgasm. listening to lucy beg and squirm under Sirs hand was SO exciting to me. It was amazing and something i hope i get experience again soon.

Well i am off to shave and prepare myself for Sir. he is coming over tonight to have a beer with my mate. Things seem to be heading in a good direction there. i can't wait to see if my mate really steps into this world????

Until next time.......

melody posting

2006-12-27T12:34:00.000-08:00

i get to perform with the band tonight!!!!!!

i wrote this a couple days ago and didn't get a chance to finish it. Sir told me to atleast post what i had so here it is........

The Holidays were fantastic. i finally got to have a nice mellow Christmas with my family....no running around visiting people. It was just what i needed.....a few days home with my family. i made a nice rib roast with all the trimmings, and of course lots of wine & beer!

i also got to spend some time with Sir Michael & lucy. Things are strange between them right now. They are not really fighting just redefining things. As you all know lucy had to post about her punishment with LP. It has been since then that they are struggling. Sir thinks that lucy is young and needs to take some time to make sure she is in the right place. As we grow we change....it may not alwyas be what we want or expect but we must accept it and embrace it. lucy has been taking time to think about herself and her place. Lots of things surfaced and one of the things was the addition of me. lucy has started to feel threatened by me. Hmmmm...not what i would have expected to surface but we all must deal with it now. The time i now spend with Sir is private and separate from lucy. she doesn't want to watch or see our sessions for a while. i can respect that. Sir told me that lucy initially wanted to be a part of things but is finding it harder than she expected. i asked if i should leave and Sir said no. He told me that this is ultimately what He desired and it was something that they would address and fix. lucy does't want me to leave either...she just nees time to adjust.

i am not used to this poly thing. i know my relationship with Sir Michael is SOOOO different from His relationship with lucy. i am better at separating things. i actually have my own there's about why lucy is acting out. i think it has a lot to do with her age. i will not comment any more unless asked.

Sir asked me to write about the difference between lucy and myself. i wasn't told why....Just told to do it. Here goes......

Of course there is the obvious physical differences. lucy is more olive complication than me and has a very petite frame. her hair changes color all the time...right now it is red. she has blue eyes and is very vivatious. her style is a bit punk meets vintage....strange but cute. her body is very toned....very nice. me on the other hand i am big and all stretched out from having kids. i have short dark hair and a great big smile. i am generally happy dress very casually....jeans and tshirts. i am serious about the things i have to do in my life and tend to be perceived as stand-offish sometimes.

lucy has a younger mind-set than i do. i would guess that she has a young soul while mine is a bit older. she is wild and carefree. she is all about risk....i am more about calculated risks. i have much more responsibility than her so i am a bit more serious. i need schedule, routine, and control. ..lucy needs more freedoms and is much more spontaneous than me.

melody posting...Question

2006-12-20T10:40:00.000-08:00

Does anyone know of a good electric razor that can be used for pubic hair?

i have been growing out my muff...per Sir's request. Now i have to shave and i was wondering if i could get is pretty short with an electric razor then smooth it up with a blade. i am scared to just try it. i am afraid it will pull or the hair will get stuck. Maybe i am being silly. i figured someone out there has tried it and if it can work then i want to know.

Any help would be much appreciated!!!

melody Posting

2006-12-19T09:34:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone...Happy Holidays!!!

We have been hit with an intense wind storm last week and we have been without power until yesterday. lucy and Sir Michael are still without power and probably will be until after Christmas. They have gas heat but no power so they have been bunking here with us. It is nice to have the extra help of lucy with all the preparation involved in Christmas. my mate and Sir M have been getting along greatly and spending time together outside of us girls. At first i felt strange about this friendship but i am finding that i like it....this is why....

Last night my mate became somewhat Dominant with me while being intimate. As i said recently there has been a spark of interest from my mate but i didn't think it would really go anywhere. Sir says they have been talking a lot about it and that He has a genuine interest in learning about the lifestyle. When i first brought my desires to my mate he told me he didn't want to participate in that...now things seem a bit different. Okay so back to last night....we were getting intimate and i was laying naked on the bed. my mate told me....in a stern, commanding voice, to place my hands on the wall and not move for he was going to explore my body. i swear my clit pulsed with just the thought. He took his time and felt, and explored my body. It was a small thing but very nice and very welcomed. i would love to share this part of my life with my mate...that person i love. How perfect would that be....it is like a dream to me.

i have had some alone time with Sir recently and that has been great. We are getting closer and i am learning how to really please Him. He told me He is really enjoying my service and i am loving being able to serve. It really helps me be content and centered. it is strange how one session with Sir makes me calm and centered. i took a whipping that i didn't think i could take which pleased Sir very much. He tied me to a spanking bench and told me He was going to try out His new toys on me. i was whipped with two new floggers, studded strap, wooden dowel and a paddle that looked like part of a tire. (that one hurt so bad!!!) i took twenty five smacks from each one and i honestly didn't think i could handle it. It has been a long time since my skin has felt that much pain and i thought i would wuss out...but i didn't. i became more and more centered and began to fly. it was amazing and made me want more. Sir told me i actually asked Him not to stop.....i don't know that i believe that....hehehehe. i asked Sir if He could do a session like that each week because the release i felt was amazing. Sir even told me i was more submissive than He has ever seen after that session. i was at peace and fully into my submissive space....it was amazing. Thank You Sir Michael for taking em and caring so much about me. You are leading me into places i never thought i could experience again!

lucy and i are going shopping tonight for Christmas. i have been told that i will be wearing a butt plug and have my breasts bound during this excursion. i know lucy will have breast bondage too but beyond that i am not sure. We have a few "kinky" things we are supposed to do while at the mall. i have to make lucy orgasm in a changing room and we have to kiss numerous times while out and about.....in public view. That is going to be a hard one for me. i have never kissed a girl unless i was among likeminded people. i feel a little insecure about this task but i will do it. i feel comfortable with lucy so i can pull on that strength to get threw it.

all in all things are good here. it is nice to have good friends around and actually i wish we could all live like this all the time. We are functioning like one big family and it feels so right!

i wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you to Cloud for all He gave to me over the last year. i know He and i couldn't continue and that breaks my heart each time i think about....but He did right by me. He was the first Dom that has every really done right by me and i am more appreciative than ever. i wouldn't be able to give myself in submission if it wasn't for Him. Thank You Cloud!!! i wish You all the best with minion. You deserve it and i am SO glad You found her!!!!

Until next time......

melody Posting

2006-12-13T08:20:00.000-08:00

i am posting here because i haven't gotten a new blog started yet. i feel strange about posting as Darklights fledgeling when i am not.....does that make sense. i am supposed to be blogging again so here is where i will be for a bit.

Yesterday Sir visited me at school. It was a nice surprise. When He arrived i was saying goodbye to my friend Morgan with a hug. Sir asked if i thought that was an appropriate thing to do. i had never really thought about it from His point of view. Is it appropriate fo rme to hug male friends. i think it is...Especially ones that Sir has already met. i couldn't imagine not hugging Morgan. Sir didn't say anything more about it just wants me to think about it.

i did my escort date with Sir Garrick. It was very vanilla and i really enjoyed myself. i haven't been a business meeting in a long while and i really enjoyed the stimulating conversation. i meet some nice people and had some amazing food....always a plus for me. At the end of the evening Sir Garrick gave me a spanking. i forgot how hard a persons hand can be. It seemed to hurt more than the flogger....hmmmm?

well my office hours are almost over. i will try to post more regularly and get my new blog space up and running.

Until next time.....

Big TIme Punishment

2006-12-11T13:05:00.000-08:00

Things have been a bit intense lately. i got myself into a heap of trouble and that is why i have not been around. It is really hard to find a place to start but Master is making me write this as part of my punishment. i am not thrilled with this in any way but i understand why He wants me to do it. He wants me to write it out so i will think it through again.....so i will see His point more clearly. i have to give a little history for the story to make sense...so here goes.....

Since i started school i have made many new friends. There is one boy, LP, in particular that i have become close to. i am really attracted to him too and i told Master this. There is always people in life we are attracted to even if we are in love....right? The only time we hung out was in school and you can't really talk much in school. i found myself flirting with him and enjoying our little exchange. i liked the attention and we have a lot in common. i remember the moment i choose not to tell LP about Master. He straight out asked me if i had a boyfriend. i hesitated then said, "not really." i rationalized this by telling myself that Master isn't technically a boyfriend.....Yeah right? i choose not to tell LP all the details about my life.....that was wrong....very wrong.

After a few months LP asked me out. i told him i was too busy and kept making up excuses not to hang with him outside of school. Then LP finally asked me why i was playing so hard to get. i got nervous because i didn't want to give up my friendship...or whatever it was. i decided to invite him over to study after school one day. Now, here again was another crutial point in my disobedience. i am not allowed to have guests over without permission and definitely not a boy without Master there. i figured i could tell Master it was a study group thing and He would understand. (Now how could i not see then how stupid this was?)

Ofcourse Master found out that i had the boy over. Master was a little early coming home and saw LP pulling out of the driveway on His way in. As soon as i saw Masters face i realized i was in BIG trouble.

Master: "lucy, come here!"

my heart sank when i heard His voice....i knew He saw LP leave. OH FUCK! i ran to Master and knelt before Him. i was silent and just waited....it felt like forever before He spoke.

Master: "Who was that leaving here? i want the truth lucy!"

me: " it was a friend from school."

Master: "Do I know this friend? Did you have permission for this friend to come by?" He was stern but calm at this point.

(Now before i answered i thought i could lie here....i could make up a story about how LP just stopped by unannounced or i missed my bus and got a ride home....but i knew better)

me: "No Master." followed by a list of a million excuses and begging for Him to understand why i broke the rules.

At this point Master said nothing. He grabbed my hair and lead me into the attic. He only acted....never telling me to be quiet just ignoring me. He put my collar on and told me to remove my clothes. Once naked He then attached the collar to a chain on the floor. He locked it in place, turned the cameras on (so He can watch me downstairs) and left. Master returned with a clock. He put it right in my line of view and left again. He locked the attic door and never said a word to me.

It was dark and silent....the only noise was that stupid clock. i was there for two hours, sitting on the floor...cold and left to my thoughts. i hated this time. i felt guilty, and angry at myself. i knew i did wrong and i knew i deserved to be punished. i hate it when i hurt Master, and i know He was hurt....and pissed!

When Master finally came back we spent some time talking and He wanted me to tell Him all the details of what was going on with me. He was calm and listened to me. Then of course i had to listen to Him....now that lecture sucked. One thing i appreciate most about my relationship is how fair and understanding of human fault Master is. He was angry and said it would never happen again. If it did i would be released until i was ready to prove my commitment to Master. He was hurt and lost some trust in me. (That was hard to hear) i know what i did was wrong and it WONT happen again.

my punishment:
i had to go in and tell LP today about my relationship and how i lied to him. That was really hard but LP was actually pretty understanding. He said he has done stuff like that before. We are still friends and hopefully i wont be so stupid ever again.

i had to write a letter of apology to Master and that is private.

i have to sleep in the attic until i can prove i am recommitted to Master.

i have to spend 20 minutes a day in the corner, kneeling and focusing on my submission.

Master is tightening my leash and my daily schedule is ALOT stricter.

i also took a pretty intense spanking that night of the incident. There were a few other things but Master says i don't have to put those in here.

i know this post is long so i will wrap things up now. i am more focused. i am grateful for such a wonderful Master!
i am more sorry for this than any other thing in my life. i hope Master will forgive me and trust me.

i LOVE you MASTER!!!

Slacker & ling Special Post

2006-12-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

Yes i am slacking on my posts, and Master knows about it. i have a set amount of time i am allowed to be on the internet each day. i usually read others blogs looking for inspiration...or maybe just procrastinating...and time flies by when you are reading....really it does!! i usually run out of time or stop and think i will get back to it. i have gotten bad with my time management and keep adding things to my schedule which isn't helping. i will find myself sitting in bed with the moment of realization that i forgot to post. i took a pretty intense bottom burner for my missed posts but Master says He is going to get more creative with punishment for missed blogs....OH great:)

Being in school is becoming increasingly difficult. my teachers are piling on the work and i have tests in each class coming up before the break....AHHHH! If i don't bring my grades up Master is going to reconsider this school thing....i don't want that so i have been cramming like a crazy lady.

ling sent me this email and wants me to post part of it here. she is trying to get back into posting...YEAH!!!

ling wrote.....
It seems strange to be here and posting. i was given a reprieve of sorts to get myself back into a good place. It is hard to be released and given to another even when it is for the best. i am finally starting to come into my place here with Sir & lucy. i love them both dearly and feel like Cloud has found a good place for me.

i have been training on the weekends with Sir and spending lots of time in bondage and toughening up my 'sensitive' areas...hehehehe. It has been wild and intense and i am loving it!!!!

Sir is very controlling and is always looking over my shoulder. i have to say that it has made me a better slave...those peering eyes. Having to look into His face and explain my failure to do something is intense....really intense actually. It is exactly the level of control i am after. Like last weeks Sir told me i was going to escort Sir Garrick to a vanilla party. There was no questions asked....just an order. i was given instructions for an outfit and told to fit it into my schedule. i think i almost orgasmed when Sir was giving me the instructions. It was strange feeling because i couldn't argue....i had to just act. It was great!!!

Control is something i need and long for. i am not sure why but i feel very secure when i have that sense of control over me. i feel safe! i know i am loved by my family....that is one thing i am not short on. i am the one with most of the control in my vanilla world and to relinquish that to a trusting, deserving individual is amazing!

i think lucy posted about my little open mic thing. Well my mate was there and got to meet Sir. They spent lots of time talking and getting acquainted with one another. It is nice to know that they are comfortable with one another. Then Sir hinted that my mate might not be as vanilla as i think....WHAT???? He told me they were going to have lunch and talk more....my mate had more questions. They haven't has lunch date yet but i will keep you posted on that front.

that's about it for now.....Until next time!!!!

Treats

2006-12-02T14:04:00.000-08:00

i just ate half a pan of rice crispies treats!

Then to make myself feel better i tried to spread it thin across the whole pan. i knew Master would be upset at me eating as much as i did, but i needed it. Does it make me a bad slave because i ate the treats anyway? Maybe that makes me a submissive not a slave? i do most everything Master says. There are some things i get to do alone because i am so young. Master thinks i need a few freedoms. i AlWAYS ask before i do anything or make any big decisions....Essentially handing the decision to Master. i call myself a slave and Master calls me His slave....so for all intents in our house i am a slave.

Moving on......

Friday night was fun, fun. ling came over and cooked dinner for us. Then we talked with ling about her singing. We were all invited to a party at a friend house, (she is a member of the lifestyle...we met at a munch) She is having a vanilla get together and wanted ling to sing a few songs. Master broached the topic with her and she didn't want to do it at all. Master then asked if He ordered it would she do it? ling said yes and she is doing it. i am quietly, excited:)

Master also told me something very interesting. When we went out to the club to hear ling sing the other night her mate was there. Master spent some time chatting with him. He was all to interested in what we did. Master thinks maybe he is more interested than ling realizes. Hmmmm???

i have to go prepare for Master.

Snow Storm

2006-12-01T06:44:00.000-08:00

We had a blast of snow blow threw here and Master and i ended up without power for three days. It was difficult at first to be without my computer but Master kept me busy....hehehe. He chuckled at me and told me i had a lot of posts to catch upon....does that mean i have to do five posts now to catch up??? It can be hard to read his mind at times.

ling is coming over tonight. Master has told her that she will accompany Sir Garrick to a party. We talked after and she said it made her super wet to just be told she was going. ling really likes that control and Master is great at giving it. He is going to go over some rules with her tonight and then she is cooking us dinner. i am unsure if there will be play but i am sure Master has something up His sadistic sleeve.

During the power outage Master thought it would be fun to give me 40 smacks with each toy He had. He has about 29 different straps, whips, floggers, belts, paddles.....it felt endless. Master didn't do this all in one day which i am eternally grateful for. Let me just say that my ass and breast have some nice bruises on them....and it is killing me to sit and write this post. It was a fun challenge for me because i wasn't tied for any of the spankings/whippings. It was my challenge to endure without movement. We practiced some of the positions learned from ling and Master said i did wonderfully. There is one leather strap that made me wiggle and try to get away. i actually tried to cover my ass, totally wasn't thinking, which got me into a heap of trouble. There wasn't a lot of bondage just submission and beating...YUMMY!!

Well i am off to get ready for school.

Back to the ropes.....

2006-11-27T13:57:00.000-08:00

i decided not to wait till Wednesday to make my first post this week. Hmmm...am i being a good sub or just enjoying being on blogger??? Master wants me to think about how this blogging is helping me grow or if it is at all?

Back to the crotch rope:

i think i left off where it was begins to REALLY burn like a rope burn does. i had to wear that damn crotch rope for two more hours. i had to wear it until i finished my chores. (Of course Master gave me this giant chore list) During that 'burn' i had this major internal struggle with myself. i wanted to beg for release but my stubborn side was trying to push threw. i became determined to win out this weaker side of myself. After an hour of acceptance i found myself trying to figure out what Master wanted more. Did He want me to beg for release or did He want me to really push myself? Then i figured He just wanted to me have this internal struggle. There were a few moments where i actually went into His office, stood there silently and then left again. He could tell i was struggling and i think i actually heard Him chuckle.

Well that crotch rope made my clit SO swollen and sore. Just the slightest touch made me jump. i wanted to beg for orgasm but i knew if He touched my clit it would hurt. i was feeling SO needy. It was strange to not know what to do with myself. i decided to let go and follow Master lead. i wouldn't beg for anything just let Master take what He wanted.

Master took me for quite a journey over the weekend. He didn't allow me to orgasm until His family left and that was three LONG days! All the mind play and bondage played off because Master made love to me on Sunday night....it was amazing....and it HURT!!

i am off to study.

Crotch ropes suck!!

2006-11-22T19:36:00.000-08:00

Today after lunch Master grabbed me by a fist full of hair and pulled me up into the attic. He looked deep into my eyes and told me to strip and grab the overhead bar. Ofcourse i had to begin asking a million questions and being a smart ass....which didn't go over too well. See Master and i had been verbally teasing and playing all day and so it was hard to change gears that fast. i was still feeling childish and playful, but Master was not. i took a few swift smacks to the ass and was told to be silent or He would make me silent. i was silent immediately for i wasn't in the mood to do chores with a gag.

Master proceeded to bind my breasts. After they were bulging and turning a nice red color He took each nipple and placed a weighted alligator clamp on each. i felt that initial burn run threw me and then it subsided into a manageable pain...until Master flicked the weight. (He really is sexy when that sadist comes to life...yummy) i guess i don't have to say how wet i was at this point....Especially since i am on orgasm denial for a while. During these time Master likes to make my agony even harder and that is where the crotch rope comes into play.

First i was filled with a nice thin vibrator which was kept in place with a tightly tied crotch rope. Master positioned my clit right in between two strands of the rope...making my clit swollen with excitement. Then Master added one more rope that had a knot so nicely placed right up against my swollen clit. This rope was tied a wee bit looser so as to add a rubbing sensation when i moved. Master then kissed me, removed the nipple clamps, and told me to go about my chores. Here were my rules for this predicament:
~If i complained to Him i would be punished.
~If i messed with the ropes i would be punished.
~If i orgasmed i would be severely punished.
~i was allowed to beg, with permission, for release from my torment but i would have to present three GREAT arguments as to why i should be released....UGH! (this three argument thing never works for me because i get so distracted by my predicament that i can't think of three, GREAT reasons)

Now i went and started my chores. At first i was enjoying the pain and pleasure waves. i didn't really have as much trouble fighting back orgasm as i initially thought. After about an hour of enjoying my ropes i began to really feel the burn. The rope with the perfectly placed knot started to actually give me a rope burn...or that's what it felt like. Every move i made caused this burning sensation...UGH.

Master is calling for me so to be continued......

Holidays and More

2006-11-22T07:12:00.000-08:00

Well ling's performance was amazing!! Master has been calling her melody because of the beautiful sounds that she produces....cute huh? she sang three songs.....with her friend Morgan. (side note...He is REALLY good looking) Master is going to work on getting the audio thing to work on blogger. He tried but everytime we went to play it it would bog our system down.....Ugh to blogger.

Master finally got to meet ling's mate. They got along exceptionally well....better than anyone thought. He seemed really curious about what Master and i do with her and Master wonders if maybe is more interested than ling thinks. The boys are going to get some beers over the holiday and talk. When i asked about what Master said i was being a nosy slave so that's all i got.

Now i was hit with a bomb of information yesterday.......Master's family is coming for the holiday. OH MY GOD!!! my heart about dropped out of my body. Master is very open about His lifestyle. No, i don't walk around naked and get beaten in front of them but our roles are clearly defined and we represent them at all times. Needless to say His family isn't all supportive. Master's mom is a wonderful woman and she loves how i "take care" of her son. His sister is a total bitch. Her and i do not get along and she thinks i am adding to the repression of woman. i can't stand her and she can't stand me...should be fun. she walks all over her husband but sees nothing wrong with that. Now Master's brother is young and horny....He is always hitting on me. Master thinks its funny but i really don't like it. Master has made arrangements for the food so all ihave to do is clean and prepare the guest quarters. This should be an interesting holiday.

Being that we have guests Master has given me a little break on my posting. If i choose not to get my three posts in then they will be added to the next week after the holiday. i am thinking i should just get threw the posts since i only have one more but i am worried i will be too distracted when they arrive. We shall see.

i am off to work on my chores.

A Quickie

2006-11-20T18:16:00.000-08:00

Tonight i am going out to watch ling do an open mic performance. i am SOOOOO excited. Just watching her up there on stage makes my pussy throb....she really has been getting my juices flowing lately. she looks so beautiful up there on stage. ling has a lot of talent but will not admit to it.

Master sent me an email with instructions on what i am to wear to the performance. (He is going to meet me there.) i am to wear this tight wrap around shirt i have with no bra....and no panties either. a short black skirt with my knee high boots. i think i will look like a slut but that is what Maser wants then that is what Master gets.

The other day at the grocery store the check out clerk was totally hitting on me and Master didn't like it. He said it was because i was flirting back which i didn't really think i was doing. Master usually like sit when guys try to hit on me but not the other day. He told me i was acting inappropriately and i found myself in a heap of trouble. Now when i look back i think i was flirting a weeee bit but it was harmless. my ass is killing me and i am on orgasm denial for a while. that means a long time when Master doesn't designate a time frame. Ugh....why do i do this to myself.

Well i am off to get ready for tonight. i will make ling post so you all can know ow she did. i wonder if we could put an audio clip on here...hmmm something to ask Master???

Third post

2006-11-15T19:06:00.000-08:00

As rosebud so nicely pointed out i am very close to missing my three posts a week. (however I am not on Australian time...hehehe) Honestly i usually get caught up in reading other blogs that my computer time is up and i haven't gotten to my post....Ugh!! Today i decided to do my post first then do my reading.

Today ling and i were given the task to go shopping. We had to purchase:
1) 300 feet of rope...any color we wanted
2) double bullet vibrator
3) a bag of "bulldog" clips
4) each choose a spanking tool from the hardware store. (We are choosing a tool that will be used on the other...Ugh ling choose a 1inch dowel...of course we didn't know these things would be used on the other person)

Master informed us that we will be doing a little predicament bondage this weekend. Should be fun!!!!

We had SOOOOO much fun shopping. It was like two school girls giggling in the stores. It made me very very very horny to do this shopping becaue my ind was racing trying to figure out what Master was going to do with all this stuff. i know that is exactly what He wanted!

ling's family will be taking a trip out of town in the coming weeks and we will have three whole days together...all three of us. i personally can't wait!!! i know ling is a little nervous but i am sure Master will ease her into things....maybe???

Today before we left for shopping we had to play with our cunts for 30 minutes. i was well on my way to orgasm but managed to stop myself from surcumbing to the desire....ling was not so lucky. Master's rule is you aren't allowed to stop playing with your cunt once you start. It is to train ourselves to hold an orgasm back. i have had much more training in this field than ling has. Since she orgasmed without permission she has to wear the butt plug everyday at school for a week. her ass is going to be sore....just in time for the weekend. (i think i might have a little sadist in me too....hehehe) i must admit that it was amazing to watch ling cum. It is beautiful to watch another woman pleasure herself...it really turned me on!!!

Well all this updating is making me hot and bothered. i have to get going to get Master his after dinner scotch.

Thanks rosebud for the three post warning:)

LOTS of Fun!!!

2006-11-12T17:23:00.000-08:00

The last few days have been filled with lots of play. ling came over on Friday and Master was home all weekend! On Friday we started with our demerits for the week. ling had 10 demerits and i had 3. Each demerit is worth 10 stroke from a instrument of Masters choice. i went first. i have been learning ling positions, the ones she learned in Clouds stable. i had to hold the punishment position while i received the punishment. ling had to choose my implement and i hers. She choose the riding crop and i choose the leather strap. It was funny because we each choose the others favorite. Maybe trying to make the punishment a little more enjoyable.

Holding the position was hard for me. i did enjoy the mental struggle i had to hold the position...is that strange?

After punishment we had dinner. ling made this wonderful pasta dish with lots of vegetables. Master told her of His love for vege's and she has adjusted the menu to favor that. i think it is nice to have a sub around that enjoys that household stuff because i struggle with it. It is kind of funny because ling would enjoy staying home for a while and i would enjoy her work. Ahh well i think e are meant to learn something from one another.

The evening progressed into me enduring an intense bondage session while ling got a nice hard spanking. i know she needed the release and Master enjoyed giving to her.

ling seems to be the type of woman that needs validation and emotional support. i worry hat she doesn't receive enough of that here. i am the "primary sub" here (not sure how else to put it) and i worry she struggles with that. Master feels that ling needs this time for herself. When she is here she has to sleep on the floor and one night she spent in the attic....she has been rebelling a bit. i know that Master and i adore her. We are both exstatic that she is a part of our family....we only hope she realizes it!!!!!!!!!

i am supposed to talk a bit about how the bondage session was for me. it was easier than i thought. i think that is because i had something to focus on besides my pain. i was watching ling receive her scene with Master. i didn't even really feel the pain of my bondage until i was being let loose. i usually like the release from bondage but that night it was this intense burning feeling. It felt nice to take a hot bath afterward. It wasn't has hard as i thought it would be to watch Master play with another sub. i always thought it would be hard...that i would be jealous. i really love ling and i wanted her ot have the release she so desperately needed that i lt my own needs subside. i wanted to see her get her needs fulfilled. i almost orgasmed when while she was being flogged. i have to admit that i had a crotch rope that was tied in just the right position that i could have orgasmed if i wanted to....but i was told not to. Master would have known because i squirt.

Well the rest of the weekend had some nice events but i have to go prepare dinner for Master. hopefully i will be back tonight.

Best wishes to all and to all a good night:)

2006-11-09T11:44:00.000-08:00

i am back to regular posting again. Master has instructed me that i must post here a minimum of three times a week. i will receive 15 strokes for each post missed.

Things have been a wee bit hectic in our world lately. However, Master always has this way of keeping me focused on my submission no matter how crazy our vanilla world gets. Master has told me that i am doing great juggling everything but would really like for me to be at home more. i am less able to be at His beck & call. Master wants me when He wants me and i need to be available. Once i started school and making friends it seemed to really take over my world. It was almost as if my focus shifted to my needs more than Masters. i started wanting tobe more social and wanting to spend more time with my new friends and colleges. Master is always supportive of my work/school but not when it interferes as much as i have allowed lately. We have spent some time looking at my schedule and prioritize my activities. Now i have to implement the changes. Initially i felt sad that i had to give up some things but then i realized that i wasn't giving them up....Just refocusing myself. i will say that i lost my focus but Master has been patient and is helping me see how my focus has strayed. Thank you Master!

Now a little news on the new sub...ling. Master has taken on a new sub and it has been such a wonderful experience so far. We get along great and it is wonderful having a submissive sister around. Someone who understands and i can share things with that i can't share with others. It has been much fun to watch Master play with her...on the flip side it is hard to watch her be punished. She is still learning all of Masters rules and getting acquainted with our ways. It is an internal struggle to not stop her from doing things...or mainly saying things... i know she shouldn't. She is testing Master a bit and it is interesting because i remember when i tested Master too.

On a fun note ling gave me oral pleasure the other night. Master had been keeping me on edge for a few weeks without orgasm. ) He loves keeping me REALLY needy) Master tied me to the bondage table and let ling explore my body any way she liked. ling was so gentle and tender in her movements and kisses. she explored my whole body with her fingers and lips. she caressed me and teased me for what seemed like forever. Then Master told her to pleasure me orally. ling hesitate initially but once she got started i could tell she was loving it. her moans became louder than my own at one point. It was an amazing release...thank you Master for allowing that!

well i am off to study now. Master has instructed me to ask people for ideas of predicament for ling and i to take part in. We are new to this whole two subs and Master was hoping to get some ideas for games or predicament. Master LOVES bondage so anything goes. He also told me that any ideas we actually part take in He will take photos to share. Any comments are appreciated.

Thanks and have fun with it!!!!

New Happenings

2006-11-07T10:42:00.000-08:00

i realize it has been a while since i posted here and i am sorry. There have been many new developments in our world and i have been given a reprieve from posting while we get adjusted. Master has taken on a new sub full time. This has been a great new experience for all of us. It has added a lot to Masters schedule. It is amazing how much work is involved in taking on a new sub. Our routines have changed and many of my tasks have changed too. i will go into more detail soon.

Many people have read ling's blog. She was part of Clouds stable but He has recently released her. Master has taken her on as His sub...hence all the changes. i am thrilled to have a sister slave and ling is excited too. i think i bring out the brat in her and Master isn't really liking that.

i will be posting more regularly soon. i will also be giving more detail about my tasks and new routines:)

All my best to the blog world!

New Sister

2006-10-08T07:29:00.000-07:00

Master has taken on a new sub for training. At first i was a wee bit nervous about this but i have lost all my nerves. This is going to be an amazing experience. i have always wanted a sister slave and now i am going to get one. i have people i email or chat too but it isn't the same as the physical flesh. We get to talk about girlie stuff, about Master, about sessions and what happened last night. i always thought Master adding another woman sub was because i wasn't enough.....but that isn't the case at all. This sister sub is gong to enhance my submission inso many ways. i can't wait.

One thing that is really new for me is taking her demerits and having her take mine. See throughout the week Master collects demerits and i must be punished for them at the end of the week. Now it will be Fridays which makes for an interesting way to start out a weekend. With ling involved in our circle we will bear eachothers demerits. This will definitely help me focus and Master thinks it will cut my demerits down considerably....or i hope so for ling's sake:)

Now for a comment about ling. This woman is amazing. When she slipped into sub mode it was the most amazing transformation i have ever seen. It is as if the superwoman i know transcends into this submissive goddess. Whatever....it was beautiful and i only wish she could see what i see.

i already have ten demerits this week. i was supposed to bring home the digital camera from school so we could use it Friday....but spacy lucy forgot. i was using it to photograph food for this magazine thing and left it in my locker.....that sucks!!!

i am also going to be taught these six protocol positions that ling showed us. She actually endured 30 hard swats with a paddle and barely moved from her position. i honestly don't think i have that much control over my body. i think i will try to wiggle out of each one....Hence i spend lots of time in bondage. Master says things are going to change and i am excited for it!!!

well life is good and i am SO excited to have this new sister to share with!!!

Feelings

2006-09-27T14:27:00.000-07:00

i am feeling down today. i got a nasty email and phone call from a friend. This is a person i have known for about 6 years and we have been the closets of friends ever since we met. We no longer live near eachother and it has taken it toll on our friendship. There just isn't enough time in the day for long phone calls or chats online. i have been sending him emails and a link to my blog so he can keep updated on my life....but that isn't enough for him. How do you tell someone you love and care about that you don't have the time for them like you used to....or like they desire? It is hard because i don't want to loose my friendship but i just can't feel badly every time i can't chat. Then i got this email and phone message from him and he just said hurtful things. i know he is hurting and wanted to make me hurt to but all it did was make me angry....and Master too. Master reads all my emails and listens to all my voicemails, so He knows what my friend said and is pissed. Master told me He was going to call my friend and i know i can't stop Him but i wish He would let me handle it. As a slave do i have that right? Should i be allowed to handle this situation? i suppose not and i should trust that Master will do what is right.....BUT Master has a tendency to be blunt and harsh. i am more sensitive and sweet....or more considerate of my friends feelings. Master could care less if my friend is upset at Him....Ugh.

Now onto an interesting story. One i find to be funny but Master doesn't. The other night we were out at a club and Master got into a fight....(hehehe, makes me giggle just thinking about it) Okay so here is the story.....
i really wanted to go dancing and Master being so kind decided to indulge me and take me out to this club i have been wanting to check out. Master choose this short jean skirt with a black tank top. i was showing some skin but tastefully. When we arrived Master ordered me to fetch a round of drinks before i went out on the dance floor. i danced my way to the bar and while waiting for my drinks i started talking to the guys at the bar. i will admit that i can be a bit flirty but nothing out of control. One of the guys asked me if i wanted to dance. Now Master doesn't dance so i brought Him the drinks and asked if i could dance with this guy. Master said yes. (now there are some rules for me dancing with other men....the number one rule is no touching) This guy did not respect my boundaries at all and had his hands and body all up on me. i told him repeatedly to stop and when he didn't i started to walk away. As i turned to walk away the guy grabbed me and pulled me back. By this point Master was on His way out to the dance floor to rescue me. This guy got all pissed and called me very rude vulgar names. Master is usually great about talking people down but this guy was just an asshole. Basically He got up in Masters face and at one point pushed Him. Master did not like that so He punched Him, and knocked the guy down with one swift punch. The reason i laugh is because Master is not the type of person that would get in a fight like this....usually it takes more to set Master off. i will admit that it is flattering to have Him protect me like that. When we got home i had to nurse Master back to good health and He told me we wouldn't be doing that for a long time. Master also told me that we were going to go over the rules of clubbing......and then He gave that evil eye....the one that makes me feel i am in a wee bit of trouble.

Speaking of trouble do you (as a slave) ever feel like you are always sin trouble? Lately i do and it is making me feel down on myself as a slave. i feel like i have been with Master long enough that i shouldn't be getting myself into this much trouble. Master laughs and says i am being to hard on myself and that being a slave is a constant learning process. i just want Master to be happy with His property and always having to dish out another lesson....Ugh! Like i said i am a bit down today and way off topic. sorry i should probably end this now before i stray to far.

Friends

2006-09-20T07:26:00.000-07:00

As usual things have been hectic here. After we have guests it take us a bit to get back into the swing of O/our life....if that even makes any sense. Master is back to His regular schedule for work and i am off and running to school....YEAH!!

i LOVE school!!! i love learning and i am loving the information i am learning. i feel so grateful for this opportunity that Master has given me. Thank You Master!!!

One of my teachers is a good friend of mine....Someone i think of as a best friend now. She has really become an important part of mine and Master life. There is a great connection between the three of us. The reason i bring her up is she has been going threw a time of self awareness and discovery. She is trying to understand her submission and her desires. She has a crazy busy vanilla world and a long distance Dom. Honestly she has made many big adjustments recently to make time in her life for her submission. i am impressed with her determination to not just put her submission on the back burner. i am impressed with her determination to live her deepest desires.

The last few nights i have been spending time talking with her and mostly listening. She thought she was ready to jump back in and give her Dom the commitment He was looking for....but now she is back in thinking mode at her Dom's request. she is questioning everything she had felt strong about a few days ago. she is feeling down and like maybe she choose the wrong path...she is questioning everything she thought she had decided the past weeks. i understand the need to really think things threw but there is a point of overthinking and i feel she is there. Master and i have talked lots about our friend and we would love to take her into our circle. Master loves training and the connection is there between us....but she is smitten with her Dom. Which i understand completely....just wishing for myself...HAHA! i just want to see my friend have all she desires. she has the biggest submissive heart of anyone i have ever met. i know she will find her place in time i just hope time doesn't become the enemy.

Master has put me on a tight leash this past week....well since Addy left. i have been used ever night and in ways i haven't been since training. i am feeling really centered and focused on Master which is a very secure place for me. i just hope my friends finds her center and focus soon. i also hope she know i am here for her as is Master.

Punishment

2006-09-13T19:12:00.000-07:00

Master read my post and was NOT happy about me being late this morning. The main reason i was late was because i dilly-dally around when i am alone. i need to learn to train my internal voice to not dilly-dally. Being late is one of Master's biggest dislikes.....thus i am in punishment tonight for my tardiness.

i have to sleep in the attic and then i will face 2 smacks with the cane for each minute i was late.....UGH!!!

Alive and Well

2006-09-13T07:40:00.000-07:00

Well it has been a while since my last post and i know i haven't made my three posts a week task....but Master has allowed me to break while Addy was here. I should mention that she stayed three days longer than she was supposed to....AHHHHH! It was a very long visit and of course she was her usual self. i initially thought about writing about all the little shit she pulled or said but figured it would be wasted energy.....so i am glad she is gone and i am moving forward.

School has started and i am loving it!!!! It is a lot of work but the schedule works out perfect. i am gone after Master in the morning and then home before Him....always there to serve:) It is a very long day but i am adjusting. i start by getting up at 5am. i make Master coffee and breakfast then i hope in the shower. After i dry off while running around naked laying out Master's clothes and making sure He has all His needs met before going to work. Master leaves at 6:30 and i leave around 7. i am hone from school at 3:30 so i can get my chores done and start dinner before Master gets home at 6:00.

We have started to slip into a very routine feel around here.....very vanilla. Master has felt it too because i woke up to an email list of tasks for the day:

1) Wear your nipple clamps to and from school.
2) Masturbate inbetween each class but no orgasm
3) Once home i have to put on the leather breast binders and my chastity belt. i can not remove until Master gets home.
4) Kneel in the corner in the attic starting 30 minutes before Master is due home....wait for Him there.

i hope He has some other fun things in store for us....we shall see. i am glad to be back to some normalcy here. It is nice to be Master and me again:) That is the way i like it the best but it isn't my choice. Well i am off to class....a little late i know.

Ex's

2006-09-06T17:58:00.000-07:00

Master's ex-girlfriend (Addy) is coming to visit. They dated almost 20 years ago and have been friends ever since. Addy is a Domme but we do not play together. She does not like me because she thinks i am not a good sub for Master....or not a good fit for Him. She actually said that to my face....can you believe that!!

Every time she comes to visit i am on edge and very bitter. i know She will fight me for Master's attention and she will order me around. Master says i am supposed to show Addy the same level of respect i would any other Dom/Domme. UGH!!! That is so frustrating for me because do not like her. Have you ever tried to serve and be nice to someone you dislike? It is horrible!!!

Master has reassured me that He loves me and i am the best sub for Him. It is nice to hear that from Him and it makes me feel good. i know Master would never do anything to hurt me on purpose.....but why do we have to allow this woman in our house? i am not allowed to have contact with my Ex's So why does Master get to? i know the answer to that one but wish it wasn't so.....Grrrrr!!

well i am off to feel sorry for myself.....

Thinking

2006-09-03T18:51:00.000-07:00

i have spent the past three nights up in the attic. Sleeping, with my collar chained to the floor....no blankets or pillows. Being alone and having trouble sleeping i have spent lots of time thinking. i HATE sleeping in the attic. It is the one thing i really loath. During my first night thinking i realized that i was bitching and complaining A LOT! (i really hate the attic) Do i really have the right to complain? i mean i am a slave...property of Master. i should be thinking about my submission and how i can grow stronger during these exercises. How i could probably delve much deep er into my submission if i allowed myself to.
These three nights have tested my commitment to Master and He knows it. Usually i will beg and plead for Master to allow me to sleep in His bed. i go to great lengths and usually end up irritating Him. i decided to really focus on my commitment to Him and not verbalize my discomfort. i was going to be Master's slave and do what He asked...not be a brat. (Wow, what a concept...Ugh)

All weekend i have been the devoted, obedient totally subservient slave. the ones you read about in the novels...... i have not verbalized any of my complaints. i have just been grateful to be Master slave. It has been a strange experiment fo me because i really slipped away into a space i have never been before. i got to a point where i didn't think i just acted. It was as if He broke me again but without all the work. It was amazing and scary. i could tell that i shocked Master a few times. Then He started to purposely test me for amusement trying to pull the brat out of me....but i didn't cave. Evil sadist!

This morning Master came to wake me. He took my face in His hands, looked deep into my eyes and said, "this is the slave i always knew was in you lucy." my heart almost stopped.

i am a bit nervous about all this brings to light. i have two more nights in the attic so lots of time to think about it.

Master's Home

2006-08-30T07:16:00.000-07:00

Master is home!!!!!

Being without Him always gives me a new found appreciation for Him and the time we have together. It also put me in this mind set of being the perfect slave for Him upon His return. i did all my tasks and few extra things that i knew Master would appreciate. i prepared His favorite meals and served Him....being the patient, quite sub He expects during dinner service. i also did all the "extra tasks" Master left for me. These are things that i wasn't expected to do but should try if i had time. One of which was to masturbate in public and take a picture of myself. This one was really hard and i actually attempted it three separate days....Master found that part most amusing. We spent a wonderful evening together and Master used His slave well.

i actually have bruises on my bottom and breasts which is strange because i don't usually bruise. Master says its because i got soft while He was away, so He says the next few days He will toughen me back up....Oh thank you Master (very cheeky grin) i like that feeling of putting my breasts into bra trying not to feel the tender pain as i get them situated into their rightful place.....hehehehe.

Master is having a few friends visit from out of town....one of which is a good sub friend of mine from our old neighborhood. i am SOOOO excited to him. They will be spending the whole weekend and i think it will be lots of fun!! i have many tasks to do to prepare for their arrival and Master will be working from home and He said He is going to make my chores pleasurable for Him....Hmmmm? Right now i am stuffed full with a giant butt plug and a dildo the size of Mount Everest. i also have a posture collar on which i haven't worn in a long, long time...really since my training. i HATE the posture collar but love that Master likes to watch me struggle with it.

Master also told me a few things i could expect this weekend...
- i will be sleeping in the attic all weekend
- i will be used WELL this weekend
- i will be in full service mode and attend to everyone's needs...no matter what the need...Ahhh.
- i have no furniture privileges
- i have to use the bathroom outside...all the way in the back of the property.
- i will eat all my meals on the floor, beside Master
- i can not use my cell phone.....(this is very hard for me for i am a phone junkie)
Those are just a few to start....That's what Master said:)

Well i am off to start my chores....

Gratitude

2006-08-25T15:07:00.000-07:00

i am bored!!!

i have been doing house work and different jobs around here that haven't been getting done. Master emailed me a list of tasks this morning.

1) Nipple clamps every two hours for 10 minutes...until bed time.
2) butt plug for as long as i can manage two times
3) spend twenty minutes kneeling in the corner (on that flippin sand paper). This is a time for me to reflect on my submission....and that fact that my knees are killing me.
4) Mow the lawn while wearing a crotch rope and breast bondage. (Have you ever tied your own breasts.....it can be a little difficult.) The mower is one of those ones you ride on and it makes quite the vibration on an already sensitive pussy...not to mention i detest yard work!
5) Sweep and mop all the floors.....Ugh!
Then there are my daily house hold stuff. Should keep me busy but i just rebelled doing each task and that made it difficult to get threw them. i still haven't finished the floors yet or the twenty minutes in the corner. If i don't complete the list i have to sleep in the attic on the floor...i DO NOT want to do that.

my mind has a hard time staying focused when Master isn't here. i can honestly say i feel like a slave lately....even without Him here.

Oh yeah and i am not allowed to leave the property until He gets home...unless there is an emergency. i hate being stuck here....i feel isolated and i know that is part of what He wants. He wants me to see how easily He could take away all the privileges He has given. How i need to learn to appreciate all he has allowed me to this year.....Because i could be doing this everyday. It isn't that i wouldn't like to serve Master all day but being home alone all day everyday does not appeal to me. So i guess i will focus on my gratitude and appreciation while in the corner tonight. Hmmmm....i wonder if thinking about orgasms is bad...That's part of my submission right??

Punishment

2006-08-24T18:13:00.000-07:00

i got to speak to Master on the phone today....Yeah! Or so i thought it was to be a good phone call and then i heard His voice. It carried the all to familiar tone....the " I am going to be delayed coming home" tone....UGH!!! i am NOT happy at all. i immediately went into brat mode and the conversation did not end well. i was told to go into the attic, with my cell phone. Go straight to the corner...apply nipple clamps, kneel on the sand paper board and then wait for His phone call. AHHHH!

i had this moment of defiance where i thought, "what if i don't do it??" He wont ever really know would He? Atleast my good conscience got the best of me and i obeyed. Master made me wait 90 minutes for His call. i seriously thought i wasn't going to make it. i went from angry to sad to angry at myself and then back to sad....sad because i let my mouthy attitude get me into this position. Sad because i let Master down again and i should really recognize how lucky i am.

Master and i spent time talking and me begging for forgiveness. He did forgive me with a few smacks added to my list and then His last words to me were...."Remember lucy, it is my job to always know what my slave is doing. I am always watching lucy." How eerie is that? i knew deep down when i had those deviant thought that He would know if i didn't obey.......Wow, what a mind fuck huh!!!!

Sad and Alone

2006-08-22T18:53:00.000-07:00

Master has been gone for three days now and i haven't much felt like writing. my best girlfriend is out of town too so i feel very alone. i have a ton of tasks to do that's for sure. i admit to loving tasks but after a while alone it isn't as much fun anymore. It actually makes me miss Master more....Ugh!! i wish i could just hope on a plane and fly to Him....kneel before Him and be home again!

Well on a task front i have been doing this nipple training thing...Because Master feels my nipples are not "tough enough" i thought my tongue was going to fall to the floor when He said that. The thing that made me shocked was that i couldn't imagine what He could possibly do to them that He hasn't already...and something that required them to be tougher than they were?? Wow.....this should be an interesting ride. Anyway, i have been wearing nipple clamps with and without weights everyday...Sometimes three times a day. my nipples are raw and cracked so bad already and i have five more days of this shit....OH Man!!!

i suppose i shouldn't bitch because i could have no Master and that would be worse than this.....but still it sucks sometimes. i really wish He was home at night to give them some of His attention....that would nake it all better....hehehehe

Whilrwind!!!

2006-08-17T16:56:00.000-07:00

Things have been a whirlwind of stuff lately. It seems that Master has to take a trip to the east coast for work. He will be gone for ten days...which totally sucks. The one good thing about this is that He got the week off to prepare. (Master can work from home easily so they allow that before He takes an extended trip) Usually i would go on the trip with Master but with my vanilla commitments it is too difficult for me to go. Master was not excited about this because usually i can just go without a problem. i know He isn't happy about having to go alone and i fear He will make me give up my job so that i can be at His side. i know that is where my place is and my heart....but this new job is wonderful. It has opened a side to me that i didn't know existed. It made me see that i am so much more than a slave. Not ment in a bad way but i always thought that was all i needed. that was my purpose....but with this new venture out in the world i am really liking it. i am feeling more well-rounded and confident. Master just doesn't want these ventures to take over my life.

This week has been filled with lots of BDSM!! i have been on a tight leash to prepare me for His departure. i will go threw a period of depression after He leaves and Master is trying to prepare me for it now. He has started prepping me on my tasks that i will do daily while He is away. He has also set up the web-cam for us to use at night....FUN!!

i looked at myself in the mirror this morning and thought, "Wow, if the police saw me they would think i was being abused." It made me chuckle.......anyone ever felt that before. It is like my dirty little secret...one that could cause a lot of trouble if looked on by the wrong people. That makes me mad but i understand. This world is filled with abusive people and we are taught to be overly cautious. We are not as free as we used to be...That's for sure.

Anyone treasure their bruises? i do!!! i look at them often and admire my them. It makes me wet because it brings up all the feelings i went threw getting the bruises.....too much fun!!! One of my friends said i was sick and twisted. i laughed at her but the more i thought about it the more i realized that there is abit of truth to that statement. Hehehehehe!!

Well i am off to attic. Master said i had 30 minutes of computer time before i would be used for the night. my pussy is throbbing with excitement:)

Balance

2006-08-13T08:20:00.000-07:00

Last night was another sensual night of play. It has been AMAZING!! It is strange how much i really needed this kind of intimacy with Master. It is like He is a mind reader sometimes.....then there are times when He doesn't have a clue. i guess it all evens out in the end....hehehe.

On a more personal note i am feeling emotional today. i do get to spend that day with a great friend and Master will be home tonight early....which is fantastic.....but why do i feel so down. i think it has a lot to do with my PMS. i turn into this emotional ball during my PMS time. i feel badly for men at times because PMS can be difficult for us woman to handle....i can't imagine having to deal with he residuals of it. Master is usually sympathetic....to a point. i can, under no circumstances, use my PMS as an excuse to act out. i have int he past but learned real quick that isn't appropriate.

i am finding it harder and harder to balance this new work life with my slave life. i am used to being 24/7 in slave mode. Before we moved here i wasn't out of the house much at all and anything extracurricular always involved Master. i think i am feeling the independence a bit. i like it but not as much as i act like i do. i don't want Master to take away my work, but i do want to be more His slave than an independent. i asked Him if we would ever go back to that 24/7 power exchange and Master looked shocked. He told me that the only reason He allowed the job was to give me a little something for myself. (and the money is nice) He told me i fought Him for months to get out of the house and now that i am i want back in the house. Gosh....subs can be so difficult!! Master told me we could restructure things anytime i wanted. Now i am in a stay of contemplation. i LOVE my work and my new bit of independence but yet i long to be at Masters feet all day....Hmmmm?

It actually felt great to have this conversation with Master. It always makes me feel better to know He is with me no matter how neurotic i get. Master said we can work on a better balance before we make hasty decisions. i have worked hard to develop my position at work, and it isn't something i feel i could walk away from easily.

well now onto a little fun....i am having some girl time today. ling and i are gong to get pedicures and a few spa treatments. i have never been toa spa and i am SO excited. i am also REALLY looking forward to the girl talk. i NEED that!!!! Should be fun!

More Tasks

2006-08-12T11:13:00.000-07:00

Master got called into work and so i sit here alone with nothing to do. i thought this would be the perfect opportunity to make a post. i am back on my three times a week having to post....Ugh! i am starting to enjoy writing here, but i am enjoying reading other blogs more. i find it fascinating all the different people here. It is like this world i didn't even knew existed. The more i explore the more intrigued i become.

Last night Master planned a more sensual scene than i am used to. He teased me and tormented me very gently and deliberately. It was VERY erotic....i think that is the best word to describe it. i was tied spread eagle to the bed and He just played with me. No hard spanking or nipple torture.....just sensual play. Master did tickle me a lot which i totally hate!!! i always feel like i am going to pee myself when He tickles me. He is relentless and if i am gagged it is SO much worse. It was fun! i needed it and i think Master could sense that. my punishment was intense and we both needed to have some real intimacy.....and pure plain old fun!!

i was finally allowed to pleasure Master and that put the cherry on top of my sundea!!!

i have been told that i will be given a list of tasks each morning. These tasks will be easy enough to complete but will test my strength and will power. Hmmmm??? i can see the sadistic wheels turning:)

i am off to do some work around the house.....naked with a crotch rope. my breasts are bound with rubber bands and i am supposed to masturbate every hour for five minutes. Not allowed to orgasm...UGH!!! Should be an interesting afternoon.

Where did she go?????

2006-08-11T08:53:00.000-07:00

Okay so i know it has been a while but i have a good excuse.....not one i am excited to share but a good one. i managed to get myself into a heap....BIG heap....of trouble. Master has been gratious enough to not making me share the details. THANK YOU MASTER!! i was on total restriction from anything outside of work and Master. my attention is now refocused and i have learned my lesson. i have been forgiven and we are moving forward.

i recently wrote a private journal to Master on how grateful i am. How lucky i am to have Him in my life. These emotions are hard for me to express sin this public forum, but the feelings are there. Master would ike for me to delve deeper into my emotion here but it is hard.

Now onto more fun....We are gong to a play party. We have made some new friends and have been invited to a party. i am extremely nervous because Master has not decided if He will use at the party or not. He is still thinking.....but i can see the evil grin....i can see the sadist inside Him arising tot he surface. i believe i am in for some public fun. this is the hardest kind of scene for me. i get all nervous and panicky. my mind wonders to all the little things the people around me are talking about. i am so vulnerable and can't keep my focus on Master. Then i can't get into my subspace and i end up acting out. i let my fears take over and totally loose my focus. One time i even screamed/ begging to be released before anything even started. i totally embarrassed Master and now that weighs heavily on me too. i don't want to embarrass Master.....in public none the less. Master says not to worry that He knows my limits and will only push me to do what He knows i can do. Master says we are going to work on a little focus training.....what ever that may be????

Regardless of my fears i know i am safe with Master. It should be interesting.

Questions 1-10

2006-08-02T11:44:00.000-07:00

art asked
1) What would your 'perfect day' consist of?
A whole day with Master....of course lots of playtime!! We don't get enough time together with Master's work schedule.

2)Is there anything you would not do for your master?
NO!. There are things i might struggle with but i always try my best to give Him what He asks.

3)If you could change or have one thing in life what would it be and why?
i would like to reunite with my family. i was given away for adoption at birth and grew up in the foster care system. i have no real family....except for Master now.

floweringhana said...
4) Do you have any crushes on other people?
i would have to answer yes tot his question. There is one womani n my life that i have a little crush on. Master knows of my attraction to woman an tries to indulge Us when He sees the right woman.

5) What is the most exhibitionist thing you done?
When i was first collard Master asked me to show my piercings to His friend and i thought i was going to die. i am not much of an exhibitionist....very shy around others. Master is trying to change this because He would really like to show me off.

6) What has scared you the most with your Master?
His love of needles.

7) Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
i would love to be married and on my way to starting a family. Master has always said He doesn't want children but He has softened to the idea as our love grows. i know it sounds simple and silly to most but for me it is a dream. Having a family is something i have always wanted.

8) What is your favorite toy? why?
i like Masters belt. There is this closeness and warmth i feel from it as it slashes across my ass. i love how He takes off the one He is wearing and uses that one. i prefer everyday items for toys but that is just me. i do have to admit that i LOVE Masters ropes too. there is something so comforting about being bound under His control.....i feel safe and loved.

9) What is your least favorite toy? and why?
The Cane!!! i don't think i need to explain that one....hehehehe.

10) What is the hardest thing you Master has asked of you? And how have you overcome it?
Most new things seem hard at first but with training and support from Master i overcome my fears or apprehension. i do remember this one experience when Master asked me to pleasure His friend. i was instructed to kneel and suck His cock. It was a very hard mental exercise for me because i only wanted to give myself to Master. i had to change my mind set so that i recognized i was giving myself to Master by pleasuring His friend....for HIM! It was a strange change in my mental state. i felt like i was cheating on Master or maybe i wasn't worthy of His cock anymore. i have come to realize that every action Master orders of me isn't for anyone but Him. That was a hard one for me to overcome.

A New Task

2006-08-01T19:58:00.000-07:00

Okay.....so i need a little help with this task from all you out there in blog/journal world. Master has been exploring other blogs and likes the post that Hana did with the questions. Master thought it would give other a chance to get to know me......So if you have any questions for me please post them in the comments. Master would like to see me answer 25 but any amount would be much appreciated. Anything goes!!!

Any help you can offer me with this task will make me eternally grateful!

THANKS!!!!

Task Complete

2006-07-30T12:04:00.000-07:00

It has been a very nice weekend here. We had a few friends over for a BBQ and that was great fun!!

Master has instructed me to finish writing about my task. i managed to get all the items on the list. Master did call me while i was out and added a big bag of clothes pins to the list.....Ugh!! When Master got home i had everything laid out for His approval and He looked everything over with this sadistic grin on His face. i could tell i was in for some sort of predicament.

i had put together a nice meal for us and Master said all this would wait till after dinner. my heart sank because the anticipation of all this was killing me. i now had to sit threw dinner without any relief from my ropes and i was anxious to know what Master had in mind for all those items. He knew it would be hard for me to sit threw dinner and not ask any questions......and it was horribly difficult....but i managed. Once dinner was over Master went into our bedroom and i was instructed to clean up the kitchen. UGH!!!!

When i finally finished i went into the bedroom and knelt beside the bed. Master instructed me to suck His cock....i did with great excitement. It didn't take much for my juices to start really flowing. Once Master was nice and hard He grabbed my hair and told me to grab the bar. (we have a canopy style bed and the bars are reinforced for bondage.) Master proceeded to touch my body all over....feeling how wet i was between my legs. He gave out this little chuckle when He ran His fingers over my clit. i almost jumped five feet i was so excited. Master then told me He would use all the item i bought today to place me in a bit of a predicament. Master loves watching me squirm....ALOT!

When Master went to loosen my crotch rope i thought....finally....but i was in for a bit of a surprise. Master inserted a big butt plug and attached the pocket vibe i bought right against my clit. Then He tightened the ropes again. i honestly thought i would orgasm right then and there. Master proceeded to untie my breasts and place one clothes pin at a time on my already tender breasts. There were 5 clothes pins in the bag. Master was kind and only used half the bag.....He managed to cover each breast well and a few on my pussy for fun....That's what He said! i was then placed on the bed in a tight hogtie. my hair was tied to my feet so that i could see the TV. Master then placed the porno i rented in the DVD player, turned on the vibe and told me not to orgasm without permission. At which point He placed a ball gag in mouth and left.

my mind immediately began to race. i had to calm myself so that i didn't orgasm. i initially thought i wouldn't watch the porno but whe i closed my eyes all it did was intensify my awareness of the vibe on my clit. i tried to wiggle around in hopes i could jar the vibe off the side of my clit, but all that did was increase the pain in my breasts. Being in the hogtie put pressure on all those clothes pins. my clit was screaming in pleasure, my tits were on fire and i had no idea when Master would be back.

It seemed like forever until i heard Master coming down the hall. i immediately began to squirm and moan trying to convey that i was ready to beg. To beg for my release! Master had other ideas. He pulled a chair up next to me and began to watch the porno with me. He made a comment about how long the movie was......60 minutes. OY MY GOD! He wasn't going to make me wait until the movie was over.....was He?

Master stood in front of me and removed the gag. He planted this big passionate kiss on me and sent shivers through my whole body. Then right in that romantic moment He shoved His cock down my throat. He face fucked me harder than ever before and when i felt His cum pour down my throat i felt at peace. (Of course i am not gonna lie and say i didn't want to beg to orgasm right then and there.....Because i DID!) Master grabbed my face in His hands and told me that i was a great slave. That He loved me and i had served Him well that night. He replaced the gag and told me He wasn't in the mood to hear me beg.

After the movie i was released from my hogtie and given a whipping that really made me fly. After the whipping....just when i thougth i couldn't take any more Master stepped close to me and started to play with my clit. i gave Master these pleading eyes....eyes that longed for that sexual release. Master removed the gag and told me that i could beg Him, and if i did a good job He would consider letting me orgasm. Let me just say that i begged with all my might.....every submissive bone in my body was behind that begging. Did i ever say that Master likes to give me tough choices in that state? He told me i could orgasm but i would have to sleep in the attic. If i didn't orgasm i could sleep in Master bed next to Him.....Ugh! Master also doesn't let me have long to decide. i quickly realized that i couldn't hold my orgasm any longer and let the wave of pleasure overcome my body. i could feel the puddle forming at my feet. i think it was the longest orgasm i have ever had....seriously. i was paralyzed in the pleasure.

i did spend the night on the floor in the attic that night....soaked in my own juices. Was it worth it???

2006-07-28T12:23:00.000-07:00

First a BIG thanks to all who posted a comment!!

Master said all of those exact things to me but i was really shocked! This proves how very naive i am in all this. The comments also made me a bit nervous...because that means people are reading what i am writing. i feel very insecure with that and immediately didn't want to post today. i am supposed to post three times a week. Master set this rule a few nights ago for my fears were beginning to take hold of me. i was feeling like my insecurities were being validated by that commenter. Master did not like this one bit and feels this new rule will help me step back out of my shell.

It is amazing to me how secure i feel with Master and how insecure i feel with others......Sexually/submissively that is. i feel i have been successful in my confidence in the work force....now to apply that confidence to my submissive world and i could really soar! Master will guide me and i will soar one day. (i don't really like all this figurative language but it is a nice way to put things)

A task has been given to me this morning. i was awakened and used.....quite roughly i might add. It was a nice way to center myself for the day and this task. After we were all cleaned up Master put my breasts into a nice bondage bra. Not too tight....just right. Then i was given a crotch rope that was a bit tighter and made me go instantly crazy. It has been a while without orgasm and i am really starting to feel the desire intensify. i WANT IT!!!! BADLY!!!! While Master was positioning the crotch rope He took full advantage of my desire. He teased and caressed my clit. i almost lost my footing. i got dressed and knelt by the bed and waited for instruction.

i was to wear the ropes till Master got home from work.
i was under NO circumstances allowed to touch the ropes except to go to the bathroom. (Master would be able to tell if i orgasmed because my sensitivity wouldn't be so high. It is going to be difficult dealing with that pressure on my clit all day. It really wouldn't take much to orgasm. A little rocking back and forth with my clit pressed between the ropes.......Ahhhh yes! That would be SO nice!)

Okay, okay......at some point during the day i was to venture out and purchase a few items for later tonight:
20 feet of rope
batteries of varying sizes
a new pocket vibe (this means i have to go to a sex shop)
porno video of my choosing (YEAH!!)
i have to ask for help atleast once while at the sex shop. That will be difficult for me. i feel like the person will know my dirty little secret....lame i know.

After i do my shopping i am and return home i am to spend the rest of the day nude and do a bunch of chores. i have to apply nipple clamps an hour before Master is due home. When Master returns home we are having dinner and then some fun.....YEAH!!!

Should be an interesting day.....i LOVE Fridays!!

MEAN COMMENTS!!

2006-07-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

i received this in my comments:
"You are a fool, a SICK, SICK, pathetic fool. A human who's not had self esteem for so long, she's begun to identify with the abuse. what a waste of skin you and that scumbag you call a 'master'. "

At first i was shocked.....then angry.....then i became very apprehensive. Master wanted me to partake in this blog to become more open with others, but i never thought i would encounter such negativity. i spent some time talking about it with Master and He really doesn't want me to stop blogging because of one comment. i personally want to run and hide from this but i suppose there is a lesson in it somewhere. Master and i agreed that i should not be as explicit as i have been in my posts. Then there is that whole freedom of speech junk that we always talk about. i guess i just need tougher skin.

Now to the anonymous commenter. If you would like to ask me a direct question or hear about my life with an open mind....i would be more than happy to do that....BUT please don't leave anymore negative comments like that. You are helping nobody with an attitude like that. If you think you are going to 'save' me....well you are mistaken because i have already been saved! If you don't like what you read then just leave, but don't hurt others because you think you know it all.

Anybody out there have any thoughts on this....any words of wisdom for this negative shit???

Update

2006-07-26T18:25:00.000-07:00

i sit here watching my friend post a sad post. She hurts and there is nothing i can do for her. i do try to listen and just give her a shoulder when needed. i hope she realizes she has a friend in me!

Now a little update. Master and i have had a great few days! When we are in synch....we are in sync. i have been on my best behavior and He appreciates that. i can see it in His eyes. i spent a bit of time tied outside this weekend. It was a wonderful weather here and Master took advantage of it. Master's house is on a fair amount of land and there aren't neighbors for miles. He tied me inbetween two trees at the back of the yard. i was in the middle of the yard so that He could see me from every window on the back side of the house. i was stretched tighter than i have ever been stretched before. i had a crotch rope ties tight against my clit. i had nipple clamps weighted with padlocks. Any movement to try and satisfy my burning desire between my legs caused the padlocks to swing and OH MY GOD did it HURT!!!! Master was kind and only made me wear the weights for 30minutes but the clamps for an hour.

i have spent long periods in bondage so my body is trained for it. i spent a good portion of the day outside. i will admit now that i don't particularly like outdoor bondage. i hate getting hot and sweaty and i HATE bugs. After 90 minutes in that stretched out position Master untied me and had me sit with my back against the tree. i was tied to the tree with little mobility. i watched as Master BBQ and prepared a wonderful meal for us to share. After dinner Master fucked me and used me. No, i wasn't allowed to orgasm. i came SOOOOO close a few times but knew the punishment would be harsh if i gave in to the desire.

All in all it was a good weekend. i got a good spanking on Sunday. Oh yeah i don't know that i have mentioned this before, but every Sunday i get my punishment spanking. During the week Master keeps track of my infractions and i receive a spanking for them. he explains each smack earned. i dread Sundays here. i wish we could have the normal lazy Sunday, but no. this week i earned 85 smacks. Like i said i have a mouth on me.....

Tasks

2006-07-21T06:48:00.000-07:00

Per Masters request i have been spending time online connecting with other subs and gathering more information than i know what to do with. It is wonderful to meet so many subs and the willingness to share is amazing. i am quite shy and feel very insecure to post a photo or get to deep here.....but Master says that will change eventually. i know that means i will challenged to face those insecurities but i can wait....Definitely i can wait:)

i have run into a few freaks online which i expected. people who are rude and ask totally inappropriate questions....Especially when they know i have a Master. It has been interesting and i actually got myself into a wee bit of trouble.....seems to be a theme here. honestly i am not a bad sub just seems i only post about my punishments...Hmmmm? Anywho.....i was chatting with another Master and when Master read the chat log He did not like some f the conversations. He informed that what i was talking about with this man was for my Master only and i should tame my chats. i didn't initiate these conversations and felt it rude not to answer their questions. i was uncertain about what my boundaries were....BUT now i know. Master has cleared up any confusion i may have had. my punishment was not for the actual chatting but more for the fact that i didn't call Master and ask what my boundaries were with chatting. If i have a question like that i know i should ask before i act.....Ugh!! i do know better but i can't seem to remember these things in the moment....Hmmmm...maybe i need a little guardian angel to help me. my punishment was 30 lashes with the belt and then i had to spend the night in the attic on my lonely rug. i hate sleeping up there by myself. We have a baby monitor installed so Master can hear me but i know better than to call for Him unless it is life and death. The fact that i am freezing is not just cause to yell for Master.....bummer!

Master wanted me to write about my new challenge....or task. Master loves to keep in a state of neediness. SO i am on a tight orgasm restriction. i am to play with myself three times a day with my pocket vibe....for 10 minutes without orgasm. He told me He would be able to tell if i orgasmed and He is speaking the truth. my clit is already throbbing for His touch and i have only used the vibe once. This task has not been given a time line yet. He told me when He is ready to le me cum He will. That means it will be a long time. Last time we did a similar task and it was two months before i was allowed to orgasm....Yup two whole months. Let me just say when i was finally allowed some release it was the best orgasm i have ever had.

Master uses His sadistic side wisely during this time and tortures me relentlessly. He informed this morning it will be longer and harder than last time. Longer than two months and harder than being teased everyday....Hmmmmm....it makes me drip just thinking about it.

well that's about it for now i am off to shower and vibe!

Random junk

2006-07-16T08:13:00.000-07:00

i have been helping out a submissive friend of mine for she has been very ill. i LOVE being able to help someone who has helped me in the past. It makes my insides all warm and fuzzy. It is such an innate feeling inside me to serve....even for others then Master.

Lately Master has been keeping me on a tight leash. He thinks i am letting my freedom in my vanilla world start to affect my s/M world. i do tend to carry over my freedom and that is why i haven't been allowed to work before. i am very bad at leaving work at work. Master has started to give me little/easy tasks to do throughout the day to help keep my focus on my submission. Little does Master know that my mind is always on my submission....HAHA! i think about Master and serving Him all day. i love work but i would rather be at home kneeling before Master....serving Him 24/7. Part of the reason i have this job is because i tend to get depressed when Master is away a lot and i am home alone a majority of the time. We just need to find our own balance.....and i need to not let my 'independence' get the better of me.

Today i have been instructed to wear my nipple clamps for as long as i can handle it. i am to start with the heaviest and switch to the lightest until i can't handle it any more. Once my nipples can't handle the pain anymore i am to switch to my pussy. i HATE clamps on my pussy so i will push my nipples to the limit. i think this will definitely help keep my focus on Master....and a great reminder of my place.

Master also put together a wonderful session last night.....one i will post more details about later. i am off to start my day and help my friend.

my place

2006-07-11T07:23:00.000-07:00

When Master got home last night He grabbed my hair and pulled me into the bedroom. He told me to strip and He took me right there. No warm up, no foreplay.....just a dry fuck. It wasn't about me at all.....it was sole about Master and me giving Him what He desired in that moment.

Sometimes those moments are hard for me. i desire the foreplay most of anything. When Master just 'fucks' me i definitely know my place. It is like He is shoving my position in my face. Which of course is fine....just hits home for me. Those moments are a good reminder for me because i have a tendency to loose sight of my place. Especially with this new job. i have been mouthy lately and Master says i better a handle on it or there will be consequence. i sometimes say things under my breath thinking He wont hear me.....BUT He always hears me. To make it worse He makes me say it to His face and not quietly. That is extremely difficult. i feel horrible having to look Him in the face and mouth off.....Ugh! It is a lesson all in itself.....a hard one but a good one.

i have been exploring other journals and blogs of slaves. It has been very enlightening. i am not alone in any of my feelings or tribulations. i am starting to see the benefit to this blog thing. there seems to be an amazing support system here. Just reading others trial and tribulations is support all on it's own.....amazing! i am excited to continue to explore:)

Before Master left for work He bound my breasts with these leather straps we have. He instructed me to leave them on threw class today. OMG! i have another three hours to go and i am already going crazy. my breasts burn with each movement and my shirt feels like it weighs twenty pounds. i know this is a reminder for me. To help me remember that Master is allowing me this gift of work and i shouldn't let it go to my head. He can take away this privilege at any time. i have to admit it is somewhat nice to have these binds on my breasts.....it makes me feel closer to Master. Makes me feel that He is close even if it hurts like hell!!

Random Thoughts

2006-07-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

Since my long night in the attic i definitely got the attitude adjustment i needed.

The other night Master and i went to see our new friend sing at an open mic night. It was amazing! she is an amazing singer and should really put more energy into her music. This new friend of mine is a woman i look up to in so many ways. i am not only her friend but also an employee of hers and i must say that i get to see the best of this woman everyday. She juggles her own business, a family, her submission and she is now taking on a teaching job. i personally don't think i could juggle all the things she does and i admire her strength and ability to balance so many things.

On a more selfish note i get to share my submission with this woman too. she herself is a sub and i am so honored to have the opportunity to build a friendship with her. Master has been hoping i would connect with another submissive. He feels the support and understanding from a fellow sub is something every sub needs. There is an unspoken comfort with her and i am looking forward to expanding our friendship more. i know i sound all wishy washy but i am truly honored and excited to have this woman in my life.......not to mention i am very attracted to her. (part of me wants to delete that but Master wont allow it. He says i need to think before i type because backspace is not an option. He doesn't want me to censor myself in any way)

Master has taken on a job that requires Him away from home more than we expected. Because of this He has granted my request to work. This is the first time in a long while that i have been allowed to work outside the house.i am eternally grateful for the opportunity to learn more about the culinary arts. my passion is to become a great chef. i know that may not happen but any work related to reaching that goal is a treat all in itself. Master is allowing me to explore this interest and i know He is looking forward to reaping the benefits:)

Today will not be a lazy Sunday for me. i am off to help A at work. She is letting me sit in on a meeting with a client. This will help me see what goes on outside the kitchen. i am also taking A's summer class.....i can't wait!!!! The more i get involved in work and school the more i desire to learn. i LOVE to learn and this job just sparked that fire again!! Master can see the positive changes this job has had in me. my confidence is growing and my social skills are getting better too. Thank you Master for this opportunity!!!

Late

2006-07-07T16:09:00.000-07:00

Last night i returned home late and Master was not pleased. i am perpetually late and Master can't stand it! He gets this, 'i'm disappointed in you' look. It is a look that makes my heart sink. i know that i am supposed to call if i am going to be late but i knew He wouldn't home. Master says that i could have left a message and He would have received it when He got home. i responded with, "You could just get a cell phone and we wouldn't have this problem." i don't know why i say the things i say or why i don't think before i speak. All i did was dig my hole deeper.

Master made very deliberate movements as He came closer to me and told me to get in attic....followed by a very stern...NOW! Without hesitation i ran tot he attic, removed my clothes, knelt and just waited. It felt like forever waiting there. my knees started to ache from the hardness of the floor and just when i thought i wouldn't stand anymore i heard His foot steps. He entered the room and without any words He proceeded to hog tie me. He attached alligator clamps to my nipples and then gagged me. After He was satisfied with his handy work i go tmy lecture. There is something about that lecture time that really brings home my position in the house. When Master finished i was left to think.....and think i did.

i realize how my actions where not appropriate. i acted like a brat and deserved my consequence. i feel horrible for even having to have that lecture and punishment for i definitely know better. When Master returned He removed the gag and i was given time to express my feelings and apologize for my actions. The rest of my punishment was to spend the night in attic, sleeping on the floor with my collared chained. It is a short chain so i am unable to move around a lot. This is always a really hard punishment for me. i understand why i needed to be punished and accept it.....just wish i didn't get myself into the situation to begin with.

Master told me to write about how posting this makes me feel. It makes me feel very nervous. Nervous that people will judge us. Why should that matter? It shouldn't and i believe that is part of the point of all this. It is a bunch of mixed emotions. hopefully it will get easier to do this.

The Begining

2006-07-06T12:20:00.000-07:00

my Master has given me the task of starting this blog. i suppose i should begin with an introduction to myself and my life....i am totally new to this online journal and i am very nervous about it. The thought of placing my inner thoughts on my submission in such a public forum is scary. i am a very private person by nature. The only person who knows my deepest thoughts is my Master. i am young, naive, and a novice in the area of public play or play with Multiple partners. i am not insecure.....just very shy. Master hopes this public forum will help me feel more secure in exposing myself to the public. He would like to attend public play parties and incorporate another submissive into our play as well. i want to give Master everything He desires, and i am grateful He is allowing me to take things slowly.

i have been with Master Michael for 3 years now. We met at a social gathering threw friends of the lifestyle. We formed an immediate friendship and from that friendship our D/s relationship grew. i was totally green to the lifestyle and was very eager to learn. Master Michael trained me and guided me into a submission that i never thought was possible. i didn't realize that my submission ran so deep within my heart and soul. Everyday my experience grows and deepens my submission to Master Michael.

i would call myself a bondage junkie. If i don't feel the ropes around me i find myself in this fog......lost almost. i long to be at the mercy of Master. i love the feel of His hands as they caress and tease my body. All the while i struggle within my binds....trying to find some tiny bit of sexual satisfaction. Master likes to keep me in a constant state of need. Meaning i don't orgasm very often. i have learned to find pleasure in other ways. It isn't easy but it is worth it!