Update - melody

It has been a long week here.

It seems i go through this time when i let things slip. i get all organized and function well for a while and then i loose it.....i fall out of groove. i am supposed to be posting two times a week here and i never manage to do that. i can't mange to spend more than an hour singing and Sir would like to see me do much more than that. The "extra" things in my life....the things i do for just me are always the things that get put on the back burner. Why is it that i choose to put the things aside that give me the most pleasure? The things that satisfy me inside are the things i push to the bottom of my lists. Something to ponder more???

lucy is away visiting family for a while. Sir sent her home to be where she feels connected and safe. lucy really needs to focus herself. There are always times in our lives when we get confused. i hope she finds what she needs. she wont be posting much while she is away.

i will get to spend more one-on-one time with Sir. i am excited but nervous. i don't want Him to be bored or unsatisfied with me. i can only do my best.

i am off to cook dinner....
Until next time......

Pushing myself

i was used very hard this weekend. It created a very strange mindset for me and i thought maybe i would share it. Generally speaking Sir will make sure that i receive some pleasure or satisfaction from a session. On Saturday night that wasn't the case.

i was used very hard. It was the first i truly felt like Sir didn't care what i wanted He new what He desired from me and He was going to take that. It was the first time i have felt like it wasn't about me at all....it was totally about Sir. i felt small and very submissive. i knew i had to get myself into a place where i could put my own desires aside and give Sir what He wanted. i had to dig deep because it is a place i have not been to in a very long time. i wanted to kick and scream and pout but i knew that Sir wouldn't enjoy that at all. He would have been very disappointed if i didn't give Him what He desired. Sir has given me SO much that it became important for me to give something back.

He first tied me with my arms above my head and legs spread wide. i was gagged and blindfolded. The music went on and out came the toys. i felt the first serge of pain when i felt the weight and pinch of nipple clamps. Sir proceeded to place clothed pegs all over my breasts. At this point i was screaming in my gag and thought for sure He would release me soon. i was SO totally wrong. Sir pushed every limit i had that night. He sent me flying high. It was hard for me to mentally get past the fact that there wasn't a damn thing i could do about anything that was going on....or going to happen. That can be an intense mindfuck at times. It was the first time i couldn't predict what was coming next.

Did i like it?? At first...NO! Then after i relaxed and let myself drift into the music. i put myself in the moment as best i could and went with it. i want to say that i "rode" the pain. i let go. It became this amazing release for me. i began to remember what this felt like and how amazing it was to give myself to Sir 100%.

Afterwards we talked and Sir held me. He was floating as much as i was and it felt great!! i haven't felt that submissive pride in along time. i did good and i felt it by the look in His eyes.

Until next time......

Refocused

It seems it has been a long time since i posted here. i took a bit of a break to reconnect with myself and my priorities. i have a tendency to loose sight of what really matters and get caught up in reckless behavior. This isn't the first time this has happened, but Master always stands by me and helps me refocus. i don't understand why i do the thins i do...well thats not entirly true. i just loose my way sometimes and need a strong hand to being me back. Master and i spent lots of time together recently....mainly in the BDSM way. i was put on a tight leash and forced to focus on these things: Am I satisfied with my life? What do i really want? What am i really feeling inside and own those feelings? i needed to release my fears.

I really tried to give myself to my submisison during the past few weeks. i know i want to be with Master. i know there are a few things i still want from my life. i am scared Master wont want to take those journey's with me. my fears tend to overwhelm me and cloud my judgement. i sabotage myself. AHHHHHH! i am refocused and living more in the moment. The less i project into the future the more contented i feel.

mel and i have connected on some of these issues. i have really leaned on her during this time instead of pushing her away. i feel we have connected. i think melody has lots to offer me but i fear i have nothing to offer her. Both Master and mel disagree with me but time will tell.

on a more BDSM not......i am off orgasm denial. i had four amazing orgasms at the end of my three week denial period. i feel badly for melody for she is now on orgasm denial. Actually deep down there is a part of me that doesn't feel too badly.....hahaha. It is fun to watch her squirm and beg. she is actually pretty good at begging and has almost gotten Master to cave. Master has s soft spot for melody....it is sweet.

Well i am off to start dinner prep and do a little writting for Master.
It is nice to be back......

melody posting

As you see there are a few changes made to the blog. Now both lucy and i will be posting here...along with Sir Michael. i am still learning how to add people to the contributers list but soon we will all be posting here.

Another change that has been made is an addition to my name. Sir wanted to give me something that would connect Us. He felt an addition of a name of His choosing would be appropriate way to start. Sir does not wish to strip me of the name Cloud gave to me so Sir has added melody...official name being fledgeling melody. i am a song bird and have brought many new melodies to their life....thus the name melody. i think it is cute. It is strange being given a name. It has significance....but what kind? i thought about how this name will change me...if at all. i think it might help me feel more connected to my new beginning. i am starting a new journey so it helps me connect and embrace that new beginning. i do not wish to loose who i was with Cloud....just enhance what i have become.

The three of us have spent a lot of time talking and addressing some of lucy's issues. Things seem to have evened out now and we are all excited to begin this new year together.

We had a nice juicy session the other night. i was tied to the spanking bench and watched as Sir brought lucy to orgasm....multiple times. i am now on orgasm denial and it is a wee bit difficult. Lately we have been switching. lucy was the one on orgasm denial for a few weeks and now it is my turn. Sir says He is going to push me harder this time around. Hmmmmm....should that excite me as much as it does? i am sure my thoughts will change after a few days of teasing.

i find that i really enjoy watching lucy being used. If i had a crotch rope last night i would have orgasmed for sure. i wasn't even fondled between my legs and yet i was on the edge of orgasm. listening to lucy beg and squirm under Sirs hand was SO exciting to me. It was amazing and something i hope i get experience again soon.

Well i am off to shave and prepare myself for Sir. he is coming over tonight to have a beer with my mate. Things seem to be heading in a good direction there. i can't wait to see if my mate really steps into this world????

Until next time.......