Sad News

It has been a long couple of weeks for us. About three weeks ago Sir Michael and lucy were in a car accident. Both had very serious injuries. Sir Michael came home a few days ago and lucy is still in the hospital. She is in critical condition and we are not sure what is going to happen.

i have been putting off coming here for it is really hard for all of us to accept. It is so hard when bad things happen and there is no rhyme or reason for it. i know everyone is waiting for the pictures and more updates on my Domme experience but i just haven't felt right about continuing on here like nothing happened. Sir Michael told me i had to at least post a quick update and when i am ready i am to write more about my Domme experience. He feels keeping me focused will help with all my emotions. i think He is right.

i am staying with Sir for a while to help Him around the house. He is on crutches and needs constant attention for He had to have two surgeries. We hired a nurse for the times when i am at school and then i pick up my wee one and off to Sir's we go. Everyone has been great support around us and together we will get threw this.

i apologize for our inconsistent posting and per my Sir's orders i will be posting regularly again soon.

Until next time.....

melody

Pictures

Sir informed that i will be posting some pictures here on the blog. Pictures of me being used. This totally freaks me out. i am not sure i am ready for this but He seems to think i am. i should trust and go with it......but i am totally insecure. i actually worry about what people in the blog world will think....isn't that stupid?

i will post more later about my first experience as a Domme.

Until next time........
melody

Pleasure

i received a call form Sir this afternoon. He told me that i would be given the opportunity to give lucy pleasure tonight. i instantly became wet as well as nervous. i haven't pleasured a woman in a very long time and i feel nervous about it. What if she doesn't enjoy it? What if she doesn't get off? What if she isn't attracted tome and everything goes sour in our relationship? All of these questions are running through my head......Ahhhhh!

i want so badly to do right by lucy that i tend to make myself overly nervous. She is so important to me that i worry.

Is this normal?

Begging

Last night Sir tied my breasts tightly with leather laces and then added a nice crotch rope just for fun. He had this evil grin on His face when He finished. He looked at me and told me He would not remove the ropes until i begged for release. When He decided i had begged enough then He would remove the ropes. Oh Man....this was a very hard struggle for me. i know that Sir likes me to try and endure the bondage for as long as i can, but not to push myself beyond my limits. That struggle was hard but with the added struggle of having to admit that i can't endure any more....Ugh! i hate having to ask for release from any predicament. i feel like a failure. Sir usually knows when i have had enough and stops.....but never made me ask before. i have a safe word but like most subs i pride myself on not having used it. (Of course i do not think it is weak or wrong to use your safe word....i have with previous partners) i just hate admitting defeat. Sir has told me over and over that it isn't failure or defeat.....it is learning my own limits and understanding my own body better. It is also a nice mindfuck.

i lasted about 3 hours with the ropes before i began the hour long contemplation about begging for release. my breasts were so sore and my clit had been rubbed raw....i was so ready to be done with the ropes, but felt so embarrassed and defeated when having to ask for release. i wasn't expecting to be embarrassed but i was. i finally went over to Sir and knelt in front of Him. i began to cry and just begged and begged for release. i think Sir was a bit surprised at my crying but did show mercy on me after a short time. Thank you Sir!!!

i wish this task wasn't so hard for me. i also wish i could have taken the ropes longer...maybe next time.

lucy and i are going to have a girl's night this Friday. Sir has to take an overnight trip and i am going to stay with lucy. my wee one will be with us too and He is So excited about the sleepover. Initially we were going to be at my house but lucy thought it might be fun for my little guy is we camped out in the living room and had some fun....i agreed!!

i am also going to spend some time with the band this weekend. Morgan asked me to come by and i figured it had been long enough since i sang with the guys. i am excited but i know this will spark my interest in singing again and i just don't have time. Between work, vanilla world and Sir i am strung pretty thin already. Maybe this summer i will have more time but for now i need to keep myself focused....bummer:(

Well i am off to Sir's for our weekly talk. After that emotional outburst Sir wants to spend some time talking about everything and making sure i feeling okay about the session. i actually think it was great for me because it really pushed at a level of submission i haven't been to in a while. In hind sight i liked it but in the moment it was quite an emotional struggle for me. On a different note i feel really lucky to have Sir care enough to have this talk...Thank You Sir!!!

Until next time.................