The Cage

This afternoon i spent a few hours in the cage. It has been some time since i did this and i actually had a really hard time with it. At one point i begged to be released. i usually can work threw moments like that but for some reason i couldn't talk myself down. i wanted out and Sir was not having it. He actually got really frustrated with me and gagged me.

i couldn't get myself into the right place to be there. i had a million and one things to do and that was all i could think about. i couldn't focus on my submission at all. Why am i struggling? Why would i struggle against something i generally like?

i am filled with guilt. i want to please Sir so badly it hurts.....but all i could do was think about myself. Why? Grrrrr.... i am really frustrated with my attitude. Sir told me i will be punished for pushing so hard and not listening. i think i deserve much more than a caning. i feel like a bad sub.

Until next time........

melody

Update/Question

lucy is doing good. Yesterday was a hard day for her...she was in a lot of pain. Today she seems to be stronger and feeling better. she will be starting physical therapy soon and so we are all excited about that. W/we also talked to the Doctor about her coming home. With the possibility of the other surgery still looming over U/us the doctors think it best for lucy to stay for at least two more weeks. Ideally they would like to see her have that surgery and not leave until after that recovery, but lucy is really feeling the itch to get home. Being in her own environment would be really good for her, but Sir is being very protective and cautious. He feels if the doctors want her to stay then she should stay....they wouldn't insist on it if she didn't need it.



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In my comments lee ann asked: How are you not jealous in your current situation? How are you okay with sharing Sir Michael with lucy?


W/we all really care for one another and it makes us happy to see each other happy and satisfied. There is a lot of love here in our world.

Our positions in the relationship are clearly defined. We maintain a very open line of communication. If there is any tension or someone is not happy we address it right away. This dynamic really works for us but it isn't always easy.

there is more i want to say here but i am out of time for today. i have read a few blogs that talked about poly relationships and also people who have to indulge their kinky desires by stepping out of their marriage or 'vanilla' world. i have lots to say but not enough time today....sorry.

More to come next time......
melody

A good day

lucy is doing SO much better today. i went to visit her and washed her hair and put her in her own pajamas so that she would be more comfy. she is moving around more and more each day which means she is getting stronger. We found out this morning that she may need to have one More surgery but we opted to give her more time to build some strength before we discussed it further. lucy really is adamant about not having any more surgery, she doesn't like be knocked out. Sir gave her this very stern look and told her that she would do what is needed to make herself the better, and if that meant surgery then that is what she would do. lucy just bowed her head and replied with a yes Sir. The doctors gave us all a strange look but Sir does not care one bit.

After we met with the Doctors i took Sir home and got Him situated with some lunch, magazines and a movie. i went back to the hospital and spent some much needed girl time with lucy. lucy is feeling really depressed. All she wants to do is serve Sir but she can't. i told her that she is serving Sir by getting better. The more she focuses her energy on getting better the faster she will regain her strength. we both cried and talked and hugged. It was so wonderful to finally be able to hold her in my arms.....without feeling like i was going to crush her. All in all it was a good day for us......and we really needed to reconnect emotionally. There is so much i want to say to her but i can't always find the right words.

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Sir asked me to write about something D/s related. He thinks it will help keep me focused. He told me that He is going to push and use me a bit more than usual and wants my mind to refocus on my submission. i agree!

Anyone have any ideas for me?? A questions or comment you would like my opinion on?

Until next time.....

melody

Letting it out

Today i cried. One of those cleansing cries that only happens so often. i feel so sad inside that i finally couldn't hold any more in. i feel much better now....ready to take on the next few months of hard work.

lucy is doing better and better with each day. A BIG thank you to all the support that has come in.

Until next time....
melody