June 09, 2007

Finally a moment to sit.....

Sorry it has taken me so long to update.

lucy is home and it has taken a while to adjust to our new routine. i am SO happy to have her home and i can tell that she is much happier. Everyday has its challenges for her but she is getting stronger and once she is out of the wheel chair then the Doctors are going to schedule her second surgery. (Unless of course her condition worsens) her physical therapy is going much better. lucy tends to resist things that are hard for her (which i think is natural) but she is really, really, really, hard on herself when things don't come easy. i try and help her see that physical therapy is supposed to be hard or you would need it. There was a point where she was refusing to do it at all and Sir had to step and put His foot down. i know she wants to heal quickly and i can only imagine how she feels, but resistance will not get her healed quickly.

It has taken a bit but i think we are finally falling into a good routine. It has been a really hard struggle to balance things, and there was a point where i didn't think i could do it all. Between work, home, my wee one, my mate and all the things i need to do at Sir's house it is draining. i am not trying to complain. There are just moments when i feel weak and i know i need to be stronger. A typical day for me begins at 4:30am and doesn't end until about 11:00pm. After a few weeks, or months actually, of all this it is taking a toll on me. Sir actually hired some extra help recently because with the school year winding down my work schedule is going to get more hectic in the next month. i will not be teaching a full load of summer classes this quarter so that will help.


As for my submission i had a really hard internal struggle recently. The other night Sir decided He wanted to use me. Of course this is His right but that night i REALLY did not want to be used. i was tired and irritable and felt used already. i had been going since 5:00am and it wasn't until 10:30 that Sir decided to string me up and use me. It was a really hard mental place for me.

i have given myself in submission to Sir and He can do with me as He pleases when He pleases. i know this and i love this and want this. i need and want to relinquish that control to Sir, but that night was the first time in a long time when i wanted to say no. All i wanted to do was curl up in my bed and sleep sweet dreams. It was a true testament to myself and my submission because i didn't rebel. i released all my resistance and gave myself to Sir. It was hard but i did it for Him. i didn't release myself for my own desires i was there solely for Sir. It was a nice, however hard, reality check for me. i needed to be put into my place and once i was at Sir's feet i actually felt more contentment than i had in weeks.

Thank you Sir!

Until next time......