April 29, 2007


Sir informed that i will be posting some pictures here on the blog. Pictures of me being used. This totally freaks me out. i am not sure i am ready for this but He seems to think i am. i should trust and go with it......but i am totally insecure. i actually worry about what people in the blog world will think....isn't that stupid?

i will post more later about my first experience as a Domme.

Until next time........

April 24, 2007


i received a call form Sir this afternoon. He told me that i would be given the opportunity to give lucy pleasure tonight. i instantly became wet as well as nervous. i haven't pleasured a woman in a very long time and i feel nervous about it. What if she doesn't enjoy it? What if she doesn't get off? What if she isn't attracted tome and everything goes sour in our relationship? All of these questions are running through my head......Ahhhhh!

i want so badly to do right by lucy that i tend to make myself overly nervous. She is so important to me that i worry.

Is this normal?

April 23, 2007


Last night Sir tied my breasts tightly with leather laces and then added a nice crotch rope just for fun. He had this evil grin on His face when He finished. He looked at me and told me He would not remove the ropes until i begged for release. When He decided i had begged enough then He would remove the ropes. Oh Man....this was a very hard struggle for me. i know that Sir likes me to try and endure the bondage for as long as i can, but not to push myself beyond my limits. That struggle was hard but with the added struggle of having to admit that i can't endure any more....Ugh! i hate having to ask for release from any predicament. i feel like a failure. Sir usually knows when i have had enough and stops.....but never made me ask before. i have a safe word but like most subs i pride myself on not having used it. (Of course i do not think it is weak or wrong to use your safe word....i have with previous partners) i just hate admitting defeat. Sir has told me over and over that it isn't failure or defeat.....it is learning my own limits and understanding my own body better. It is also a nice mindfuck.

i lasted about 3 hours with the ropes before i began the hour long contemplation about begging for release. my breasts were so sore and my clit had been rubbed raw....i was so ready to be done with the ropes, but felt so embarrassed and defeated when having to ask for release. i wasn't expecting to be embarrassed but i was. i finally went over to Sir and knelt in front of Him. i began to cry and just begged and begged for release. i think Sir was a bit surprised at my crying but did show mercy on me after a short time. Thank you Sir!!!

i wish this task wasn't so hard for me. i also wish i could have taken the ropes longer...maybe next time.

lucy and i are going to have a girl's night this Friday. Sir has to take an overnight trip and i am going to stay with lucy. my wee one will be with us too and He is So excited about the sleepover. Initially we were going to be at my house but lucy thought it might be fun for my little guy is we camped out in the living room and had some fun....i agreed!!

i am also going to spend some time with the band this weekend. Morgan asked me to come by and i figured it had been long enough since i sang with the guys. i am excited but i know this will spark my interest in singing again and i just don't have time. Between work, vanilla world and Sir i am strung pretty thin already. Maybe this summer i will have more time but for now i need to keep myself focused....bummer:(

Well i am off to Sir's for our weekly talk. After that emotional outburst Sir wants to spend some time talking about everything and making sure i feeling okay about the session. i actually think it was great for me because it really pushed at a level of submission i haven't been to in a while. In hind sight i liked it but in the moment it was quite an emotional struggle for me. On a different note i feel really lucky to have Sir care enough to have this talk...Thank You Sir!!!

Until next time.................

April 20, 2007

Bits and Pieces

this is lucy......

i have become a domestic goddess....well i would like to think that i have. i have been spending most of time around the house focusing on Master and my submission. It has been nice but there is a delicate balance for me. If i am inside for too long i get stir-crazy. i need to be out and experiencing life. Master and i are going to find a way to create this balance. He seems to know what He is doing if i could just trust in that 100%.

There are moments when i feel like a bad slave for i can't release 100% of myself. i am still holding onto to things that Master wants me to let go of. He says it is my age but what if i am always going to be like this. Does it mean i am not truly meant to be submissive. Maybe this is the difference people talk about between a sub and a slave. i want to release myself 100% to Master but i struggle. i get mad at myself and then i act out. Then i am filled with guilt. Thus far things have been great. Having melody helps tremendously. i find that not being alone so much helps me.

i am trying Master
i am scared but ready
i am Yours....

April 18, 2007

Sorry for the delay

i know it has been along time since i have posted anything but my life is insane right now. i am a teacher and mid-terms have come and gone and now we are gearing up for finals. my vanilla life is always hectic with a wee one and my time with Sir Michael has been limited. i have been given a reprieve in my journal posting but it seems i just don't have time to post at all or when i do have time i just can't muster the energy to post. i actually get a lot of comfort and support from reading blogs but can't seem to give the same commitment to the blog world. i give many props to those post everyday.....i wish i could do the same. i did with Cloud but when Sir doesn't punish if i don't....then i don't feel the pressure to post.

Things are good though!

lucy and i are getting along wonderfully and really find support and comfort in each other. It seems like her break has really offered the insight she needed. i find myself loving her and i am not sure that is okay. she is my best friend right now and i am afraid she will betray that......all my other friends have. Some will say that people who betray me aren't really friends, which is true, but i didn't know they would betray our friendship. i couldn't foresee the future then and i can't now. my only hope is that things will keep going in the direction that they have been.

One big change in our world is that my mate has been invited into a few sessions with Sir Michael. It made me so nervous but i really wanted it. i want Him to be a part of this part of my life and i hope He continues to show interest. He told me it really turned Him on but He was nervous to have that much control. Is that normal for Doms? my hope is that He will continue to want to explore.

i know there are people who read our blog and my promise is to try and post at least once a week. i know that isn't much but my life is crazy right now so that is all i can promise for the time. Thanks to all who keep coming back and i hope i can continue to give support to this community.

Until next time.......