Begging

Last night Sir tied my breasts tightly with leather laces and then added a nice crotch rope just for fun. He had this evil grin on His face when He finished. He looked at me and told me He would not remove the ropes until i begged for release. When He decided i had begged enough then He would remove the ropes. Oh Man....this was a very hard struggle for me. i know that Sir likes me to try and endure the bondage for as long as i can, but not to push myself beyond my limits. That struggle was hard but with the added struggle of having to admit that i can't endure any more....Ugh! i hate having to ask for release from any predicament. i feel like a failure. Sir usually knows when i have had enough and stops.....but never made me ask before. i have a safe word but like most subs i pride myself on not having used it. (Of course i do not think it is weak or wrong to use your safe word....i have with previous partners) i just hate admitting defeat. Sir has told me over and over that it isn't failure or defeat.....it is learning my own limits and understanding my own body better. It is also a nice mindfuck.

i lasted about 3 hours with the ropes before i began the hour long contemplation about begging for release. my breasts were so sore and my clit had been rubbed raw....i was so ready to be done with the ropes, but felt so embarrassed and defeated when having to ask for release. i wasn't expecting to be embarrassed but i was. i finally went over to Sir and knelt in front of Him. i began to cry and just begged and begged for release. i think Sir was a bit surprised at my crying but did show mercy on me after a short time. Thank you Sir!!!

i wish this task wasn't so hard for me. i also wish i could have taken the ropes longer...maybe next time.

lucy and i are going to have a girl's night this Friday. Sir has to take an overnight trip and i am going to stay with lucy. my wee one will be with us too and He is So excited about the sleepover. Initially we were going to be at my house but lucy thought it might be fun for my little guy is we camped out in the living room and had some fun....i agreed!!

i am also going to spend some time with the band this weekend. Morgan asked me to come by and i figured it had been long enough since i sang with the guys. i am excited but i know this will spark my interest in singing again and i just don't have time. Between work, vanilla world and Sir i am strung pretty thin already. Maybe this summer i will have more time but for now i need to keep myself focused....bummer:(

Well i am off to Sir's for our weekly talk. After that emotional outburst Sir wants to spend some time talking about everything and making sure i feeling okay about the session. i actually think it was great for me because it really pushed at a level of submission i haven't been to in a while. In hind sight i liked it but in the moment it was quite an emotional struggle for me. On a different note i feel really lucky to have Sir care enough to have this talk...Thank You Sir!!!

Until next time.................