October 15, 2007

It has been an interesting couple of days for me. Sir felt it was time i spent more than a couple hours being His. i spent the entire weekend being His. It had a few ups and downs for me but we weathered the storm together. One thing i wanted to write about was spending time in the closet. This is a new space that Sir has created to keep me isolated but close by. This will ultimately be used for lucy but i am breaking it in for her...hmmm:)

When i was first placed in the closet i felt like i was going to panic. i wanted out for it has been a long time since i have spent any time in isolation. i went from panic to calm to worried. i became worried about all the things i wasn't doing. How i was spending time sitting when i should be productive. the past few months thee hasn't been much time for resting let along sitting and doing nothing. Every moment was precious. Then i realized i was doing something......i was serving Sir. Maybe i wasn't actively doing anything but this is what He wanted and i needed to be content in that. It was an interesting moment for me. i spent the rest of the time wishing i could be with Him. i wanted to see Him. touch Him, look at Him.

i felt very needy the longer i stayed in there.
i felt guilty for feeling needy
i wanted Him

Why do i have this cycle of thoughts when i am in isolation? why do i worry about my vanilla life when i am in the middle of intense submission? Should i feel guilty about it?
i DO!

October 03, 2007

my circle

i have had the opportunity to be all the people i love the most in this world. We did a combined dinner tonight with Sir, lucy, my mate, myself and my wee one. We had a wonderful time and i can honestly say that i am in love with my family. It was wonderful to have us all together. Watching my wee one put smiles across the faces of four adults was amazing and he of course loved the attention. He is SOO happy to see lucy again and know that she is okay. He never really understood what was happening because we sheltered him from it....to a degree. Sir and my mate decided how to deal with tthat and i think the decision they made really did work out okay. It is never easy to decide how to address tragedy with little ones. Now watching us all together again makes me SO happy i honestly don't have any words.

Sir and my mate are going to start working on putting rules and protocols back into action. There were many things that stayed in place the past few months but there were also things that got lost. We are all ready for some normalcy and i am beyond ready for my rules to be put back into place. my mate is going to take a more active role in my submission which i am beyond excited about. Sir seems really interested in having a male companion too. It just seems like our circle is really coming together. i am not totally naive in thinking that things will be perfect but i am just enjoying the calm after the storm.

i am on orgasm restriction. This is a nice and evil restriction. i am enjoying the boundaries more than i thought i would but i am also feeling my need grow. i want to feel Sirs hands on my body. i want to feel the stroke of the whip. i feel needy and feel a bit insecure int hat. i kn ow things will soon feel more in place.....it just can be along struggle getting there. (internally and outwardly)

Until next time........

October 01, 2007

Text messages

i am working late tonight.....

While at my desk i received a text message from Sir instructing me to give myself an orgasm, in my office before i went home. Sir also told me that this would be the last one for a while. i think i read the message about 50 times wondering if He was serious....well of course He was serious....but it just took me by surprise. i haven't received any instructions like that in so long i honestly didn't know how to respond. many feelings overcame me........excitement, fear, need, and a nice calmness about the sternness that i could read into the text. i could hear Sir telling me this as if i was there in His presence. Then a few minutes later i received another text that read, I am reclaiming what is mine!

That statement alone made me realize how much i needed this again. How much i longed to be reclaimed. It isn't as if i have lost any of my submission to Sir....it's more like things have been on hold. i have been serving Him in other ways....ways that needed to be taken care of. There are so many levels of submission and ours took on a new look for a while. Now i realized Sir was wanting to take it deeper again and that made me want to please Him more than anything. It didn't take long for me to get wet or to orgasm for that matter. i thought of all the things we had overcome int he past months and realized that my submission was truly deeper than any i had ever experienced before.....now i just want more!!!!!

Starting fresh

October starts a new page in our story. lucy is home and we are all adjusting to the new schedule and the new nurse that is coming in to help out. School has started for me and i just can't be around as much as i used to be or would like to be. i am teaching a full load this term and loving it. my interns are awesome and really know their stuff. Last term i got stuck with a bunch of interns who knew nothing and it made it difficult to really delegate with out fear. This bunch seems knowledgeable and there aer a few that i actually taught which makes things even easier.

Sir Michael is doing wonderfully. i can see the skip in His step has returned since lucy came home. He has His family back and is loving it....we are all loving it!!! It seems that this whole experience has really brought us all closer. It is weird that trauma brings people closer but it really helps put priorities in perspective.

We are all happy and together. Life is good for the time being. i am not naive enough to think it will stay that way but i am hopeful.

Until next time...........