October 15, 2007

It has been an interesting couple of days for me. Sir felt it was time i spent more than a couple hours being His. i spent the entire weekend being His. It had a few ups and downs for me but we weathered the storm together. One thing i wanted to write about was spending time in the closet. This is a new space that Sir has created to keep me isolated but close by. This will ultimately be used for lucy but i am breaking it in for her...hmmm:)

When i was first placed in the closet i felt like i was going to panic. i wanted out for it has been a long time since i have spent any time in isolation. i went from panic to calm to worried. i became worried about all the things i wasn't doing. How i was spending time sitting when i should be productive. the past few months thee hasn't been much time for resting let along sitting and doing nothing. Every moment was precious. Then i realized i was doing something......i was serving Sir. Maybe i wasn't actively doing anything but this is what He wanted and i needed to be content in that. It was an interesting moment for me. i spent the rest of the time wishing i could be with Him. i wanted to see Him. touch Him, look at Him.

i felt very needy the longer i stayed in there.
i felt guilty for feeling needy
i wanted Him

Why do i have this cycle of thoughts when i am in isolation? why do i worry about my vanilla life when i am in the middle of intense submission? Should i feel guilty about it?
i DO!


~martha said...

omg....it is soo good to see you all back!!!!!!!!! i am adding your link back as i type. ok..so right after i am done here! i cannot wait to enjoy your journey again!!!

hugs to all

Anonymous said...

I keep checking for more updates, hope ALL are well.

Big hugs to you mel


Anonymous said...

Knocks on the door.... tap, tap, tap, tap.... anyone home?