January 14, 2007

Pushing myself

i was used very hard this weekend. It created a very strange mindset for me and i thought maybe i would share it. Generally speaking Sir will make sure that i receive some pleasure or satisfaction from a session. On Saturday night that wasn't the case.

i was used very hard. It was the first i truly felt like Sir didn't care what i wanted He new what He desired from me and He was going to take that. It was the first time i have felt like it wasn't about me at all....it was totally about Sir. i felt small and very submissive. i knew i had to get myself into a place where i could put my own desires aside and give Sir what He wanted. i had to dig deep because it is a place i have not been to in a very long time. i wanted to kick and scream and pout but i knew that Sir wouldn't enjoy that at all. He would have been very disappointed if i didn't give Him what He desired. Sir has given me SO much that it became important for me to give something back.

He first tied me with my arms above my head and legs spread wide. i was gagged and blindfolded. The music went on and out came the toys. i felt the first serge of pain when i felt the weight and pinch of nipple clamps. Sir proceeded to place clothed pegs all over my breasts. At this point i was screaming in my gag and thought for sure He would release me soon. i was SO totally wrong. Sir pushed every limit i had that night. He sent me flying high. It was hard for me to mentally get past the fact that there wasn't a damn thing i could do about anything that was going on....or going to happen. That can be an intense mindfuck at times. It was the first time i couldn't predict what was coming next.

Did i like it?? At first...NO! Then after i relaxed and let myself drift into the music. i put myself in the moment as best i could and went with it. i want to say that i "rode" the pain. i let go. It became this amazing release for me. i began to remember what this felt like and how amazing it was to give myself to Sir 100%.

Afterwards we talked and Sir held me. He was floating as much as i was and it felt great!! i haven't felt that submissive pride in along time. i did good and i felt it by the look in His eyes.

Until next time......


Anonymous said...

Beautiful.....smiles softly, warm hugs to you melody hon.


floweringhana said...

If I can make a suggestion? Can you all please find a way to put who's posting what? It is really confusing.

Lucy..I am glad you are back and hope everything works out.

~Robert's little flower~

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmphhhhhffftttssssss.....3 of you now and nothing since 14 January....hmmmmphhhhffftssss I think Master/Sir should be implementing a punishment for lack of posts to blogs......*evil grin*

Hope Y/you are ALL well and happy!