August 13, 2006


Last night was another sensual night of play. It has been AMAZING!! It is strange how much i really needed this kind of intimacy with Master. It is like He is a mind reader sometimes.....then there are times when He doesn't have a clue. i guess it all evens out in the end....hehehe.

On a more personal note i am feeling emotional today. i do get to spend that day with a great friend and Master will be home tonight early....which is fantastic.....but why do i feel so down. i think it has a lot to do with my PMS. i turn into this emotional ball during my PMS time. i feel badly for men at times because PMS can be difficult for us woman to handle....i can't imagine having to deal with he residuals of it. Master is usually a point. i can, under no circumstances, use my PMS as an excuse to act out. i have int he past but learned real quick that isn't appropriate.

i am finding it harder and harder to balance this new work life with my slave life. i am used to being 24/7 in slave mode. Before we moved here i wasn't out of the house much at all and anything extracurricular always involved Master. i think i am feeling the independence a bit. i like it but not as much as i act like i do. i don't want Master to take away my work, but i do want to be more His slave than an independent. i asked Him if we would ever go back to that 24/7 power exchange and Master looked shocked. He told me that the only reason He allowed the job was to give me a little something for myself. (and the money is nice) He told me i fought Him for months to get out of the house and now that i am i want back in the house. Gosh....subs can be so difficult!! Master told me we could restructure things anytime i wanted. Now i am in a stay of contemplation. i LOVE my work and my new bit of independence but yet i long to be at Masters feet all day....Hmmmm?

It actually felt great to have this conversation with Master. It always makes me feel better to know He is with me no matter how neurotic i get. Master said we can work on a better balance before we make hasty decisions. i have worked hard to develop my position at work, and it isn't something i feel i could walk away from easily.

well now onto a little fun....i am having some girl time today. ling and i are gong to get pedicures and a few spa treatments. i have never been toa spa and i am SO excited. i am also REALLY looking forward to the girl talk. i NEED that!!!! Should be fun!

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