September 03, 2006


i have spent the past three nights up in the attic. Sleeping, with my collar chained to the blankets or pillows. Being alone and having trouble sleeping i have spent lots of time thinking. i HATE sleeping in the attic. It is the one thing i really loath. During my first night thinking i realized that i was bitching and complaining A LOT! (i really hate the attic) Do i really have the right to complain? i mean i am a of Master. i should be thinking about my submission and how i can grow stronger during these exercises. How i could probably delve much deep er into my submission if i allowed myself to.
These three nights have tested my commitment to Master and He knows it. Usually i will beg and plead for Master to allow me to sleep in His bed. i go to great lengths and usually end up irritating Him. i decided to really focus on my commitment to Him and not verbalize my discomfort. i was going to be Master's slave and do what He asked...not be a brat. (Wow, what a concept...Ugh)

All weekend i have been the devoted, obedient totally subservient slave. the ones you read about in the novels...... i have not verbalized any of my complaints. i have just been grateful to be Master slave. It has been a strange experiment fo me because i really slipped away into a space i have never been before. i got to a point where i didn't think i just acted. It was as if He broke me again but without all the work. It was amazing and scary. i could tell that i shocked Master a few times. Then He started to purposely test me for amusement trying to pull the brat out of me....but i didn't cave. Evil sadist!

This morning Master came to wake me. He took my face in His hands, looked deep into my eyes and said, "this is the slave i always knew was in you lucy." my heart almost stopped.

i am a bit nervous about all this brings to light. i have two more nights in the attic so lots of time to think about it.

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