December 11, 2006

Big TIme Punishment

Things have been a bit intense lately. i got myself into a heap of trouble and that is why i have not been around. It is really hard to find a place to start but Master is making me write this as part of my punishment. i am not thrilled with this in any way but i understand why He wants me to do it. He wants me to write it out so i will think it through i will see His point more clearly. i have to give a little history for the story to make here goes.....

Since i started school i have made many new friends. There is one boy, LP, in particular that i have become close to. i am really attracted to him too and i told Master this. There is always people in life we are attracted to even if we are in love....right? The only time we hung out was in school and you can't really talk much in school. i found myself flirting with him and enjoying our little exchange. i liked the attention and we have a lot in common. i remember the moment i choose not to tell LP about Master. He straight out asked me if i had a boyfriend. i hesitated then said, "not really." i rationalized this by telling myself that Master isn't technically a boyfriend.....Yeah right? i choose not to tell LP all the details about my life.....that was wrong....very wrong.

After a few months LP asked me out. i told him i was too busy and kept making up excuses not to hang with him outside of school. Then LP finally asked me why i was playing so hard to get. i got nervous because i didn't want to give up my friendship...or whatever it was. i decided to invite him over to study after school one day. Now, here again was another crutial point in my disobedience. i am not allowed to have guests over without permission and definitely not a boy without Master there. i figured i could tell Master it was a study group thing and He would understand. (Now how could i not see then how stupid this was?)

Ofcourse Master found out that i had the boy over. Master was a little early coming home and saw LP pulling out of the driveway on His way in. As soon as i saw Masters face i realized i was in BIG trouble.

Master: "lucy, come here!"

my heart sank when i heard His voice....i knew He saw LP leave. OH FUCK! i ran to Master and knelt before Him. i was silent and just felt like forever before He spoke.

Master: "Who was that leaving here? i want the truth lucy!"

me: " it was a friend from school."

Master: "Do I know this friend? Did you have permission for this friend to come by?" He was stern but calm at this point.

(Now before i answered i thought i could lie here....i could make up a story about how LP just stopped by unannounced or i missed my bus and got a ride home....but i knew better)

me: "No Master." followed by a list of a million excuses and begging for Him to understand why i broke the rules.

At this point Master said nothing. He grabbed my hair and lead me into the attic. He only acted....never telling me to be quiet just ignoring me. He put my collar on and told me to remove my clothes. Once naked He then attached the collar to a chain on the floor. He locked it in place, turned the cameras on (so He can watch me downstairs) and left. Master returned with a clock. He put it right in my line of view and left again. He locked the attic door and never said a word to me.

It was dark and silent....the only noise was that stupid clock. i was there for two hours, sitting on the floor...cold and left to my thoughts. i hated this time. i felt guilty, and angry at myself. i knew i did wrong and i knew i deserved to be punished. i hate it when i hurt Master, and i know He was hurt....and pissed!

When Master finally came back we spent some time talking and He wanted me to tell Him all the details of what was going on with me. He was calm and listened to me. Then of course i had to listen to that lecture sucked. One thing i appreciate most about my relationship is how fair and understanding of human fault Master is. He was angry and said it would never happen again. If it did i would be released until i was ready to prove my commitment to Master. He was hurt and lost some trust in me. (That was hard to hear) i know what i did was wrong and it WONT happen again.

my punishment:
i had to go in and tell LP today about my relationship and how i lied to him. That was really hard but LP was actually pretty understanding. He said he has done stuff like that before. We are still friends and hopefully i wont be so stupid ever again.

i had to write a letter of apology to Master and that is private.

i have to sleep in the attic until i can prove i am recommitted to Master.

i have to spend 20 minutes a day in the corner, kneeling and focusing on my submission.

Master is tightening my leash and my daily schedule is ALOT stricter.

i also took a pretty intense spanking that night of the incident. There were a few other things but Master says i don't have to put those in here.

i know this post is long so i will wrap things up now. i am more focused. i am grateful for such a wonderful Master!
i am more sorry for this than any other thing in my life. i hope Master will forgive me and trust me.

i LOVE you MASTER!!!

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