January 31, 2007

Feeling Strange - melody

Last night was strange for me. It was a little toooo vanilla for me....if that makes any sense. i went to Sir's house and this was the first time He didn't want to do anything kinky. It was strange to be there....be in submissive mode, and not being expected to be. i felt out of sorts. It isn't as if we don't do some vanilla things but even when doing a vanilla activity i am expected to be in submissive space. i am not His equal but last night i was....or He wanted me to be. Sir wanted me to be there as His friend and "hang out". i didn't really know what to say. i was half expecting a punishment for my attitude and tardiness on tasks. i had actually been thinking about it all day....preparing myself for it and then nothing. Not even a commanding voice....it was just strange.

When He told me were not going to do anything but relax i thought for a minute.....Okay, this is strange but if that is what He wants of me then that is what i will do. i was expecting Sir to still be Dominant but He wasn't. It was as if we were an old married couple. If i am going to be vanilla i want to do it at home with my family. Is that totally selfish??

Well it was weird and i have been thinking about it all day. When i left Sir knew i was feeling strange but He didn't say anything. Maybe i am making too big a deal about it???

Until next time........

3 comments:

CLoud said...

sometimes melody, Doms have their off moments a time to chill you could say. We are human

rosebud3cc said...

I know how you feel mel, sometimes I spend a day focusing, getting ready for punishment or a session, my vanilla life is over ridden and I am in complete submissive mode and then, on occasion, I get nothing.....

My Master expects me to be able to slip into whatever role He wishes me to be in, and that also means, nice cuddly, watching TV mode, even though I may be soaking, wet, greedy and needy, or my head may have been focused and ready for a punishment.

My Master does not like me to take for granted, that which is not my role to take for granted and that means when I "expect" or "assume" I usually do not receive.

He takes great pleasure in becoming engrossed and talkative on a particular topic (one I usually hate) and He makes me discuss it with Him in depth at times when He sees that I have come to Him with an expectation of perhaps being used. He loves the visual of my soaked slit, firmly encased in a thong, He loves to hear me try and control my voice, my breathing (and sighs), my wriggles without complaint and He pushes me until finally I am overcome and SO bored with the conversation and I ask for sex.....

Usually at that stage He will start to read articles from the newspaper to me, making me more frustrated and usually says something along the lines of...."not tonight girl, this is way too interesting isnt it?". I have learnt that if I rant, rave, or become argumentative on those occasions I still do not get what I want. He never punishes me on those times, but He does remember and when I least expect it He will punish, or deny me in some way and bring up my behaviour on "that vanilla night"....usually the next time I ask for orgasm....

He is always in Master mode, but on occasion chooses not to outwardly show it, He has down time, but He has a long memory....

Its very hard to come to terms with and I have not mastered it, but I have learnt that even on vanilla times I am expected to act the way He wishes me to and that is to be always submissive.

His favorite saying is "never assume rosebud". Afterall if He were to act the same way for every occasion, and to fit the mould of what I want, who would be the controling person?

He keeps me slightly off balance and on edge most of the time. His actions and reactions are never the same, it is all part of the training process.

Does that make sense? BTW I just wrote this once and my internet connection let me down and had to rewrite it all, so this post is not quite as explained as I first started off (damn internet) but hopefully I have sort of written how it is for my Master and I.

Hugs to you mel

rosebud3cc
xxxx

littleone said...

i disagree with Cloud's comment... i do believe you have every right to feel let down.. disappointed.. didn't you go into this 'relationship' with the expectations of kink/BDSM??? and i fully understand your statement you can be vanilla at home!!

i am vanilla all week long.. i want kink/BDSM on the weekends with Sir.. i am fast coming to the conclusion if He is having an off moment as Cloud puts it ... then perhaps He should stay home and have His off moment by himself.

i accepted this collar for 24/7... i must be in sub mode 24/7 .. where is it written the Dom gets to take a 'holiday' whenever he needs one??

can you tell i am a little pissed by this attitude?? sorry.. i will get down off my soap box now...

morningstar