January 29, 2007

Lots of junk.....melody

This morning i got my usual call from Sir and the first things out of His mouth were that we were going to go over my task list and see how i was doing.

my first thoughts...."OH Shit!!!"

He gave me 30 minutes to collect myself and call Him back. Before i called i was supposed to email Him my list stating which tasks were complete. my heart was pounding and i raced to suck down a cup of tea and pull my list together. i had done some of my tasks but i was not nearly as far along as i should have been. First here is the list:

1) blog posting - Not complete
2) shopping venture - Not complete
3) butt plug training - half complete
4) Nipple tasks - i haven't done the shopping so i can't even begin this one
5) Morning devotionals - completed each morning
6) Shopping for Sir's dinner party - Not complete
7) Answers to Sir's questions. Sir has been reading a lot of online blogs and has compiled a list of questions that He would like to hear my thoughts on. - half complete
8) daily fantasy - emails each day
9) House hold chores - Not complete

10) Pictures - Not complete
11) Incorporate exercises back into routine - not totally complete

Okay so after i compiled the list i realized i had done a lot less than i thought.....AHHHHH! i knew when i hit the send button there would be a back lash for my procrastinating. there was no way i could be able to complete all these tasks by Wednesday.....We both knew that. i have lots of vanilla things that i have to juggle too. i hate it when i can't let myself organized enough to do everything i would like to be able to do. i have lost some of my superwoman complex (Thanks Cloud) but i am still struggling with organization. i really need another assistant or a TA or an intern or something.

i initially tried to create all these excuses for why i hadn't given Sir's tasks more attention. the more i thought the ore i realized i just honestly procrastinated. there were plenty of moments when i could have gotten to some of these tasks but i choose to do something else. i put myself first. This realization made me instantly saddened by my actions. i was letting Sir down an it was the worst time possible for me to that to Him. He is struggling with lucy and the last thing He needs is His other sub disappointing Him. i should be on my best behavior right now...trying extra hard to please Sir. He deserves it and needs it right now.

The guilt became overwhelming. (i have this great ability to give myself more guilt than anyone ever could) When Sir called me i immediately went into my admission and apology. He was disappointed but pleased with my recognition of my mistakes. He isn't going to be lenient but He felt i understood and is looking forward to my improvements. my punishment will be given to me tonight. Sir was in a creative mood and wanted some time to really think the punishment thru. (Great this usually means predicament bondage) i do have to write a formal apology letter to Sir and complete at least two tasks by the end of today.

Other news......
lucy is coming home for the weekend. i am SOOOO excited to see her, hold her, laugh with her, smell her and possibly taste her....hehehehe. We are all going to spend some together and talk about how lucy is doing and what she wants to do from here. i think it will be a pretty intense weekend emotionally....more for them than myself. i want to support them and make sure everyone gets what they desire. lucy is excited and wants to come home for good but Sir seems apprehensive to allow that. He feels lucy needs more time and i think He will insist on it.

Sir has been opening up to me more about His feelings and i understand. He has really listened to me and my opinion and it makes me really feel apart of their life......in a more meaningful way. (does that make sense???) i think lucy needs more time too but i also trust that she knows herself well.

Their situation makes me think of the saying that sometimes love just isn't enough. i have always hated that saying but as i get older i understand it more. People can love one another but need different things. Desires change, people change and not everyone is willing to compromise....or should compromise? lucy desires things that Sir does not need or want right now in His life. He is the Master of His house and so He isn't willing to compromise much. He is older and has settled down. he understands why lucy wants the things she does and feels she should have them now while she is young. Nobody wants to have regrets.

This situation also makes me think about age differences in relationships. i am generally drawn to older men and hasn't been too dofficult but it can be for some. Hmmmmm????

well i just looked at the clock and realised i better get going....i have rambled on enough. i know people desire to read more BDSM content so we are open to topic ideas????

Until next time.....

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