Refocused

It seems it has been a long time since i posted here. i took a bit of a break to reconnect with myself and my priorities. i have a tendency to loose sight of what really matters and get caught up in reckless behavior. This isn't the first time this has happened, but Master always stands by me and helps me refocus. i don't understand why i do the thins i do...well thats not entirly true. i just loose my way sometimes and need a strong hand to being me back. Master and i spent lots of time together recently....mainly in the BDSM way. i was put on a tight leash and forced to focus on these things: Am I satisfied with my life? What do i really want? What am i really feeling inside and own those feelings? i needed to release my fears.

I really tried to give myself to my submisison during the past few weeks. i know i want to be with Master. i know there are a few things i still want from my life. i am scared Master wont want to take those journey's with me. my fears tend to overwhelm me and cloud my judgement. i sabotage myself. AHHHHHH! i am refocused and living more in the moment. The less i project into the future the more contented i feel.

mel and i have connected on some of these issues. i have really leaned on her during this time instead of pushing her away. i feel we have connected. i think melody has lots to offer me but i fear i have nothing to offer her. Both Master and mel disagree with me but time will tell.

on a more BDSM not......i am off orgasm denial. i had four amazing orgasms at the end of my three week denial period. i feel badly for melody for she is now on orgasm denial. Actually deep down there is a part of me that doesn't feel too badly.....hahaha. It is fun to watch her squirm and beg. she is actually pretty good at begging and has almost gotten Master to cave. Master has s soft spot for melody....it is sweet.

Well i am off to start dinner prep and do a little writting for Master.
It is nice to be back......