Task Complete

It has been a very nice weekend here. We had a few friends over for a BBQ and that was great fun!!

Master has instructed me to finish writing about my task. i managed to get all the items on the list. Master did call me while i was out and added a big bag of clothes pins to the list.....Ugh!! When Master got home i had everything laid out for His approval and He looked everything over with this sadistic grin on His face. i could tell i was in for some sort of predicament.

i had put together a nice meal for us and Master said all this would wait till after dinner. my heart sank because the anticipation of all this was killing me. i now had to sit threw dinner without any relief from my ropes and i was anxious to know what Master had in mind for all those items. He knew it would be hard for me to sit threw dinner and not ask any questions......and it was horribly difficult....but i managed. Once dinner was over Master went into our bedroom and i was instructed to clean up the kitchen. UGH!!!!

When i finally finished i went into the bedroom and knelt beside the bed. Master instructed me to suck His cock....i did with great excitement. It didn't take much for my juices to start really flowing. Once Master was nice and hard He grabbed my hair and told me to grab the bar. (we have a canopy style bed and the bars are reinforced for bondage.) Master proceeded to touch my body all over....feeling how wet i was between my legs. He gave out this little chuckle when He ran His fingers over my clit. i almost jumped five feet i was so excited. Master then told me He would use all the item i bought today to place me in a bit of a predicament. Master loves watching me squirm....ALOT!

When Master went to loosen my crotch rope i thought....finally....but i was in for a bit of a surprise. Master inserted a big butt plug and attached the pocket vibe i bought right against my clit. Then He tightened the ropes again. i honestly thought i would orgasm right then and there. Master proceeded to untie my breasts and place one clothes pin at a time on my already tender breasts. There were 5 clothes pins in the bag. Master was kind and only used half the bag.....He managed to cover each breast well and a few on my pussy for fun....That's what He said! i was then placed on the bed in a tight hogtie. my hair was tied to my feet so that i could see the TV. Master then placed the porno i rented in the DVD player, turned on the vibe and told me not to orgasm without permission. At which point He placed a ball gag in mouth and left.

my mind immediately began to race. i had to calm myself so that i didn't orgasm. i initially thought i wouldn't watch the porno but whe i closed my eyes all it did was intensify my awareness of the vibe on my clit. i tried to wiggle around in hopes i could jar the vibe off the side of my clit, but all that did was increase the pain in my breasts. Being in the hogtie put pressure on all those clothes pins. my clit was screaming in pleasure, my tits were on fire and i had no idea when Master would be back.

It seemed like forever until i heard Master coming down the hall. i immediately began to squirm and moan trying to convey that i was ready to beg. To beg for my release! Master had other ideas. He pulled a chair up next to me and began to watch the porno with me. He made a comment about how long the movie was......60 minutes. OY MY GOD! He wasn't going to make me wait until the movie was over.....was He?

Master stood in front of me and removed the gag. He planted this big passionate kiss on me and sent shivers through my whole body. Then right in that romantic moment He shoved His cock down my throat. He face fucked me harder than ever before and when i felt His cum pour down my throat i felt at peace. (Of course i am not gonna lie and say i didn't want to beg to orgasm right then and there.....Because i DID!) Master grabbed my face in His hands and told me that i was a great slave. That He loved me and i had served Him well that night. He replaced the gag and told me He wasn't in the mood to hear me beg.

After the movie i was released from my hogtie and given a whipping that really made me fly. After the whipping....just when i thougth i couldn't take any more Master stepped close to me and started to play with my clit. i gave Master these pleading eyes....eyes that longed for that sexual release. Master removed the gag and told me that i could beg Him, and if i did a good job He would consider letting me orgasm. Let me just say that i begged with all my might.....every submissive bone in my body was behind that begging. Did i ever say that Master likes to give me tough choices in that state? He told me i could orgasm but i would have to sleep in the attic. If i didn't orgasm i could sleep in Master bed next to Him.....Ugh! Master also doesn't let me have long to decide. i quickly realized that i couldn't hold my orgasm any longer and let the wave of pleasure overcome my body. i could feel the puddle forming at my feet. i think it was the longest orgasm i have ever had....seriously. i was paralyzed in the pleasure.

i did spend the night on the floor in the attic that night....soaked in my own juices. Was it worth it???

First a BIG thanks to all who posted a comment!!

Master said all of those exact things to me but i was really shocked! This proves how very naive i am in all this. The comments also made me a bit nervous...because that means people are reading what i am writing. i feel very insecure with that and immediately didn't want to post today. i am supposed to post three times a week. Master set this rule a few nights ago for my fears were beginning to take hold of me. i was feeling like my insecurities were being validated by that commenter. Master did not like this one bit and feels this new rule will help me step back out of my shell.

It is amazing to me how secure i feel with Master and how insecure i feel with others......Sexually/submissively that is. i feel i have been successful in my confidence in the work force....now to apply that confidence to my submissive world and i could really soar! Master will guide me and i will soar one day. (i don't really like all this figurative language but it is a nice way to put things)

A task has been given to me this morning. i was awakened and used.....quite roughly i might add. It was a nice way to center myself for the day and this task. After we were all cleaned up Master put my breasts into a nice bondage bra. Not too tight....just right. Then i was given a crotch rope that was a bit tighter and made me go instantly crazy. It has been a while without orgasm and i am really starting to feel the desire intensify. i WANT IT!!!! BADLY!!!! While Master was positioning the crotch rope He took full advantage of my desire. He teased and caressed my clit. i almost lost my footing. i got dressed and knelt by the bed and waited for instruction.

i was to wear the ropes till Master got home from work.
i was under NO circumstances allowed to touch the ropes except to go to the bathroom. (Master would be able to tell if i orgasmed because my sensitivity wouldn't be so high. It is going to be difficult dealing with that pressure on my clit all day. It really wouldn't take much to orgasm. A little rocking back and forth with my clit pressed between the ropes.......Ahhhh yes! That would be SO nice!)

Okay, okay......at some point during the day i was to venture out and purchase a few items for later tonight:
20 feet of rope
batteries of varying sizes
a new pocket vibe (this means i have to go to a sex shop)
porno video of my choosing (YEAH!!)
i have to ask for help atleast once while at the sex shop. That will be difficult for me. i feel like the person will know my dirty little secret....lame i know.

After i do my shopping i am and return home i am to spend the rest of the day nude and do a bunch of chores. i have to apply nipple clamps an hour before Master is due home. When Master returns home we are having dinner and then some fun.....YEAH!!!

Should be an interesting day.....i LOVE Fridays!!

MEAN COMMENTS!!

i received this in my comments:
"You are a fool, a SICK, SICK, pathetic fool. A human who's not had self esteem for so long, she's begun to identify with the abuse. what a waste of skin you and that scumbag you call a 'master'. "

At first i was shocked.....then angry.....then i became very apprehensive. Master wanted me to partake in this blog to become more open with others, but i never thought i would encounter such negativity. i spent some time talking about it with Master and He really doesn't want me to stop blogging because of one comment. i personally want to run and hide from this but i suppose there is a lesson in it somewhere. Master and i agreed that i should not be as explicit as i have been in my posts. Then there is that whole freedom of speech junk that we always talk about. i guess i just need tougher skin.

Now to the anonymous commenter. If you would like to ask me a direct question or hear about my life with an open mind....i would be more than happy to do that....BUT please don't leave anymore negative comments like that. You are helping nobody with an attitude like that. If you think you are going to 'save' me....well you are mistaken because i have already been saved! If you don't like what you read then just leave, but don't hurt others because you think you know it all.

Anybody out there have any thoughts on this....any words of wisdom for this negative shit???

Update

i sit here watching my friend post a sad post. She hurts and there is nothing i can do for her. i do try to listen and just give her a shoulder when needed. i hope she realizes she has a friend in me!

Now a little update. Master and i have had a great few days! When we are in synch....we are in sync. i have been on my best behavior and He appreciates that. i can see it in His eyes. i spent a bit of time tied outside this weekend. It was a wonderful weather here and Master took advantage of it. Master's house is on a fair amount of land and there aren't neighbors for miles. He tied me inbetween two trees at the back of the yard. i was in the middle of the yard so that He could see me from every window on the back side of the house. i was stretched tighter than i have ever been stretched before. i had a crotch rope ties tight against my clit. i had nipple clamps weighted with padlocks. Any movement to try and satisfy my burning desire between my legs caused the padlocks to swing and OH MY GOD did it HURT!!!! Master was kind and only made me wear the weights for 30minutes but the clamps for an hour.

i have spent long periods in bondage so my body is trained for it. i spent a good portion of the day outside. i will admit now that i don't particularly like outdoor bondage. i hate getting hot and sweaty and i HATE bugs. After 90 minutes in that stretched out position Master untied me and had me sit with my back against the tree. i was tied to the tree with little mobility. i watched as Master BBQ and prepared a wonderful meal for us to share. After dinner Master fucked me and used me. No, i wasn't allowed to orgasm. i came SOOOOO close a few times but knew the punishment would be harsh if i gave in to the desire.

All in all it was a good weekend. i got a good spanking on Sunday. Oh yeah i don't know that i have mentioned this before, but every Sunday i get my punishment spanking. During the week Master keeps track of my infractions and i receive a spanking for them. he explains each smack earned. i dread Sundays here. i wish we could have the normal lazy Sunday, but no. this week i earned 85 smacks. Like i said i have a mouth on me.....

Tasks

Per Masters request i have been spending time online connecting with other subs and gathering more information than i know what to do with. It is wonderful to meet so many subs and the willingness to share is amazing. i am quite shy and feel very insecure to post a photo or get to deep here.....but Master says that will change eventually. i know that means i will challenged to face those insecurities but i can wait....Definitely i can wait:)

i have run into a few freaks online which i expected. people who are rude and ask totally inappropriate questions....Especially when they know i have a Master. It has been interesting and i actually got myself into a wee bit of trouble.....seems to be a theme here. honestly i am not a bad sub just seems i only post about my punishments...Hmmmm? Anywho.....i was chatting with another Master and when Master read the chat log He did not like some f the conversations. He informed that what i was talking about with this man was for my Master only and i should tame my chats. i didn't initiate these conversations and felt it rude not to answer their questions. i was uncertain about what my boundaries were....BUT now i know. Master has cleared up any confusion i may have had. my punishment was not for the actual chatting but more for the fact that i didn't call Master and ask what my boundaries were with chatting. If i have a question like that i know i should ask before i act.....Ugh!! i do know better but i can't seem to remember these things in the moment....Hmmmm...maybe i need a little guardian angel to help me. my punishment was 30 lashes with the belt and then i had to spend the night in the attic on my lonely rug. i hate sleeping up there by myself. We have a baby monitor installed so Master can hear me but i know better than to call for Him unless it is life and death. The fact that i am freezing is not just cause to yell for Master.....bummer!

Master wanted me to write about my new challenge....or task. Master loves to keep in a state of neediness. SO i am on a tight orgasm restriction. i am to play with myself three times a day with my pocket vibe....for 10 minutes without orgasm. He told me He would be able to tell if i orgasmed and He is speaking the truth. my clit is already throbbing for His touch and i have only used the vibe once. This task has not been given a time line yet. He told me when He is ready to le me cum He will. That means it will be a long time. Last time we did a similar task and it was two months before i was allowed to orgasm....Yup two whole months. Let me just say when i was finally allowed some release it was the best orgasm i have ever had.

Master uses His sadistic side wisely during this time and tortures me relentlessly. He informed this morning it will be longer and harder than last time. Longer than two months and harder than being teased everyday....Hmmmmm....it makes me drip just thinking about it.

well that's about it for now i am off to shower and vibe!

Random junk

i have been helping out a submissive friend of mine for she has been very ill. i LOVE being able to help someone who has helped me in the past. It makes my insides all warm and fuzzy. It is such an innate feeling inside me to serve....even for others then Master.

Lately Master has been keeping me on a tight leash. He thinks i am letting my freedom in my vanilla world start to affect my s/M world. i do tend to carry over my freedom and that is why i haven't been allowed to work before. i am very bad at leaving work at work. Master has started to give me little/easy tasks to do throughout the day to help keep my focus on my submission. Little does Master know that my mind is always on my submission....HAHA! i think about Master and serving Him all day. i love work but i would rather be at home kneeling before Master....serving Him 24/7. Part of the reason i have this job is because i tend to get depressed when Master is away a lot and i am home alone a majority of the time. We just need to find our own balance.....and i need to not let my 'independence' get the better of me.

Today i have been instructed to wear my nipple clamps for as long as i can handle it. i am to start with the heaviest and switch to the lightest until i can't handle it any more. Once my nipples can't handle the pain anymore i am to switch to my pussy. i HATE clamps on my pussy so i will push my nipples to the limit. i think this will definitely help keep my focus on Master....and a great reminder of my place.

Master also put together a wonderful session last night.....one i will post more details about later. i am off to start my day and help my friend.

my place

When Master got home last night He grabbed my hair and pulled me into the bedroom. He told me to strip and He took me right there. No warm up, no foreplay.....just a dry fuck. It wasn't about me at all.....it was sole about Master and me giving Him what He desired in that moment.

Sometimes those moments are hard for me. i desire the foreplay most of anything. When Master just 'fucks' me i definitely know my place. It is like He is shoving my position in my face. Which of course is fine....just hits home for me. Those moments are a good reminder for me because i have a tendency to loose sight of my place. Especially with this new job. i have been mouthy lately and Master says i better a handle on it or there will be consequence. i sometimes say things under my breath thinking He wont hear me.....BUT He always hears me. To make it worse He makes me say it to His face and not quietly. That is extremely difficult. i feel horrible having to look Him in the face and mouth off.....Ugh! It is a lesson all in itself.....a hard one but a good one.

i have been exploring other journals and blogs of slaves. It has been very enlightening. i am not alone in any of my feelings or tribulations. i am starting to see the benefit to this blog thing. there seems to be an amazing support system here. Just reading others trial and tribulations is support all on it's own.....amazing! i am excited to continue to explore:)

Before Master left for work He bound my breasts with these leather straps we have. He instructed me to leave them on threw class today. OMG! i have another three hours to go and i am already going crazy. my breasts burn with each movement and my shirt feels like it weighs twenty pounds. i know this is a reminder for me. To help me remember that Master is allowing me this gift of work and i shouldn't let it go to my head. He can take away this privilege at any time. i have to admit it is somewhat nice to have these binds on my breasts.....it makes me feel closer to Master. Makes me feel that He is close even if it hurts like hell!!

Random Thoughts

Since my long night in the attic i definitely got the attitude adjustment i needed.

The other night Master and i went to see our new friend sing at an open mic night. It was amazing! she is an amazing singer and should really put more energy into her music. This new friend of mine is a woman i look up to in so many ways. i am not only her friend but also an employee of hers and i must say that i get to see the best of this woman everyday. She juggles her own business, a family, her submission and she is now taking on a teaching job. i personally don't think i could juggle all the things she does and i admire her strength and ability to balance so many things.

On a more selfish note i get to share my submission with this woman too. she herself is a sub and i am so honored to have the opportunity to build a friendship with her. Master has been hoping i would connect with another submissive. He feels the support and understanding from a fellow sub is something every sub needs. There is an unspoken comfort with her and i am looking forward to expanding our friendship more. i know i sound all wishy washy but i am truly honored and excited to have this woman in my life.......not to mention i am very attracted to her. (part of me wants to delete that but Master wont allow it. He says i need to think before i type because backspace is not an option. He doesn't want me to censor myself in any way)

Master has taken on a job that requires Him away from home more than we expected. Because of this He has granted my request to work. This is the first time in a long while that i have been allowed to work outside the house.i am eternally grateful for the opportunity to learn more about the culinary arts. my passion is to become a great chef. i know that may not happen but any work related to reaching that goal is a treat all in itself. Master is allowing me to explore this interest and i know He is looking forward to reaping the benefits:)

Today will not be a lazy Sunday for me. i am off to help A at work. She is letting me sit in on a meeting with a client. This will help me see what goes on outside the kitchen. i am also taking A's summer class.....i can't wait!!!! The more i get involved in work and school the more i desire to learn. i LOVE to learn and this job just sparked that fire again!! Master can see the positive changes this job has had in me. my confidence is growing and my social skills are getting better too. Thank you Master for this opportunity!!!

Late

Last night i returned home late and Master was not pleased. i am perpetually late and Master can't stand it! He gets this, 'i'm disappointed in you' look. It is a look that makes my heart sink. i know that i am supposed to call if i am going to be late but i knew He wouldn't home. Master says that i could have left a message and He would have received it when He got home. i responded with, "You could just get a cell phone and we wouldn't have this problem." i don't know why i say the things i say or why i don't think before i speak. All i did was dig my hole deeper.

Master made very deliberate movements as He came closer to me and told me to get in attic....followed by a very stern...NOW! Without hesitation i ran tot he attic, removed my clothes, knelt and just waited. It felt like forever waiting there. my knees started to ache from the hardness of the floor and just when i thought i wouldn't stand anymore i heard His foot steps. He entered the room and without any words He proceeded to hog tie me. He attached alligator clamps to my nipples and then gagged me. After He was satisfied with his handy work i go tmy lecture. There is something about that lecture time that really brings home my position in the house. When Master finished i was left to think.....and think i did.

i realize how my actions where not appropriate. i acted like a brat and deserved my consequence. i feel horrible for even having to have that lecture and punishment for i definitely know better. When Master returned He removed the gag and i was given time to express my feelings and apologize for my actions. The rest of my punishment was to spend the night in attic, sleeping on the floor with my collared chained. It is a short chain so i am unable to move around a lot. This is always a really hard punishment for me. i understand why i needed to be punished and accept it.....just wish i didn't get myself into the situation to begin with.

Master told me to write about how posting this makes me feel. It makes me feel very nervous. Nervous that people will judge us. Why should that matter? It shouldn't and i believe that is part of the point of all this. It is a bunch of mixed emotions. hopefully it will get easier to do this.

The Begining

my Master has given me the task of starting this blog. i suppose i should begin with an introduction to myself and my life....i am totally new to this online journal and i am very nervous about it. The thought of placing my inner thoughts on my submission in such a public forum is scary. i am a very private person by nature. The only person who knows my deepest thoughts is my Master. i am young, naive, and a novice in the area of public play or play with Multiple partners. i am not insecure.....just very shy. Master hopes this public forum will help me feel more secure in exposing myself to the public. He would like to attend public play parties and incorporate another submissive into our play as well. i want to give Master everything He desires, and i am grateful He is allowing me to take things slowly.

i have been with Master Michael for 3 years now. We met at a social gathering threw friends of the lifestyle. We formed an immediate friendship and from that friendship our D/s relationship grew. i was totally green to the lifestyle and was very eager to learn. Master Michael trained me and guided me into a submission that i never thought was possible. i didn't realize that my submission ran so deep within my heart and soul. Everyday my experience grows and deepens my submission to Master Michael.

i would call myself a bondage junkie. If i don't feel the ropes around me i find myself in this fog......lost almost. i long to be at the mercy of Master. i love the feel of His hands as they caress and tease my body. All the while i struggle within my binds....trying to find some tiny bit of sexual satisfaction. Master likes to keep me in a constant state of need. Meaning i don't orgasm very often. i have learned to find pleasure in other ways. It isn't easy but it is worth it!