Feeling Strange - melody

Last night was strange for me. It was a little toooo vanilla for me....if that makes any sense. i went to Sir's house and this was the first time He didn't want to do anything kinky. It was strange to be there....be in submissive mode, and not being expected to be. i felt out of sorts. It isn't as if we don't do some vanilla things but even when doing a vanilla activity i am expected to be in submissive space. i am not His equal but last night i was....or He wanted me to be. Sir wanted me to be there as His friend and "hang out". i didn't really know what to say. i was half expecting a punishment for my attitude and tardiness on tasks. i had actually been thinking about it all day....preparing myself for it and then nothing. Not even a commanding voice....it was just strange.

When He told me were not going to do anything but relax i thought for a minute.....Okay, this is strange but if that is what He wants of me then that is what i will do. i was expecting Sir to still be Dominant but He wasn't. It was as if we were an old married couple. If i am going to be vanilla i want to do it at home with my family. Is that totally selfish??

Well it was weird and i have been thinking about it all day. When i left Sir knew i was feeling strange but He didn't say anything. Maybe i am making too big a deal about it???

Until next time........

Irritated - melody

You would think after yesterday punishment i would be busting my butt to get to that task list. Weeelllll....that is not the case. i have been so wrapped up in vanilla life that i haven't had time to progress any further. It is days like this that make me feel i can't balance everything. i have this wonderful notion that i can take on everything life has to offer and make it all work. It just never seem to work out for me....Go figure:(

Sir was quite irritated with my attitude about it. He thinks i should just be able to do it. He told me i wasn't trying hard enough....Ugh! i feel like all i do is try but it seems to not be enough. What is enough and how do i reach it? Is it fair for Sir to need more of with lucy gone? Is it fair for Him not to allow me time to adjust to the new demands? i got really irritated with Him after that conversation. Now we are both irritated and i have to go over there tonight....Ugh! i should just get ready to get my butt beat.....Hmmmm....could be better than it thought??

i figure this post might help my case a bit, but my sarcasm about it wont.

Until next time.......

Added fun for Shopping - Mel

As you read in the previous post i had to complete at least two of the tasks on my To-do list. Sir really wanted me to get the shopping done so that's what i did. He also told me that since i was so behind on my butt plug training i could put one in before i left for shopping and remove it when all the groceries were put away. He was kind enough to allow me to choose which plug to use....thank god for small favors.

i had to make three stops. the hardware store, wine/beer shop and the grocery store. i then would proceed to Sir's house and unload all the groceries....and REMOVE that BUTT PLUG!!!! i managed to get threw all my shopping with ease. i was VERY uncomfortable but that was the idea. my rectum is a bit swollen for the length of time i wore it. i am scared of having to have anal sex with a bottom this sore.....AHHHHH!

Now i am off to home....until next time.....

Lots of junk.....melody

This morning i got my usual call from Sir and the first things out of His mouth were that we were going to go over my task list and see how i was doing.

my first thoughts...."OH Shit!!!"

He gave me 30 minutes to collect myself and call Him back. Before i called i was supposed to email Him my list stating which tasks were complete. my heart was pounding and i raced to suck down a cup of tea and pull my list together. i had done some of my tasks but i was not nearly as far along as i should have been. First here is the list:

1) blog posting - Not complete
2) shopping venture - Not complete
3) butt plug training - half complete
4) Nipple tasks - i haven't done the shopping so i can't even begin this one
5) Morning devotionals - completed each morning
6) Shopping for Sir's dinner party - Not complete
7) Answers to Sir's questions. Sir has been reading a lot of online blogs and has compiled a list of questions that He would like to hear my thoughts on. - half complete
8) daily fantasy - emails each day
9) House hold chores - Not complete
10) Pictures - Not complete
11) Incorporate exercises back into routine - not totally complete

Okay so after i compiled the list i realized i had done a lot less than i thought.....AHHHHH! i knew when i hit the send button there would be a back lash for my procrastinating. there was no way i could be able to complete all these tasks by Wednesday.....We both knew that. i have lots of vanilla things that i have to juggle too. i hate it when i can't let myself organized enough to do everything i would like to be able to do. i have lost some of my superwoman complex (Thanks Cloud) but i am still struggling with organization. i really need another assistant or a TA or an intern or something.

i initially tried to create all these excuses for why i hadn't given Sir's tasks more attention. the more i thought the ore i realized i just honestly procrastinated. there were plenty of moments when i could have gotten to some of these tasks but i choose to do something else. i put myself first. This realization made me instantly saddened by my actions. i was letting Sir down an it was the worst time possible for me to that to Him. He is struggling with lucy and the last thing He needs is His other sub disappointing Him. i should be on my best behavior right now...trying extra hard to please Sir. He deserves it and needs it right now.

The guilt became overwhelming. (i have this great ability to give myself more guilt than anyone ever could) When Sir called me i immediately went into my admission and apology. He was disappointed but pleased with my recognition of my mistakes. He isn't going to be lenient but He felt i understood and is looking forward to my improvements. my punishment will be given to me tonight. Sir was in a creative mood and wanted some time to really think the punishment thru. (Great this usually means predicament bondage) i do have to write a formal apology letter to Sir and complete at least two tasks by the end of today.

Other news......
lucy is coming home for the weekend. i am SOOOO excited to see her, hold her, laugh with her, smell her and possibly taste her....hehehehe. We are all going to spend some together and talk about how lucy is doing and what she wants to do from here. i think it will be a pretty intense weekend emotionally....more for them than myself. i want to support them and make sure everyone gets what they desire. lucy is excited and wants to come home for good but Sir seems apprehensive to allow that. He feels lucy needs more time and i think He will insist on it.

Sir has been opening up to me more about His feelings and i understand. He has really listened to me and my opinion and it makes me really feel apart of their life......in a more meaningful way. (does that make sense???) i think lucy needs more time too but i also trust that she knows herself well.

Their situation makes me think of the saying that sometimes love just isn't enough. i have always hated that saying but as i get older i understand it more. People can love one another but need different things. Desires change, people change and not everyone is willing to compromise....or should compromise? lucy desires things that Sir does not need or want right now in His life. He is the Master of His house and so He isn't willing to compromise much. He is older and has settled down. he understands why lucy wants the things she does and feels she should have them now while she is young. Nobody wants to have regrets.

This situation also makes me think about age differences in relationships. i am generally drawn to older men and hasn't been too dofficult but it can be for some. Hmmmmm????

well i just looked at the clock and realised i better get going....i have rambled on enough. i know people desire to read more BDSM content so we are open to topic ideas????

Until next time.....

Master First Post

This is my first time ever posting on a blog. It seems strange to share so blindly. I have read many blogs over the last few months and found that it seems to help the submissive. They seem to find support in blogging and reading about others. I suppose it helps to know you are not alone. I don't really see a need for me to post but melody insists if I try it I will find something. Of course she doesn't know what I will find but it will be great. I am sceptical but open.

My house is in a bit of transition. lucy is at home for a visit. she will be returning soon with a new found focus. We shall see what that means. lucy is a wonderful slave but she is very young. she needs to blossom more and I worry I can't offer her everything she needs. That is why I wanted to introduce a new sub to our life. lucy has never been apposed to other woman being part of our intimate life. We searched and found the most wonderful person....melody.

lucy and melody had a friendship first and they get along beautifully. melody is everything I was looking for. melody has a different more mature submission. lucy still needs to find her way. I love lucy but don't want that to be a source of regret for her later in life. When she returns I will maintain my tight hold on her and hope that We can find our way.

On a more kinky level......

I have been having a wonderful time with melody. she is VERY submissive. It is almost like a different realm for her. I have been trying to increase her bondage tolerance. she has been doing very well. The other night she cooked and hosted a dinner for me and friends. she is amazing in the kitchen and in service. melody has this ability to really make me feel like the King of a room. she has this amazing ability to predict my needs. she is observant and remembers small details. I LOVE that!

I am going to head out for the night. I am interested to see where this leads.

Update - melody

It has been a long week here.

It seems i go through this time when i let things slip. i get all organized and function well for a while and then i loose it.....i fall out of groove. i am supposed to be posting two times a week here and i never manage to do that. i can't mange to spend more than an hour singing and Sir would like to see me do much more than that. The "extra" things in my life....the things i do for just me are always the things that get put on the back burner. Why is it that i choose to put the things aside that give me the most pleasure? The things that satisfy me inside are the things i push to the bottom of my lists. Something to ponder more???

lucy is away visiting family for a while. Sir sent her home to be where she feels connected and safe. lucy really needs to focus herself. There are always times in our lives when we get confused. i hope she finds what she needs. she wont be posting much while she is away.

i will get to spend more one-on-one time with Sir. i am excited but nervous. i don't want Him to be bored or unsatisfied with me. i can only do my best.

i am off to cook dinner....
Until next time......

Pushing myself

i was used very hard this weekend. It created a very strange mindset for me and i thought maybe i would share it. Generally speaking Sir will make sure that i receive some pleasure or satisfaction from a session. On Saturday night that wasn't the case.

i was used very hard. It was the first i truly felt like Sir didn't care what i wanted He new what He desired from me and He was going to take that. It was the first time i have felt like it wasn't about me at all....it was totally about Sir. i felt small and very submissive. i knew i had to get myself into a place where i could put my own desires aside and give Sir what He wanted. i had to dig deep because it is a place i have not been to in a very long time. i wanted to kick and scream and pout but i knew that Sir wouldn't enjoy that at all. He would have been very disappointed if i didn't give Him what He desired. Sir has given me SO much that it became important for me to give something back.

He first tied me with my arms above my head and legs spread wide. i was gagged and blindfolded. The music went on and out came the toys. i felt the first serge of pain when i felt the weight and pinch of nipple clamps. Sir proceeded to place clothed pegs all over my breasts. At this point i was screaming in my gag and thought for sure He would release me soon. i was SO totally wrong. Sir pushed every limit i had that night. He sent me flying high. It was hard for me to mentally get past the fact that there wasn't a damn thing i could do about anything that was going on....or going to happen. That can be an intense mindfuck at times. It was the first time i couldn't predict what was coming next.

Did i like it?? At first...NO! Then after i relaxed and let myself drift into the music. i put myself in the moment as best i could and went with it. i want to say that i "rode" the pain. i let go. It became this amazing release for me. i began to remember what this felt like and how amazing it was to give myself to Sir 100%.

Afterwards we talked and Sir held me. He was floating as much as i was and it felt great!! i haven't felt that submissive pride in along time. i did good and i felt it by the look in His eyes.

Until next time......

Refocused

It seems it has been a long time since i posted here. i took a bit of a break to reconnect with myself and my priorities. i have a tendency to loose sight of what really matters and get caught up in reckless behavior. This isn't the first time this has happened, but Master always stands by me and helps me refocus. i don't understand why i do the thins i do...well thats not entirly true. i just loose my way sometimes and need a strong hand to being me back. Master and i spent lots of time together recently....mainly in the BDSM way. i was put on a tight leash and forced to focus on these things: Am I satisfied with my life? What do i really want? What am i really feeling inside and own those feelings? i needed to release my fears.

I really tried to give myself to my submisison during the past few weeks. i know i want to be with Master. i know there are a few things i still want from my life. i am scared Master wont want to take those journey's with me. my fears tend to overwhelm me and cloud my judgement. i sabotage myself. AHHHHHH! i am refocused and living more in the moment. The less i project into the future the more contented i feel.

mel and i have connected on some of these issues. i have really leaned on her during this time instead of pushing her away. i feel we have connected. i think melody has lots to offer me but i fear i have nothing to offer her. Both Master and mel disagree with me but time will tell.

on a more BDSM not......i am off orgasm denial. i had four amazing orgasms at the end of my three week denial period. i feel badly for melody for she is now on orgasm denial. Actually deep down there is a part of me that doesn't feel too badly.....hahaha. It is fun to watch her squirm and beg. she is actually pretty good at begging and has almost gotten Master to cave. Master has s soft spot for melody....it is sweet.

Well i am off to start dinner prep and do a little writting for Master.
It is nice to be back......

melody posting

As you see there are a few changes made to the blog. Now both lucy and i will be posting here...along with Sir Michael. i am still learning how to add people to the contributers list but soon we will all be posting here.

Another change that has been made is an addition to my name. Sir wanted to give me something that would connect Us. He felt an addition of a name of His choosing would be appropriate way to start. Sir does not wish to strip me of the name Cloud gave to me so Sir has added melody...official name being fledgeling melody. i am a song bird and have brought many new melodies to their life....thus the name melody. i think it is cute. It is strange being given a name. It has significance....but what kind? i thought about how this name will change me...if at all. i think it might help me feel more connected to my new beginning. i am starting a new journey so it helps me connect and embrace that new beginning. i do not wish to loose who i was with Cloud....just enhance what i have become.

The three of us have spent a lot of time talking and addressing some of lucy's issues. Things seem to have evened out now and we are all excited to begin this new year together.

We had a nice juicy session the other night. i was tied to the spanking bench and watched as Sir brought lucy to orgasm....multiple times. i am now on orgasm denial and it is a wee bit difficult. Lately we have been switching. lucy was the one on orgasm denial for a few weeks and now it is my turn. Sir says He is going to push me harder this time around. Hmmmmm....should that excite me as much as it does? i am sure my thoughts will change after a few days of teasing.

i find that i really enjoy watching lucy being used. If i had a crotch rope last night i would have orgasmed for sure. i wasn't even fondled between my legs and yet i was on the edge of orgasm. listening to lucy beg and squirm under Sirs hand was SO exciting to me. It was amazing and something i hope i get experience again soon.

Well i am off to shave and prepare myself for Sir. he is coming over tonight to have a beer with my mate. Things seem to be heading in a good direction there. i can't wait to see if my mate really steps into this world????

Until next time.......